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Post by aloneandstressed » Mon Apr 07, 2014 12:38 pm

Me and my partner were having a problem with antisocial behaviour at our home. People were banging on windows and our car was repeatedly smashed up. This caused my 8 year old great distress and that along with an announous phone call saying tjere was domestic violence caused the ss to become involved. We agrees that my daughter would stay with my parents while we were moved etc. They then looked into my partners history and as he has a criminal record of violence they told me to leave him or lose my daughter. We did all we were asked. Meetings. Tests. Said we were willing to do any courses however long they take to prove we can provide stable home.but they refused saying they didn't have the funding. They have now encouraged my parents to go for residency. They have advises me not to contest as this will cost my parents a lot of money and may mean my daughter is put in foster care. I am at my wits end I don't know what to do for the best. My partner unfortunately is now doing time in prison for a previous offense which occured 2 years ago. Is this likely to have an effect on the outcome of the residencey order? And if my parents get it what rights does that leave me with? When my partner gets out can we appeal to get her back? Please advice. I feel so alone in this l.

frustrated mum
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Re: pressurised

Post by frustrated mum » Mon Apr 07, 2014 10:56 pm

I didnt want to read this without leaving words of support. Have you spoken to a solicitor? Even phone the frg help line. You said that they wont do assessments as they have no funding. That sounds fishy. You need everything in writing save everything keep notes of every meeting whom attended etc. im afraid it doesnt look good that your otherhalf is in prison even if it is for charges 2 yrs ago. But then this could be your time to shine. Is he the dad? If and a big if ss where worried about domestic violence the fact your partner is behind bars atm can go in your favour. Sorry to be harsh. Do what needs doing to keep your daughter. Do your parental assessments , there are programes to sign up for. IF there was dv theres the gateway programe . Good luck and sorry if any of my info is incorrect or misleading in anyway xx

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Re: pressurised

Post by ange301126 » Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:15 am

Dear alone and stressed, I hope you don't mind me asking but was the anonymous report of domestic violence true or false? Is there any evidence to support it ?
Also have the CS conducted fair and impartial investigations? For example, have they advised you of advocacy services,have they sat down with you and your partner and asked for your accounts of the situation?

Everyone on these forums understand you will be very stressed out! We all know the feeling and other parents will help if we can as will the FRG staff.One of the worst mistakes you could make is to deny any domestic violence and stick by the man if it really has happened.Has there been previous Police involvement or has any one witnessed it? If so, it may be someone very close to you who contacted the CS. If he has been violent to you or the children, dump him now!
If he has past form for it, dump him.
Do your parents get on with him? Ask their advice and follow it.They will have your best interests at heart and will help you deal with the CS.Work with them and you won't be alone and feel less stress.Trust them, they are your parents and although you might think you love him, the fact he is in prison does not indicate a happy future for you or the kids. If allegations are totally false, then act accordingly but this may not mean anything to the CS who often think there is no smoke without fire. You must make tough decisions for the children. Never mind him, he has to lie in the bed he has made for himself (for the time being that is prison).

Under whose authority are the CS acting at the moment ? Is there a Court order which enables them to interfere with your life to the point of demanding ( with menaces)that you dump your partner ? Has there already been a child-protection conference? Are the children on the 'children at risk' register?
Did they examine all alternatives to removal and offer you support enabling the children to remain with you or did they simply declare they had no funding.
I'm sorry for so many questions but if you can answer them we can help you better.

Meanwhile try and relax.At least your children are safe with your parents and not in the harsh care system.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: pressurised

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Apr 11, 2014 5:24 pm

Dear alone and stressed

If you have not done so already can I suggest you speak to a solicitor via without any further delay. You can of course contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.00 pm.

Best Wishes


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