Main concern from the LA was my mental health (depression) they said I was ‘emotionally unavailable’ to my children and that I showed them no love or affection. This has never been true but I understand from the LA point of view why it may have looked like this as when they (Sw’s) were there I would freeze up as I was terrified they were trying to take my children away.
They also believed I was an alcoholic (I don’t drink but my next door neighbours were using my glass recycling bin and FILLING it with alcohol bottles, so again I understand why the LA thought this), they said my home conditions were bad (they would sometimes get messy as we are a very crafty family, we love baking, painting, making slime together etc and with 5 children it would get messy fast! But it was NEVER unhygienic or unsafe, no mouldy food or anything ‘dirty’ ect)
Since court (removal day) I have done an alcohol test which was 100% clear! No/minimal alcohol present.
I have done a number of parenting courses (I wasn’t asked/ordered to do them but I had to feel like I was doing something)
I have seen my mental health doctor and had a care plan in place (medication and therapy/support) I have fully complied with this. My mental health has been ‘stable/managed’ since my children were removed. I have some ‘low’ moments due to missing my children but this has been managed mostly by going to my cousins to talk or distracting myself. My support worker discharged me a few months ago as she said I didn’t need her anymore as I was doing so well. My psychiatrist said last week she feels I am ready to be discharged from her now.
I asked if she could keep me on until after the final court date just incase which she said is fine. I have a full-time job which I started in august. I work LONG hours (6am-9pm most days) but I mostly used this as a distraction and to keep me away from my empty home. This was a major help with my mental health as it kept me busy. My hours are also really flexible so should the children return home I can change my hours to just school hours. -the LA are putting my job as a NEGATIVE as they say I’m not going to be able to look after my children and work even though I said my intentions were to cut my hours to 9-3 mon-fri and if it still wasn’t working then I would give it up for a while.
My partner moved in back in June (dad to 2 of my children) so I will no longer be a single parent and will have his added support 24/7
My house has been tidied and completely organised, the children’s rooms have been redecorated (wasn’t ‘needed’ but I used this as a distraction during the early days after removal)
Basically all the LA’s concerns I have fixed.
PARENTING ASSESSMENT
me & my partner had to have a parenting assessment as we were being assessed together and separately as sole carers.
The SW doing it was BIASED, she had already decided (or was told) to make it NEGATIVE. And right from the first meeting she made it very clear she was NEVER going to pass either of us.
I (& my solicitor) took the LA to court at the end of September and requested to instruct our own ISW. Everyone (guardian, 2x of the children’s dad’s) backed my application, only the LA opposed it. Well the judge GRANTED it
so now we have our own ISW doing our assessment, she also specialises in REUNIFICATION!!!! we are just waiting on a start date but she said she can get her final report filed by mid December the latest. PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT
I was told at the first court hearing me and the children would need to have a psychological assessment. My partners solicitor (we have different) said it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get a positive psychological assessment as they always find stuff to make it negative.
I also searched online and found a post from someone saying that psychological assessments are 99% negative as social care bribe them with money to make sure it fails
So I got paranoid, worried over it constantly, took a dip with my mental health etc Then I posted on here telling my worries and asking advice on what to do. An admin (Suzie) replied saying this wasn’t true and was most likely from an unreliable source. She also explained it was only PART of the process and we could challenge a negative assessment if necessary. I can only thank her for that as it made me feel a lot better and I thought stuff it I’m just going to be myself and use the observation part of it to my advantage and just ENJOY being with my children.
So I went along and blocked out the fact I was being ‘watched’ and reported on. We had a great 4 hours together and not once did I act any different or ‘put on a show’ in an attempt to look the perfect parent and pass this thing. This was months ago now, the report come back Friday and it was 100% POSITIVE!!!!!!!! There was not a single negative comment in it!!
The psychologist has recommended ALL 5 children RETURN HOME!!!! (I am fully aware it is not her decision but it’s got to help) She has also said the only psychological damage my children have is my youngest is suffering from PTSD and will need at least 10 sessions of therapy but she said this is due to being removed from his mother and not due to the care I gave him. She was asked what effect permanent removal would have on the children and she said this would cause massive unrepairable psychological damage to all 5 children. She said the sooner the children are returned to me the better.
Before we got this report back the SW doing my mums SGO assessment (she put herself forward for my oldest 3) said they were going to be doing another psychological assessment as they don’t think my oldest should be placed with ANY of her siblings as she feels the need to ‘parent’ them. Now this hasn’t been mentioned by any of the solicitors and no one has mentioned having another psychological assessment in court so nothing has been court ordered. I’m also pretty confident that if the LA tried to get it court ordered to do another psychological assessment when the first was so positive that we would have a good argument to get it turned down so I’m not worried about this yet. (Must be the new positive me
) still can’t believe there wasn’t a single negative in the psychological report. ASSESSMENT OF DAD TO MIDDLE CHILD
Originally my middle child’s dad turned on me and was trying to get her (he lives in another country) he FORCED the LA to tell child #3 that living with him was a possible outcome for her. Obviously I was going to fight this as it is not was is BEST FOR HER. As of last week the LA still haven’t started his assessment or sent the paperwork to CFAB (children and families abroad), this assessment takes around 12 MONTHS to complete although it was court ordered they need to get their final report in by mid December.
I don’t know what happened but child 3’s dad phoned and told me last week that he is removing himself from proceedings and also removing himself from being assessed. He just said he has had enough of chasing the LA to get it started and he has had enough of them getting involved with every part of his life (welcome to my world) so this is no longer a concern for me.
ASSESSMENT OF PATERNAL AUNT TO CHILD 4
Child 4’s paternal aunt who has never met child 4 in her life (shes 7.5) decided to put herself forward for not only child 4 but also child 5 (not even related). She lives a 3.5hour drive away and if they went to her they would most likely never see me or their siblings again. Both her and her partner are not capable (opinion but with many reasons) of looking after my children. I planned to fight this one also if it come to it.
Well 2 weeks ago they pulled out of their assessment, the LA just released a statement giving their reasons for pulling out. I won’t disclose them but they pretty much said they couldnt be bothered as they thought they would have them by now and it’s not worth their time
(bit peed off that the LA would actually release a statement telling everyone MY CHILDREN are not WORTH the time! But regardless I’m happy they have pulled out as THEY ARE NOT WORTH THE TIME! PSYCHIATRIC REPORTS
Part of proceedings my psychiatrist had to submit a report on me. She released one not long after removal and it wasn’t negative or positive (it was 50/50), she has since released 3 more and they have all been really positive. Saying I am doing really well, I’m managing my mental health pretty much by myself, I’m fully compliant with the treatment (therapy and medication), Ive been discharged by my therapist as it was her opinion I did not need it etc
The judge set a date for an IRH for the first available date after 20.02.2023 it’s a long way away but I will stay strong and keep going for my children.
MY PLAN MOVING FORWARD
So I’m planning to wait it out for the ISW parenting assessment to start, when I get to meet her for the 1st session I am going to ask if I make myself 100% available to her if there is any chance she could complete her assessment and report quicker, in the hope it’s done a lot sooner than mid December. If not I will just have to ride it out.
As soon as this report is in and hopefully positive I am going to put in an application to discharge the care order
So hopefully we can get a hearing sooner than February. If the children don’t get home in time for xmas then we will celebrate xmas once they are home (even if it’s in June I am fully up for getting the xmas tree out, I will keep a turkey in the freezer and have a huge party for them)
I will be keeping them at their current schools until the end of the school year as my oldest is in year 6 now so don’t want to disrupt her education during such an important year, I also don’t want to unsettle the children too much by bringing them home AND changing their school again. (My oldest 2 went 6 WEEKS without a school or any form of education after they were removed) they are all doing really well in their current schools. It isn’t possible for me the keep them in their current schools forever as they are placed in 3 different schools. 2 of the schools are 30mins drive away from our home and the other is 20mins away but in the opposite direction (so 20-30min trip to one then 50 min trip to the other)
I also plan to take a minimum of 2 weeks off work to settle them back in at home and get us into a routine.