Social worker possibly being unreasonable

[RhYnoECfnW]

Me and my partner have two children together. Son aged 12, daughter aged 8. Both have additional needs and a diagnosis of autism, both have had challenging behaviour and attend SEN schools.

Since just before Christmas, daughter's behaviour at school started to deteriorate. School have been trying to ignore most of the behaviour until it gets to something which they cannot ignore anymore. That started with her removing her clothes, including her underwear, and then touching her private parts and being very inappropriate. Obviously they cannot ignore this, but because this got so much attention, the fear is she keeps going back to doing it. She then shouted that her brother does it to her, and that's why she does it.

Social services were made aware of this and asked us to find a relative for our son to live. They said it would be for 'a couple of days whilst we get a safety plan in place'. It wasn't easy, but we found somewhere for him to stay. It has been complicated by the fact that I have to escort him to school in his taxi, but also get our daughter ready to go off to school at around the same time. My partner works, shift work, and whilst her company are pretty understanding, she cannot keep asking to change shifts at sometimes very short notice. So after explaining this to the social worker, she said it's my 'responsibility as a parent' to ensure I can get my daughter into her taxi at 8 (she has her own escort), and then walk nearly 2 miles across town to get to my son's taxi pickup for 8:25. This was obviously very difficult and I was late in doing so.

Eventually, after a couple of weeks (far longer than the couple of days we were originally told), a safety plan was drawn up, which we agreed to. Part of that safety plan states that the children are not allowed to play together in a room alone, and that one of us would sleep in our son's room. We also agreed to buy a motion detecting video camera (linked to our phones). The plan specifically states when mentioning the camera part, that "This is currently being mitigated by one of them sleeping in *s bedroom."

The social worker has called today for an update, and when discovering that one of us hasn't been sleeping in his room since the camera was installed, that we need to go back to doing that. They have said the camera isn't a part of the plan, and that we must sleep in his room, despite the detrimental effect this is having on family life, especially since we have been told to not speak to the children regarding the allegations made.

All of this aside, our daughter was asked by police regarding the allegation, and told them she made it up, to get her brother into trouble. The police are taking no further action. She also comes home from school, and when asked how her day was, she immediately says "I lied about * again". She has also started making the exact same allegations about a child in her class. I have taken her to have a full medical check at a specialist hospital, who found no signs of anything. My son is also adamant that nothing has happened, when he eventually found out what was going on, and why he had to move out of the home for a time.

Is there anything we can do here? What course of action can the social worker take if I refuse to start sleeping in his room again?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear RhYnoECfnW

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am very sorry to hear about the difficulties that your family is currently experiencing. I can see that this is causing considerable stress. It is impacting on both of your children as well as you and your partner.

You have explained that children’s services became involved due to concerns about your daughter’s behaviour at the school she attends due to her autism and additional needs. School noted that she was removing her clothing including underwear, touching her ‘private parts’ and behaving inappropriately. She responded by saying that her brother, aged 12, does this to her. He also has autism and additional needs and attends a specialist SEN school.

You have been working with children’s services since then. Initially, your son stayed with a relative for a short time. This resulted in complicated school transport arrangements due to taxi and escort requirements. You managed this but it was not easy. I am sorry that you were not given any support with this.

Your son has since returned home under a safety plan. This involved supervising the children if they play together and one parent sleeping in your son’s room at night. You also agreed to buy and install a camera linked to your phone to detect motion. I understand this to be your son moving around at night?

Since installing the camera, you/ your partner no longer sleep in your son’s room . The social worker was worried about this when they rang for an update. They have asked you to go back to this arrangement as part of the safety plan. It seems that the wording of the original plan was ambiguous. Your understanding was that once the camera was in use there was no expectation that you share a room with your son at night. But the social worker now states that the camera was not part of the safety plan.

Your son has become aware of the concerns although children’s services requested that the allegations were not discussed with the children. He says nothing happened. Your daughter says that she made it up. She is now saying similar things about a classmate. This must be distressing for her.

You are querying what you can do about this due to the serious impact it is having on your family life. Your situation is particularly difficult because it affects both your children as the concern is that your son may have behaved in a sexually problematic or harmful way to your daughter. I can see that you are trying to care for and protect both of your children, in your family home.

It is not clear exactly where you are in the process with children’s services. Police have been involved. They spoke to your daughter. This suggests a child protection investigation. The police are taking no further action. Your daughter told them she made it up. It is reassuring that when you took your daughter for a medical exam there was no evidence of abuse.

I think that children’s services may still be in the assessment process so have not made any definitive recommendations or decisions yet. If this is the case, it would be a good idea to ask the social worker to clarify when this will be completed and when the current ‘temporary’ safety plan will be reviewed.

As you are being asked to sleep in your son’s bedroom again it is reasonable to ask the social worker for a timescale i.e. how long this is expected to continue. And also to ask how they will decide when/if it is no longer necessary. This may include a further specialist assessment or programme. You can ask your social worker/their manager to tell you this as soon as possible so that you are properly informed. Children’s services also need to make sure that any plan they put in place is very clearly worded so that everyone involved understands and agrees.

You want to know what would happen if you do not agree to return to sleeping in your son’s room again. If children’s services consider this to be an essential element to keeping your children safe, then they would have to decide how to proceed if you decided not to comply. This could lead them to escalate your children’s situation, if they were very concerned. I cannot predict exactly what would happen. I would recommend that you ask the social worker to state clearly what the consequences would be, what they would do, if you don’t agree. If children’s services are very worried that children are at risk of significant harm this can lead to a child protection conference, asking you to agree that your son lives elsewhere again or considering legal action to seek a court order which would allow them to make decisions for your children including where they should live.

This is not an easy situation. But children’s services do need to reach a conclusion about the allegations and the cause of your daughter’s behaviour. And they need to make sure that you and the children get the right support to address the concerns.

I would encourage you to continue to work with children’s services so that together to understand what has happened and get the correct support in place. You may find these tips for working with a social worker helpful.

Please see below for additional information and websites which may be helpful to you:

Parents Protect
NPSCC resources on problematic and harmful sexual behaviour
Family Action’s Family Line.

If you would find it helpful to discuss your situation with an adviser, please call the advice service freephone helpline on 0808 8010366. The lines are open from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, Mon to Fri. You are also welcome to post back on this forum.

With best wishes

Suzie