Advice

[BRMB]

Hi I'm looking for some advice me and my ex girlfriend split up due to dv our kids were put on a child protection plan and then a child in need plan we have been apart for almost a year an are thinking of trying again but are worried that ss will take the kids if we give it a go

[frustrated mum]

advise maybe speaking to a solicitor. Also maybe speaking to the social worker. From what I understand , and I may be wrong. Social services do not have the godly powers to stop you from seeing each other they can only advise for the good of the children. Have you done a domestic violence programme? anger management? Have you had parental assessments? Ask them what needs to be that is reasonable to prove that your relationship is better. But there is also , on the other hand , Is the relationship good enough that history wont repeat its self. At the end of the day ss have to think of the well being of the children before the wants and needs of the parents. The children could be put back on the children protection plan again.
Sorry if any incorrect advice as im not an expert.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi BRMB,

Welcome to the parents board.

I am glad that you are seeking advice from us before getting back with your exe.

Do you know whether children services (social services) still consider you to be a risk to your children? Or have you undergone a domestic violence intervention programme successfully-and so reduced your risk of re offending? To find out about what help and support might be available to you you could contact Respect-the advice line for perpetrators of domestic violence.

Often, fathers (or mothers) who have been accused of domestic violence do not engage with children services at the time, so miss out on vital support that may have been available. They therefore remain as potentially dangerous to children.

Is this you? If so, it is crucially important that you do not move back in with your exe or do anything that will be seen as compromising the safety of your children.

Children services would become involved again and would question Mums ability to protect her children from you. It may result in Mum not getting a second chance and them taking court proceedings-to make long term plans for your children. See our advice sheet about care proceedings.

Instead, it would be better to speak to Respect or you contact children service direct or via a solicitor. State that you would want to get back together with your exe and that you would like support to help you and will cooperate with any assessment of you.

This advice sheet about Family Support might help.

If you have any questions, please post back. To discuss in depth you could also contact our advice line.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[BRMB]

Thanks for posting as you prob know most of the time men don't admit to having done anythink wrong and this was me sad to say my ex done everything that was asked of her and like an idiot I never I always made an excuse. But not seeing the kids and there mother sitting back at my moms really did make things hit home of how much I had to do to change I've changed my career and gone back to college and what to know how to prove to ss things are not going to be like before, I understand things take time but if there is anythink I can do then I would be greatful for the advice

Thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear BRMB

Without wishing to sound patronising, credit to you for acknowledging your part in what led to Children's Services being concerned in the first place. That should stand you in good stead, and rule in your favour in future decisionmaking as it shows professionals you have insight into your families problems.

Please refer to my previous advice, and just keep doing what you are doing, so that you can continue to show that it is possible to make (and sustain) positive changes in respect of your own lives, as well as regarding your children.

However, I would be open with Children's Services in the event you and your ex partner get back together so that their assesment (s) and support offered is a true reflection of your situation.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[BRMB]

Hi just to let people know thanks for all the advice and I've sent off a form to birmingham healthy minds and I'm just wait for them to get back to me fingers crossed this is the right road to go down ?

[frustrated mum]

Best of luck and i hope your family becomes one again. Without sounding daft whats healthy minds?! Sorry im from northwest .

[BRMB]

It's one of birminghams anger management programs you have to go to an appointment and they tell you what help you need and support and help you get yourself back on track

[frustrated mum]

Excellent. Every little thing you do counts for hopefuly going in the right direction for you. I wish you luck.

[BRMB]

Thank you very much I know it's not going to be easy but it can be done