Baby Court Proceedings Finished by my x are getting back together

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Baby Court Proceedings Finished by my x are getting back together

Post by helpmeplease » Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:48 pm

hi there,
I wonder if anyone can advise me.
My Son was taken into foster care last march - and returned after 26 wk court proceedings with 12 month supervision order. Short version!!!
I am an alcoholic and stopped drinking and using before court and tested clean throughout as I told the court I wanted an ankle band which measures any drop of alcohol 24 hours a day.. to prove to them I never intend drinking again. Judge went for this, of course I cleared it also. X partner whom when police was called out before ss got involved... we were both drunk and or fighting, police call outs were due to me screaming like a nutter when drunk. When I am not drinking and my x partner was we never argued he was always out once a week with with mates after a hard week at work at weekend and went bed quietly when he got in. except if I was drinking and started and it ended badly ... then police would come etc etc.. baby now child arrangement and living order with me mother. however my x and me have been getting on amazing for the last 4 months and he cant have contact without his mum being there and only 2 times per week. they said he uses alcohol chronically which he tested for however, he never drank at home or when left with baby I did... don't obvs now and wouldn't want to .. they are saying he has to do dom violent cause which is 17 week long and he working what a joke and also go alcohol help ... he is happy to do this but they are saying he not contacting them as he at work all day long hours too. we cant win and my baby is loosing out now that we have made so many changes to our family. I just want to go home where my x lives which was our home mine and babys too.. .and he wants that too. just don't know what to do as I know that we love each other and our family deserves a chance to be happy while I am at my mums miserable, don't get me wrong having my baby back is the best thing that has ever happened however he needs his family back too... ahhhh been through so much and really had enough of ss :)(

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Baby Court Proceedings Finished by my x are getting back together

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Feb 22, 2016 5:39 pm

Dear helpmeplease

Welcome back to the Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie and am an Adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you are feeling miserable and frustrated about your current situation and Children Services involvement with your family.

It is really great that you so well in addressing your alcohol misuse so that you baby was returned to the family. I see that you appear to be taking the blame for the domestic abuse that occurred whilst you and your baby’s father were together. You say you were the one who was aggressive when drunk. However, you also mention that there were fights which led to the police being called and, not only that but your ex-partner has been tested and the result is that he is a chronic alcoholic.

Children Services will be concerned about you and your ex-partner getting back together if he has done nothing to address the issues of domestic abuse and his drinking. The concern is that if you are both together the baby could be caught up between the two of you and get hurt. Also, there is a risk to his emotional wellbeing if you and your partner are arguing and fighting a lot. Research shows that child are adversely affected where there is domestic abuse in the home whether they witness it or not. This amounts to emotional abuse as far as Children Services are concerned. The duty they have is to ensure that children are brought up in a safe environment and not at risk of harm.

There is a child arrangement order in favour of your mother and your ex-partner has contact which his mother supervises.

Unfortunately, unless your ex-partner is willing to cooperate and engage with the courses which Children Services has requested that he does, it is very unlikely that they will agree to the baby being with you. If you were to live together anyway, then you run the risk of care proceedings being started all over again. It is very important that your ex-partner make contact with Children Services to show that he is willing to engage. The fact that he is at work should not prevent him making contact, he could try during his breaks or if that is not possible put in writing to the social worker when the best time is to contact him.

If you both want to be together, it is important that you both show that you are willing to cooperate with Children Services who currently have a supervision order to monitor and support your mother who has the child arrangement order. Children Services do not share parental responsibility for your son. Parental responsibility is shared between you and your mother and the father if he is on the birth certificate or the court made an order giving him parental responsibility. What are your mother’s views on contact, does she agree with Children Services?

I including her a copy of our advice sheet about family support for your information. An explanation of what a supervision order means is here for you to read.

If your ex-partner is unhappy with the amount of contact he is having at the moment, he can make an application to the court for a child arrangement order for contact. Coram Children’s Legal Centre who you can call on 0300 330 5480can give you more information about this. Your mother will have a say in the contact and her views will be important as she was given the order to care for your baby.

The important thing to do is for both of you to show that you understand the concerns and work with children services to address them by doing the courses suggested or if you can find alternatives which you can ask if they agree.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, do please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

I hope this if of help to you.

Best wishes


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