FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER

DevastatedMama
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FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER

Postby DevastatedMama » Sat May 23, 2015 4:11 pm

My daughter was taken into care from birth at the beginning of July 2013; I wasn't allowed to take her home from hospital after birth as there were allegations made by my family about me having Asperger's and being a victim of domestic abuse. I was advised to split from my husband, avoid all contact with him and sign a s20.

In September 2013, I signed a pre-proceedings agreement with the local authority. One of the stipulations was I had to attend a mother and baby placement. I spent 14 weeks there before having to move to another placement elsewhere as the lady running the initial mother & baby unit was no longer able to continue due to family commitments. The placement should have lasted 12 weeks initially, but during that time, I had a parenting assessment undertaken by an Independent Social Worker who recommended I underwent a psychological assessment due to my history of depression. During that assessment process, the psychologist also completed a cognitive assessment with me. This confirmed that a) I do not have Asperger's or any other learning disability and b) while my history of depression was acknowledged, there was no reason in the psychologist's view why I couldn't have my daughter back or care for her effectively/meet her needs.

Things didn't work out at the second mother and baby placement. The lady was a psycho bitch who accused me of being an alcoholic with OCD; even now SS are trying to make out I have OCD because I use bleach to mop the floors in my flat, despite the fact the psychologist did not diagnose me with this condition! The placement subsequently had a negative knock-on effect on my confidence. During Easter 2014, she threw me out following an argument over breadcrumbs. I was making toast for my daughter and the woman accused me of deliberately making a mess of her kitchen! After the argument, when throwing me out, I was told that not allowed to collect my possessions, take my daughter with me or even say goodbye to her; I was threatened with the police if I did not leave there and then. The next day, I was summoned to the social worker's office and asked to explain what happened. I felt like a naughty stupid little girl summoned to the headmaster's office. I explained what happened and was told I had been accused of holding a serrated knife to my daughter during the argument. This is something that never happened (I love my daughter more than life itself and I would never, ever do anything like this to her!) I was also explained that despite co-operating with the local authority in terms of the second mother and baby placement (it was meant to last for 6 weeks while the psychological and cognitive assessments were carried out), I was going to be taken into court.

I then had to wait 4 months for them to file the paperwork, which they didn't do until August 2014 and even then that was because I gave them an ultimatum - file the paperwork by the end of the month or I am withdrawing my consent to my daughter being in care.

In that time, I have been pressured by the CAFCASS Guardian and various social workers to apply for a divorce from my husband. My legal team and I have explained that I cannot get Legal Aid funding for a divorce and that these proceedings have taken priority over my applying for a divorce, but that I will do this when the current court case concludes. I feel going through a divorce AND a court case regarding my daughter's future at the same time would be more than I can bear. This led to the CAFCASS Guardian lying about my intentions to divorce my husband in her most recent report.

I was diagnosed with post-natal depression in August 2014. I have had CBT for this, which I found incredibly useful and the therapist wrote a very positive report in my favour explaining how I engaged throughout the sessions and I would be able to request more CBT sessions in the future should the need arise. I am still on anti-depressants and am still attending counseling. Despite my improvements however, the CAFCASS Guardian has used my history of depression against me in her report and has said that my daughter should be sent to live with my sister-in-law in Barcelona (my estranged husband is Spanish and I put his sister forward as a potential guardian of our daughter - she and her husband have received positive reports from Social Services and the CAFCASS guardian.

My social worker had to complete the Local Authority's parenting assessment of me again. She was off on sick leave for 4 months and her replacement social worker screwed up her assessment of me. She only met me once and even then she turned up at my home unannounced; she did not observe contact between my daughter and myself then she said I should not get my daughter back and didn't explain why. This meant my original social worker had to redo the assessment upon her return to work. At the beginning of the first assessment meeting, she informed me that, even if the report was positive, she would not be recommending my daughter returns home but would be recommending that she goes to her paternal aunt and uncle in Spain. She would not tell me why this was, i.e. if there was any evidence to support allegations of abuse or neglect, and she kept fobbing me off with talk of "twin-tracking". However, my legal team have said that the local authority feel that they have exhausted every possible option with me and I have failed to meet their, I feel, impossibly high standards of 'good enough' parenting. The CAFCASS Guardian is in full support of the plan for my daughter to go to Spain. My legal team have warned me it looks as though I may lose as "it's very rare a Judge goes against both CAFASS and local authority recommendations." However, despite this, both my barrister and solicitor feel as though the CAFCASS guardian's report is a shambles as there's too much hearsay and too little fact to support her recommendation my daughter moves abroad. For example, the Guardian lied about my saying I was reluctant to divorce my husband and said that both my history of depression and my estrangement from my family are reasons why I am not a 'good enough' mother. She also said I have an anger management problem, that I am reluctant to take advice on board and I have not sought out support for my depression - all of which is untrue. My daughter's 2 in July, but already she's going through the Terrible Twos and has thrown some epic tantrums in the process - I have sought advice from the contact supervisor on how to handle her mood swings and how to handle them and I have taken his advice on board and followed it to the letter. I have also been reading up on the Terrible Twos, along with other aspects of parenting. I have attended parenting courses and the freedom programme. I also attended and engaged with CBT, as previously mentioned; I sought out help from a counselor and my current GP, both of whom have been incredible and non-judgmental sources of support. Whenever I have experienced depression, I have ALWAYS sought out help to overcome it. The fact that Social Services have dragged things out for nigh on 2 years hasn't helped, especially as I cannot plan for the future - I have been unable to get my daughter baptized into the Catholic faith, register her for nursery or look into possible schools for her. They also said that my 1 bedroom flat is an unsuitable environment for my daughter, which I agree with and have looked for private accommodation but to no avail. I have found it difficult because I am unemployed and on housing benefit with no savings so I can't pay for a deposit or agency fees. I have no guarantor and I am not 35 until June 2015. Social Services have refused to give me letters of support for social/council housing or assist with a deposit for a bigger place.

The case should have ended around February/March 2016. However, the final hearing is taking place over 3 days next week. I am dreading it and I am anticipating losing because of Social Services and CAFCASS. I am broken and devastated and I don't know what to do. I am even struggling with my Catholic faith, which, until social services got involved, has always been a comfort to me. At the hospital chapel in July 2013, I prayed and begged God not to let social services take my baby girl form, me and they did. I feel as though even God is not on my side and I don't know what to do for the best or where to turn to especially as my family and a number of friends have turned their backs on me. I have been scared to tell the remainder of my friends/social circle in case they reject me too.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS ALSO POSTED UNDER THE 'GENERAL DISCUSSION' FORUM

ange301126
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Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:27 pm

Re: FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER

Postby ange301126 » Mon May 25, 2015 6:32 am

Dear devastatedmama,

Your story , I fear , follows a very familiar pattern depressingly.
Firstly,do not lose your faith in God.Life is full of 'cares and woes' mingled with moments of absollute joy e.g.when baby came into this world.This is a test for you but a massive one, alas, on the scale of the story of the patriarch who was commanded by God to go onto the mountain and sacrifice his only son. Keep your faith please and trust in God that you will be together again with your son one day.Go to church, visit God, light a candle, see the priest and ask him to submit prayers during mass for you..
I suggest when you see your BARRISTER ,you instruct him in no uncertain terms to examine in meticulous detail the legal frameworks and guidelines pertaining to open-minded and impartial child-protection investigations and court procedures,,to establish EVERY instance where the case has not been conducted correctly and to appeal to the High Court at the first opportunity.

Although it sounds easy,the barriister may not listen so you must be strong to ensure he or she follows your instructions.You have gone along with them to date and where has it got you?
Be firm.

DevastatedMama
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 5:48 pm
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Re: FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER

Postby DevastatedMama » Thu May 28, 2015 5:54 pm

ange301126 wrote:Dear devastatedmama,

Your story , I fear , follows a very familiar pattern depressingly.
Firstly,do not lose your faith in God.Life is full of 'cares and woes' mingled with moments of absollute joy e.g.when baby came into this world.This is a test for you but a massive one, alas, on the scale of the story of the patriarch who was commanded by God to go onto the mountain and sacrifice his only son. Keep your faith please and trust in God that you will be together again with your son one day.Go to church, visit God, light a candle, see the priest and ask him to submit prayers during mass for you..
I suggest when you see your BARRISTER ,you instruct him in no uncertain terms to examine in meticulous detail the legal frameworks and guidelines pertaining to open-minded and impartial child-protection investigations and court procedures,,to establish EVERY instance where the case has not been conducted correctly and to appeal to the High Court at the first opportunity.

Although it sounds easy,the barriister may not listen so you must be strong to ensure he or she follows your instructions.You have gone along with them to date and where has it got you?
Be firm.


Dear ange301126,

Thanks very much for your reply. Your support & your kind words mean an awful lot to me.

I thank you for the appeal advice, but unfortunately my solicitor has told me that the only way I can appeal if I lose the case is if the Judge has made a grave error in his decision.

In terms of my faith with God, I'm questioning it because a) why did my prayer at the hospital go unanswered?, b) in my mind, the fact this prayer was ignored for whatever reason has led to me questioning God's very existence although I do not dispute or question the existence of Jesus, his apostles and his mother the Virgin Mary and c) why did God allow this to happen to me of all people when I love my daughter with all of my heart and I would never ever do anything to hurt, abuse or neglect her? I struggle therefore to believe in God as a man with a long beard dressed in white solving or acknowledging problems. If he does exist I hate Him for what He has insisted I go through - and not just me but most importantly my baby girl too. If God was a man in the street, and I encountered him now, I feel as though I may spit in His face and tell him to go f*** himself!!

Today was the 2nd day of the 3 day final hearing. My barrister has been wonderful & incredibly supportive throughout! I was cross-examined first my barrister, then by the social services barrister. She was merciless and on one or 2 occasions got me confused. Unfortunately the Judge only supported her and sought to criticize me for not answering the question effectively. The one good point is that I remained calm throughout the cross-examination by the social services barrister, despite her repeated attempts to deliberately provoke and antagonise me into losing my cool. My barrister had very stern words with me about keeping calm before testifying. I also practised deep breathing and CBT techniques before and during my testimony. Tomorrow is meant to be D-Day - the day where the final decision about my daughter's future will be made. A part of me is expecting to lose as everybody is saying I am incapable of parenting a child alone and minus the supervision of the contact supervisor, therefore I am bricking it big time and I don't know what to do or how to cope, especially if the Judge rules against me. I have tried my best but they have an answer and rationalization for EVERYTHING!!!

DevastatedMama

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri May 29, 2015 11:36 am

Dear DevastatedMama

I am sorry that you are struggling with your faith and feeling isolated from close family and friends at a time when you probably need to rely on them during what is a particularly difficult time.

However, you should feel proud that you managed to give the best account of yourself so that you could remain calm and composed under intense court scrutiny.

Whatever happens at court today your child can be assured that you fought your hardest to get a successful outcome, and hopefully some other forum users can offer you their expert advise to help you through this period.

I wish you all the best.

Suzie

ange301126
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:27 pm

Re: FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER

Postby ange301126 » Sun May 31, 2015 7:43 pm

Deardevastatedmama,

I wondered if you asked the barrister to look through the papers and do what I suggested.
If you decided not to- fair enough but if you did, how did he respond?

DevastatedMama
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 5:48 pm
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Re: FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER

Postby DevastatedMama » Thu May 18, 2017 4:51 pm

Hi

I've not been on since the final hearing concluded; here's an update

The Judge placed my daughter under an SGO. He called me a liar about the toast in the kitchen incident that led to my ejection from the mother & baby placement in April 2014(his words where something to the effect of, "I do not believe that the mother attempted to be the pacemaker!" :evil: :evil: :twisted: :twisted: ) and called me an unreasonable mother and person after his latter comment angered and upset me so much, I had to leave the court room in tears and because I was so angry!! I wasn't present when he made that insulting remark about me - if you ask me he's the one who's unreasonable as he refused to listen to me and then he has the audacity to not only call me a liar, but to belittle and reprimand me for getting upset which any parent IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would do in this situation :x :evil:

To forum user ange301126 who suggested that I take the case to the High Court for appeal, I didn't because I cannot afford the legal fees. I'm not sure if Legal Aid would cover it and even if it did, I've no faith in the family law legal system whatsoever now - forgive me for saying this, but they're all biased, evil, corrupt, lying ***** IMHO - and that's just the SWs. Some of the judges are no better. The original Judge handling my case was under investigation at the time he oversaw mine for telling a 13 year old her story was "cobblers" and for not getting the necessary paperwork. I had to find out from the SW on my case at the time, who must have wet herself with laughter and then some afterwards upon discovering that my solicitor had NOT informed me of this crucial piece of information. Clearly, he didn't fully learn lessons from the investigations as a) he completely discredited me and my story and b) he wasn't in charge of the hearing when the SGO was officially enforced and the relevant paperwork issued acknowledging my ex-sister-in-law and her husband as my daughter's official Guardians.

Anyway, I digress. My daughter was sent to live with her paternal aunt in August 2014. Initally, SS recommended I have 4 times a year contact with her (3 in S**** and 1 in L****) then they successfully reduced it to 3 times a year. The view is currently that when :o I build a sufficiently strong relationship with my ex's sister and her husband, then they'll back off and leave us be. However, that's proving to be rather difficult. The current contact worker (CW) is a cocky little so and so who thinks she knows EVERYTHING and lords it over me and talks down to me because I had my daughter removed from my care. For instance, during a conversation with my ex-sister-in-law, the CW said I was not allowed to have Skype with my daughter "because it's not in the Court order." When I challenged her on this and explained that the CAFCASS Guardian had OK'd this, her response was merely to the effect of, "I don't care, it's not in the Court order, therefore, you're not having it!" I sought to clarify this with the solicitor who represented me and I was somewhat miffed with her response; while she said I was entitled to Skype contact with my daughter, she pretty much told me I deserved what I got as I should not have had the conversation in front of the CW. :o That led me to think, "Woah, whose side are you REALLY on here???" the CW intruded into what was supposed to be a private conversation between myself and my daughter's guardian and it's MY fault??? ***? :o :o :evil:


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