i might as well say goodbye to my baby

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i might as well say goodbye to my baby

Post by honeybee1984 » Sat Dec 19, 2015 2:19 pm

my baby is subject to care proceeding and this morning I had a letter through from the agency decision maker saying she thinks my daughter should be adopted. I might as well kiss her goodbye as I am not going to get her back now am I? it would appear social care have had never had any intentions on returning her to my care in the first place. They are never going to let me be a mum, I might as well end it all. Please help me.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: i might as well say goodbye to my baby

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Dec 21, 2015 12:17 pm

Dear Honeybee1984,

I am so sorry that you received this letter from the adoption agency decision maker at the weekend when you can’t speak to your solicitor. No wonder you are so upset.
You should ring your solicitor as soon as you can.

Here is some information about parallel planning

I can see you are feeling very low after receiving this letter. However, please remember that things are very different from the last time there were care proceedings.Only the court can decide where your daughter will live permanently. Adoption is the last resort-when nothing else will do. The court has yet to decide where your daughter will be living. Do not give up hope.

You could contact the Samaritans . They can offer counselling and support and they are a confidential service.

To discuss the court process in depth, you could also speak to one of our telephone advisors on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,


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Re: i might as well say goodbye to my baby

Post by charmed1 » Mon Dec 21, 2015 4:00 pm

Honeybee1984, don't ever give up hope. So far my husband and I have managed to derail their plan to have both our kids adopted but we've also successful had the placement order revoked. We also fought to keep the siblings together after they wanted to separate them we are now in the process of a trial rehabilitation process. Your case hasn't even ended yet let alone a placement order being granted which is the only way your L.A. can place your daughter with potential adopters. So never, ever give up on her! If we had, we wouldn't be where we are now. Keep fighting!

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Re: i might as well say goodbye to my baby

Post by honeybee1984 » Mon Dec 21, 2015 4:09 pm

Hi and thank you for your response, I kind of knew that the agency decision maker would approve this and ss decided a long time ago my baby would be adopted, I don't believe they have any intention on returning her. All they do is assessments and more assessments when they should be working with me and giving me help and support for her safe return.
Unfortunately my solicitor is on annual leave and the temporary one is less than useless.
My psychiatric assessment and parenting assessment haven't come back positive or negative but somewhere in between, I can't understand why the ss are washing their hands up on me.

The thing I don't understand is why some things are being asked/said which make it sound like they have plans on returning her. For example the sw asked my ex how he would go about having contact with my baby if my baby was returned to me, I know she asked this because she told me she asked him. She told me she was concerned of his response as he said he would organise it between myself and him, she told me that she told him it would have to be arranged between sc and the centre. I also straight put my foot down with sw and said 'no it would have to be sorted with the sw and the centre, someone would have to pick my daughter up and drop her back'. Now I know some might say they needed to ask him this but I see no need in asking this if their intention is to not return her to my care.( my parenting practitioner and CBT person agreed with me here)
I have put in for a mother and baby placement and all the sw has said is it is down to the judge to make this decision but will probably say no due to it failing in the past - not once did she say she doesn't agree.
sw told me there is no guarantee I will get my daughter back in 6 months time but I stand a higher chance if I get rid of my now ex. Now why say this if there isn't a ghost in hells chance?
I was allowed to go unsupervised (with carer) to my daughters jabs.
The contact supervisor asked me the other day if my sw was in the room she would've asked me how I would've gone about putting my baby's bottle in the jug if I had been at home with her ( my baby was asleep on me and her bottle needed cooling for her feed that was due shortly) again why ask if there is no intention on returning her. There have been several things the contact supervisor has said which make me think they plan on returning her but other days it feels like they have no intention.
Even at the contact centre we had a meeting in November to see how things were going and they haven't booked another meeting yet ( they said its usually every 3 months which would make that February) but because they don't know what way its going to go they are leaving it. I am in court in January the judge could tell them to place her back with me or in the placement or a hostel? or am I being overly optimistic.
sw did an unannounced visit the other week, partly to see whether my ex was there and also I believe to test how I would cope with an unannounced visit as there would be a lot of them if my baby was returned to me.
I feel like they are keeping their cards to their chest and feel like they are giving more information to others than myself.
Everyone keeps saying that the judge decides the outcome but I just know that s/he will go with the ss, not me, I just know it.

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Re: i might as well say goodbye to my baby

Post by honeybee1984 » Mon Dec 21, 2015 4:12 pm

thanks for your reply charmed, it just feel like I should give up at times they aren't ever going to give me the chance. I will say one thing though I have read warthogs post and believe me her story is so similar to mine, could have wrote it myself, so I do try and think of her post when I am down and believe there is hope. ( even though everytime I read her post I end up in tears)

Mummy 1
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Re: i might as well say goodbye to my baby

Post by Mummy 1 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:51 pm

Hi hun I no what ur going through as they have took 4 of my children in to Foster care because they are saying I can't keep my children safe as they have accidents an not supervising them an there using my past because they have been involved with the ss before an they plan to put them up for adoption an these aren't good enough reasons for doing this I don't hit my children or starve them or any thing like that they always have clean clothes but they are saying cuz my children like to get in a bit of a mess some times an have fun the ss are say it's neglect I have taken photos of the kids in clean clothes because they say my girls go to school looking unkempt which is a lie because they had clean uniform every day they have made mine an my partners assments look bad I really miss my children an love them so much an the thought of never seeing them again is breaking my heart u are not on ur Owen hun there's thounds of family's they have done this to

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