Adoption

[Info376]

Hi. I need some advice on what I can do to try and get my kids back home instead of getting adopted out.

I had my son in 2022 and was granted full custody and was able to take him home with me. At the time I was in a relationship with the father who social classes our relationship and violent and abusive and said our kids were at risk of neglect because of this. However social allowed us to be together with set plans we had to follow.

At first, dad was only allowed to come see us supervised everyday for 5 hours a day. At this time we was on a PLO (Public Law Outline). In November 2022 social seen that me and dad had made significant change and was requesting us to come out of PLO and down to child protection, allowed us to have unsupervised contact with our son and dad was allowed to stay overnight 2 nights out of the week.

At the time the safety plan was that we report any arguments between us and if an argument was to occur we both need to go our separate ways to make sure our child didn’t witness anything.

There was one time we attended a doctor’s appointment together for our son. Leaving the appointment me and dad started bickering and I asked him to go away and he did straight away he walked the opposite direction. The mistake I made was telling my social worker about this as it told me to do on the safety plan. Because of me telling her she then requested care proceedings instead of child protection and got my son removed from me. I also just found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

At first me and dad was getting assessed together. Social removed my son on grounds of allegations reported by mine and dad’s own family which were false allegations. They said that my son was witness to arguments and hadn’t had a stable home since birth (even tho social were the ones moving me around). During me and dad getting assessed, we had an argument during a contact time with our son. After this I ended the relationship in order to get my sim back because social were witness to us arguing in front of our son.

Social then gave me full custody of my son within a month of me ending it with dad. In that month however I did end up resuming my relationship with dad and didn’t tell social. Because I felt being open and honest the first time made me get my son removed so I was scared what it would do this time.

After getting my son home where he settled back in and got comfortable and happy, I went into labour with my daughter where dad was in the car that took me to hospital with our son his sister and her partner. Social services set me up and witnessed this and without letting me know, they kept my sim in care and removed my daughter from hospital. They left me in hospital for 4 days thinking I was still going home with my daughter.

I then came forward and told social services the full truth about me and dad. When I did this she told me she would move me out of this city with both of my children to another city. She asked if I know anyone in another city that could be my support. I have contact numbers and names for a support network. The social worker then went behind my back and asked my support network if they would be assessed for full time care for my kids.

She then said in my parenting assessment that she wouldn’t trust me to move to another city because she feels like dad would join me down there and we would be a family unit without being under the care of THIS CITY’S social care. She specifically put this city’s social care. But my question is if this city wouldn’t allow us to be a family why would any other city? Or is this city just a lot stricter than other local authorities?

I have now been separated from dad for 5 months now as well as getting a non molestation order. I have done numerous courses around domestic abuse as well as parenting. I’ve asked for them to either camera up my property, move me to a mother and baby unit or move me out of this city with my kids. They have said no to all.

Now they are applying for adoption a week tomorrow and as much as I have hope that my poor innocent babies will come home to me, I feel like deep down they will get adopted out.

I please need some advice on what I can do to try and stop this.

Thank you.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Info376

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I am sorry that I was not able to respond to your post sooner. I see that there was a court date coming up which may have already taken place by now.

I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation. You explain that you experienced domestic abuse from your children’s father. You separated and reconciled. You explained that you did not let children’s services know initially when you resumed a relationship but later told them the whole story. However, this led to your son and newborn daughter being removed from your care.

You are concerned that children’s services’ ‘set you up’ and were not transparent with you that they would apply to court to have your daughter removed from your care. You also received mixed messages about why your support network would be contacted. You thought this was for support if you and the children moved away from your local area to another area to be safe and separate from your ex-partner. However, they used this information to ask if any of your support network would be willing to be assessed to care for your children.

Children’s services are required to explore family and friends as potential carers for children in care, with parents’ consent, but they should explain why the are asking for details and what they are asking the network to consider.

Although there was a proposal for you and the children to relocate this did not happen. This seems to be because there was a concern that the children’s father would seek to rejoin you and this would be dangerous. It does not seem to me to be about the proposed city but about the risk of further domestic abuse.

You have now been separated from the children’s father for five months. You have also taken the step of obtaining a Non Molestation Order against him. This must have been a difficult thing to do but it shows your determination to remain separate from him and to keep yourself safe. So well done for doing this and completing domestic abuse and parenting courses.

You are worried that the children will be adopted and that children’s service were applying for this at a forthcoming court hearing. I think that the hearing may be the Final Hearing in the care proceeding and that children’s services may have been seeking a Placement Order – this would allow a plan for adoption to proceed. In order for children to be adopted there would have to be a further hearing, where prospective adopters, who have already been caring for the children, apply for an Adoption Order to adopt them.

As a mother in care proceedings you will be or will have been represented by a solicitor who is best placed to give you legal advice about what is likely to happen and what you can do.

As the hearing may have happened, it is best it you post back with an update clarifying what the court decided e.g. what order was made. Then I will be able to give you more targeted advice.

For information, I am including a link to advice about appeals at the end of care proceedings and to our advice sheet on adoption: challenging placement orders and adoption: challenging adoption orders.

However, the most important thing to do will be discuss the outcome of the hearing and any order made with your solicitor or barrister urgently so that they can give you legal advice about what/whether there is anything you can do.

You are very welcome to call our freephone advice line to talk things through with an adviser: the number is 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. Or, as suggested, please post again with an update.

I know this is a very difficult and distressing time for you. You have been working very hard to make the changes recommended e.g. remaining separated from your children’s father. I hope you have some support from family, friends, or professionals too. I will provide links below to some support services that may be useful to know about:

Domestic abuse services
Family Lives
Mental and emotional health.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie