What next !!!!

[curliesue2]

Right my partner got found not guilty at court on DV charges (not enough evidence). Judge said he was free to go home (he's been on bail since May)
Our 3 children are all on a cpp for emotional harm.
We have done everything on the cpp to date (we are both drinkers and that is our biggest problem) we have both self referred for our drink which we have both been signed off and are going to engage in couples councelling and and do a DARA programme (the programme starts on the 8th October) as we wish to reconcile.

I let my partner stay the night last night. My daughter went to school today and told one of the teachers who obviously phoned the social worker as to which obviously I had a phone call to say this wasn't allowed!!
They are saying at the moment they are not supporting us getting back together and that we have got to complete this DARA programme before any decisions are made. I told her that this have NEVER been explained by our normal social worker as all I have done is attend meetings and been given reports and shes visited every couple of weeks to see the children.

Now because of this they are doing unplanned visits the weekend as that's when we drank the most.
They are saying that we are not to be together in the family home unless someone is supervising and we are not allowed to go out as a family unless supervised.

This was all over 2 phone calls this afternoon out of the blue all these rules!! We've not had to sign a written agreement (although it took 3 months for my social worker to get it too me on the day of the 2nd cpp meeting to which I refused to sign as I had done everything on it).
I have spoken to a solicitor already briefly and said she cannot see why going out together as a family outside the house would be an issue as we have both clearly stated that drinking in the home is the issue.
I have requested a meeting with our social worker at the very beginning of next week and then we are seeing a solicitor properly later on that week.
As we have stated that we want to get back together can they make it difficult for us to do so and can they stop us living together again??

I don't want my family completely torn apart and I understand that they are only doing what is best for the children. Its just one stress after another.
Any advice please

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Curliesue2,

You are very honest and have incite into the difficulties in your family at the moment. You have got the support that you need to help you both with your drinking, you are signed up to a domestic violence programme and you are working to the child protection plan. This is all good ground work to your children's names being taken off the plan for good and children services closing their case.

You are waiting for the DARA programme to start. If you your partner attend all the sessions and the risk of domestic violence happening again is diminished, then I would expect that your partner could move back into the home.

Your partners risk to the family
Until the DARA programme has been completed, children services may not know the full risk your partner poses. This is why you and him should not be together in front of the children-in case he is abusive and your children witness it.
Until he has “treatment” or support for this, he will be considered to be still risky.
Instead of telling you this, it looks like children services only relied on the bail conditions to prevent your partner returning home. They should have planned for the possibility that you partner may have been found not guilty and advised you both that your partner is NOT to return home until he has completed the domestic violence courses.

I would have expected this very important fact to be communicated to you both.
It should have also been written into the child protection plan or put in a contract of expectations or written agreement (which you would have signed).

I can see how annoying (and dangerous) it might be for the social worker to change the terms of the plan in 2 phone calls. How can she be sure you will remember?

Instead it would be helpful if everything was set in writing. An agreement could set out what children's services expect and what will happen if you breach the agreement. You could get your solicitor to look at the agreement.

I am probably stating the obvious now. Until everything is set out in writing and you are clear, I strongly advise you not to let your partner into the home.
You should also try and gain the trust of children's services again. Let them know if your partner is contacting you or comes to the home against their wishes. They may wonder why you had not told them he was back and it was up to your daughter.
Let them do the unannounced checks. If you did not let them in they will be worried that you hiding something.

My worry is that if you allow your partner back into the family home against children services wishes, even one time, children services will be worried about the safely of your children and think that you are not working in partnership with them. They may become worried that you cannot protect your children from domestic violence. Other posters have had their children removed in similar circumstances after a second "breach" so be careful.


Here is some FAQ's about children's services and domestic violence


Best wishes,

Suzie

[curliesue2]

Thankyou for your advice. I have never been asked to sign a written agreement, like I said just been given a copy 3 months later on the day of the 2nd conference. It never stated on there to not let him in house but like you said they were obviously relying on bail conditions.
I spoke to my social worker today and said that they don't want us together around the children but we can have contact and meet up without the children around.
I'm having a meeting with her tomorrow and then a solicitor on Thursday