Confused

[Har1Her1]

Hello,

I am still trying to make sense of the situation so I hope this post is not too confusing. My eldest son has just had a short admission into a CAMHS unit. He spent seven months on the unit last year with anxiety, depression and other 'disorders'. When he was there his mood improved rapidly and he disclosed that his mental health was being affected by the situation at home. When he described the situation he described physical abuse by his father and sexual and physical abuse by his brother.

Agencies including Children's Social Care have been involved with our family for a considerable time and they are aware that my husband loses his temper with the boys (who are now 14 and 16) and there was a CP issue last year in which the behaviour between the boys was described as sexualised play.

My eldest son has been discharged back into the home and the discharge letter described the allegations. My son gave the letter to his brother and father to read. So, now we have a very difficult situation. My youngest son is angry and upset. My husband is even more angry, although he has not been violent yet. My eldest son wants to go into foster care and feels no-one has taken his issues seriously. CSC seem to be unclear about whether they think a foster placement would be worse for my son than remaining at home.

I am totally confused. At the moment my husband and eldest son seem to be appeasing each other, but they are blaming many of the difficulties on my younger son. My husband and eldest son have Asperger syndrome so they may misinterpret my youngest son's actions. My youngest son is well aware that his brother has said very serious things about him and he is worried about the consequences. I have taken time off work to try to manage the situation but I think it is unmanageable. In my opinion, if serious allegations have been made (physical and sexual abuse), you cannot simply place a young man with or without mental health difficulties back into the the 'care' and contact of the alleged abusers. However, no-one has told me how seriously the allegations have been taken. To me, they are serious because they have affected my son so much. (The details of the allegation are that my husband swears at, shouts and insults my son and has hit him on occasions and that my youngest son 'dry humps',his brother, shows him his *****, touches his brother's ***** and simulates oral sex). This is abuse isn't it and should my eldest son really have been sent home?

[ange301126]

Dear Har1 Her1,

It's no wonder you are confused! You should contact The National Autistic Society for help and advice as a matter of urgency.Also ask about respite care for the children.You need specialist help ; no-one can manage children like this alone especially when Dad has his own difficulties.
If you get the right help things can only look up but I fear that CAMHS can't help you because they won't be able to communicate suitably with the children.You need to be in touch with experts on ASD. This sort of inappropriate sexual behaviour isn't all that unusual to them and they will apply strategies and hopefully improve life for you all.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Har1Her1

Welcome back to the Parents’ Forum.

I am really very sorry that you are having such a difficult and confusing time regarding the lack of action being taken following the allegations made by your son of physical and sexual abuse.

The response posted by Ange is a helpful one and you may wish to contact the National Austistic Societyfor further help and support. They will be able to offer advice in respect of your son and his father.

It is very concerning that Children Services and the other professionals involved with your family do not appear to be dealing with the allegations of abuse made by your son appropriately. Has Children Services carried out any assessment of your son as a Child in Need and, if so, what support are you receiving under a Child in Need Plan. I have included a copy of our advice sheet relating to family support here .

Your situation is surprising since Children Services have a safeguarding role and if your son is being in abused in the way he has described and they are aware of your husband’s violent behaviour that the situation is being allowed to continue. This does not seem to be in your son's interest. Do you have support from your GP. Do discuss your concerns with your GP. I suggest that you ask the social worker involved with your family why no child protection enquiries have taken place if that is the case. Did the Unit, who also has a safeguarding role, not make a referral to Children Services about the allegations? If not, then it would be advisable to find out why not and consider making a complaint. You can ask for details of their complaints procedure.

If Children Services have carried out enquiries then they should make a decision to ensure that your son is in a safe environment. You say your son wishes to be in foster care, are you in agreement with this? As a 16 year old he is able to ask Children Services to accommodate him. If you think it would be the best way to keep him safe you can ask for him to be accommodated. Although they do not have to agree, Children Services has to carry out an assessment and if give you the reasons for their decisions. As you know your son best, you know what is likely to best placement for him. As he has difficulties, it may well need to be a therapeutic environment. Ask the social worker for a copy of the local protocol for assessments and the eligibility criteria. Since your son is diagnosed with Asperger he is entitled to be treated as in need.

A copy of our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures will give you more details about the procedures Children Services should follow where a child is at risk of significant harm.

It is clear from your post that you are very concerned about your eldest son. If you wish you could make a complaint about the way Children Services are handling you family’s case. A copy of our advice sheet about making complaints is included for your information.

I hope you will find the information helpful but should you wish to speak to an Adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Har1Her1]

Hello,

Thank you for your advice. I will update you on the situation a little. On Sunday the Family Intervention Team worker visited the home. She is trying to help my husband with coping strategies. To cut a long story short, a heated conversation arose in which all family members (including me) tried to put across their individual points of view. My eldest son was present and he found the conversation very stressful so he left the room and barricaded himself in the kitchen. Once there, he broke a cup and cut his arm quite deeply (he has a history of self harming). I managed to get through the door and took the broken pot pff him. The FIT worker then took my son and me to the Accident and Emergency Department of the local hospital where my son's wounds could be dressed. After a considerable wait we were seen by the duty psychiatrist and my son disclosed further incidents of indecent touching by his younger brother and he reported my husband grabbing my younger son by the arm and pinning him to a wall. Both these incidents happened during the last two days. The psychiatrist consulted with a colleague who knows the family and it was suggested that my son returned home with me for the night and that CSC would contact in the morning. The psychiatrist and his colleague said that my son needed to be in alternative provision and that there were bound to be appropriate foster places available.

I sent details of all disclosures and recent events to our family social worker by e-mail.

Today CSC contacted us and asked the family to come for a meeting. At the meeting were were told that foster placement was not considered to be appropriate for my son because he would be with people he did not know and there was no-one available who has knowledge and experience of managing young people with complex needs and mental health difficulties. The social workers said that I was best suited to looking after my son because I understood him, we had a good relationship and he wanted to be with me. However, I explained that I have no resources with which to leave the family home and live with my son; my youngest son would be left with his father (who has hit him) if I went and if the father left home I would have to look after both boys on my own and the dynamic between the boys may still continue. Furthermore, I need to work and I cannot do so if I am the safeguarding measure for my child(ren).

After more discussion, it became obvious that a foster placement was out of the question and I agreed to try to manage the situation. Activities for the boys have been suggested and my son has been told that he is better off at home.

Yet, I am still dreadfully confused. Is the fostering situation so dire? Is what has been suggested the best solution? I do not want to lose my son, but nothing has changed despite my son's disclosure.

[ange301126]

Dear har1her1,

I think your son who self-harmed is in imminent danger of serious harm by the sounds of it; also that the younger boy is in moral danger and your husband is in need of counselling.

For whatever reason, the system does not appear to be functioning as it should and you are left to put your house in order yourself.Try calling the Police! That might get some action.Have you tried the autistic society?

[Har1Her1]

Hello Ange,

I do apologise for the long posts, but I need some sort of resolution. I am going to contact the NAS today, so hopefully some more strategies will be suggested. With respect to Suzie's question, 2 CIN Section 17 assessments have be conducted: one took place last year prior to my eldest son leaving the unit for the first time; the other took place around the time of the Child Protection incident. In the first, there was a recommendation that my eldest would attend a residential school. This was discussed, but never occurred due to the school's caution concerning things my son had said (he has intrusive thoughts which he describes in graphic detail) and the LEA wishing to try day provision first. In both CIN reports, recommendations were made for family intervention and for agencies to work with my younger son to try to re-engage him in education (he is refusing school, although he now works well with the home tutor provided by the LEA on a part time basis); recommendations were also made for my husband to work with the FIT worker, but he is openly sceptical about the benefits this will have (the negativity is copied by my younger son and manifested as rudeness).

So the situation is complex (as it is in many families), but the fact remains that my son has made serious disclosures to health professionals and the social care team; I have verified that disturbing incidents continue to occur in the home environment, despite my presence; the disclosures are known to the alleged perpetrators of the abuse; mental health professionals state explicitly that my son's current issues are related directly to the environment at home and the behaviour of family members; yet he has been sent back to the care and contact of his alleged abusers with the promise of activities to get him out of the house.

Whilst I love my son dearly, I really do not know if what the CSC say is true and that he is better off at home with extra support than being placed for a short time with strangers who do not understand his additional needs. It all seems very messy to me.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear har1 her1,

Your son has made disclosures of very recent sexual and physical abuse which may still be taking place now. Your son is also self harming. Other professionals are worried about your son’s safety.

I would have expected a child protection investigation to be initiated. They must suspect that your son is at risk of suffering significant harm.

I can also see why you are so worried about the decision that has been made -to keep your son at home- with you providing protection instead of protection being considered by a child protection plan or him being accommodated with specialist foster carers.

The law says that children services must provide accommodation to any child in their area who seems to them to need it because their carer can’t provide suitable accommodation for any reason (or if they are abandoned, lost, or have no one with legal responsibility for them).

I think you should challenge this decision as soon as you can. I gave you a link to our advice sheet about complaints.

You could contact them by telephone or urgent email. Or you could contact a senior manager or director of children services. This is urgent.
Or what about contacting your MP or local councillor?

To discuss in depth you could also contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie