allegations of repeated DV in our family home

[father of five]

Hi, I will try my best to keep this short but with as much info as possible, Firstly I tell you about my family,: There is myself (Dad / step - dad), my wife (Mum / step- mum) between us we have 5 children three boys from my wife's 1st marriage & 2 girls from my previous relationship. our children are aged from 14 to 10 yrs old. our eldest son has A.S.D and we suspect our other two boys have some form of A.S.D too, (waiting for them both to be assessed) we have had social services involved due to our eldest son having ASD, which has been a very rocky relationship, due to the workers changing too many times the shortest worker was 24hrs the longest was 6 mths, and even then they never really got to know our son. In March 2015 the social worker(at that time) was due to visit us at our home. my wife and I was having a debate over the colour of the walls in our kitchen when he knocked, Yes some swear words were said between us both, so I decided to take the dog for a walk, to give my wife and I both a chance to calm down.
while I was gone the social worker changed the locks to our house against my wifes wishes and phoned the police. my wife told the police nothing was wrong and they left and this is stated in their report. When I tried to return the social worker refused to let me in he stayed for over 6 hrs that day. once he left my wife rang me told me he gone and to come home.

They have now said that there is DV going on and our children are now on child protection. we have attended the 1st meeting where chair didnt want to listen to us or our kids, they are saying that I am known for DV in my last two relationships (which is lies and my ex's have written saying so).
they refused to give us any paper work including the minutes to the 1st meeting, however they gave FULL papers to someone that attended (not a Pro). Which I now have due to the fact it has everything in it including the full police report, which also had police Intel on me. the report shows that I have had disputes with the mother of our girls over contact, and the Intel says about someone saying that I had access to a pistol many years ago, but no one has ever seen this so called pistol.because this is LIES!

However because this is in the Intel Social services constantly say I am known for weapons, and because I have argued with my ex over contact I am a violent person. they visit our children twice a week at their schools asking if I hit them or my wife, all our kids, have made it clear that this sort of thing does not happen, yet the latest report for the review is basicly saying that all our kids are lying and so is my wife.

They told my wife that both of us had to go to SPLITZ, they asked my wife to answer questions for the SPLITZ assessment and for her to be honest, she was honest and SPLITZ said she dont need their help. one of the questions was are you afraid of your husband? well if they asked if I was afraid of my wife I would of said yes. in a good way though,I do what Im told other wise my kids & wife would never shut up.......


We are at our wits end, is this one of those closed courts? are they allowed to give out police Intel to the girls mother? can they with hold the paper work from us, when this is ment to be about us? can we insist them to take us to court?

I have read so many stories we dont want this to ruin us, the way similar cases have ruined other families

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear father of five,

Welcome to the parents forum.

I can see that you have had a difficult experience of children services-your son has had a series of social workers who have left. This would have interrupted the assessment and caused delay in getting support that your son may need. And now you are very worried about the level of involvement because of the child protection plan.

Have a look at our
FAQ’s about child protection. It gives tips about what to expect.

A child protection plan will be made if a conference “suspects” that children have suffered significant harm and the risk of harm is still "on-going".

The purpose of the child protection plan is to provide help and support to reduce any risk to your children.

Because there are worries about your children suffering harm, it is really important that you cooperate as best as you can with the child protection plan. So if you cannot do something on the plan-such as attend a meeting, it is important that you let the social worker know this.

So I would certainly contact SPLITZ yourself and ask for an assessment as it is on the plan.
It is positive that you are allowing the social worker to see your children. The law says this must happen when there is a child protection plan.

Could your behaviour be domestic violence?

You are denying that any domestic violence has taken place. You are saying that the police information is untrue and that the social worker has exaggerated the argument that he witnessed.
However, until a full assessment of your risk has been completed, children services will have to assume that you are potentially dangerous.

The best way forward for you is to:
• Cooperate with the assessment. By doing so, children’s services will get a better idea about you and your family.

• You should ask for more information from the police about their intelligence. Children services as part of their assessment will be considering what weight to put to this “intelligence” as well.

• To look at the definition of domestic violence set out by the government . As you can see it is not only physical abuse. It can be verbal abuse and controlling behaviour. Could any of your behaviours possibly meet the definition of domestic violence? You could also contact the helpline Respect. You could ask them whether your behaviour crossed that line. If it might have done, then attending an accredited course is the best way forward.

In answer to your other questions:

No, this is not a court process. But there is guidance issued by the government which governs the process. See our advice sheet about child protection .

Yes, the police and children services can share confidential information in child protection situations. However, they have to be follow guidance when they share information. So they only share what they have to.

Children services should give you copies of minutes of meetings, social workers statements and the child protection plan to you and your partner. You should then check that the paperwork is accurate.

I hope this helps. To discuss in depth, you could call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,

Suzie