Previous DV with SS involvement

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Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2015 11:48 am

Previous DV with SS involvement

Post by Babymumma » Thu Jul 23, 2015 7:59 pm

I am looking for some advice......
In February 2014 I had a baby in a new relationship. I have two teenage children from a previous relationship.
When the baby was 7 weeks old my partner and I had a fall out that resulted in him throwing a bunch of keys at my face, which left me with a black eye and a swollen face. I moved out that night and found a place of my own but I was supporting him to get help to manage his anger.
I had a doctors app for the babies checks and the doctor asked me what happened to my face. I didn't lie and I told her the truth. She made it clear she would have to let SS now.
The support I was offering my ex broke down due to him continuing with emotionally abusive behaviours so I ended the relationship with him. He became like s stalker and would turn up at my house shouting so the police were called a couple of times.
The police decided to press charges for DV due to the injuries on my face and I attended the court hearing in support of my ex partner. I spoke to the judge and I explained that I felt he needed help to manage his anger.
He was given 2 years probation and 32 weeks on a course (building better relationships). Unfortunately the course didn't start for a couple of months and I couldn't cope alone so I stopped contact with my ex and we went our separate ways. Child contact was arranged through our parents.
SS assessed my parenting and closed the case because they were happy that I was safeguarding my children. They said contact for the baby with his dad was fine because he hadn't displayed any abusive behaviours towards the children.
Anyway it has been over a year now and the ex has now completed the course. Things between us have gradually become more amicable during contact and we have been arranging contact for the baby between ourselves for the last 4 months.
We have spoken and discussed our feelings for each other and we both still love each other. My ex has shown very positive behaviour changes which I can see for myself.
We are considering starting a new relationship together whilst remaining living apart but I am very worried that SS may get involved again and take my baby into care.
The assessment that closed the case last year states that if we were to re instate our relationship and there was any more instances of DV it would be taken straight to CP.
What does this mean exactly?
Am I risking losing my child?
All I want is for my little boy to grow up with his mum and his dad and I really wouldn't get involved with my ex again unless I really believed he was making positive changes to his behaviours.
Any advice is greatly appreciated especially from any one else who has been through a similar situation.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Previous DV with SS involvement

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jul 24, 2015 10:56 am

Dear Babymumma

Welcome to the parents' discussion board. My name is Suzie, one of FRG's online advisers.

I am sorry to hear that you are so worried about the prospect of Children's Services becoming involved again particularly as you are considering reuniting with your ex partner and there has been a history of domestic abuse in the relationship.

You have stated following the father of your baby's conviction for domestic abuse the Local Authority had completed an assessment of your parenting capacity. In their professional view you were assessed as a protective factor to all your children and they ceased to be involved with your family.

However, at the time they closed your file they did on the basis that the relationship had ended and clearly specified that if either you were reunited with your ex or there was further domestic abusive incidents reported, they would convene a multi agency child protection conference because they have reason to

" suspect a child is suffering or is likely to suffer significant harm" or that they are suffering ill treatment or their health or development is being significantly impaired. The harm could be related to "physical abuse, sexual abuse, damage to mental or emotional well-being (emotional abuse), and neglect. It can include a child seeing or hearing another person being ill-treated"

Therefore, I would take this threat very seriously. It is likely that a joint risk assessment will need to be completed between Children's Services and Probation to assess, what if any risks, actions or support needs are required at this time.

In the interim, can I suggest he may wish to contact Respect and you consider asking to be referred to a Freedom Programme course.

Alternatively, can I suggest you contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.00 pm so you are fully aware of the implications of re-establishing a relationship for you and your children.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes


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Joined: Thu Feb 20, 2014 1:20 am

Re: Previous DV with SS involvement

Post by justiceisaright » Sat Aug 15, 2015 2:03 am

If I were you I would call social services and arrange a meeting. Tell them your not involved with your ex however was wondering if he was able to prove he is better and has expressed a wish to come back into the family home is it a possibility and what would be the correct process.

You may speak to someone who says .. sure let him in.. no problem however I wouldn't take that as face value. I would request a plan for social services to consider in way of re-introducing him into the family home. With their support they are more likely to be accepting of the situation and not cause you any more grief. Nor can they say in the future (as long as no other incidents occur) that there is any issue.

Social Services like a lot of people have an ego. When they help someone get something they will be far less likely to admit this was a mistake and wrong move on their part. However be aware that if you have any further involvement with SS after this then you could get some crazy worker who lies about it still existing because on a basis of probability it has happened in the past.

Be friendly and look to them for answers. However at no time should you start contacting him again and falling for him because this could make them doubt the safety of your children in your care as their is a risk you will let him in your life. Take it one cautious step at a time and evaluate the responses so you can ascertain your next move.

You could however increase his contact with the children and work on a better shared parenting with the advice on the best way to go about it through the Triple P program advisor recommendation. After all two parents need to work together to give the best life they can for the children.

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