FALSE DV ALLEGATIONS DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE & MAY COST ME MY DAUGHTER
Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 4:11 pm
My daughter was taken into care from birth at the beginning of July 2013; I wasn't allowed to take her home from hospital after birth as there were allegations made by my family about me having Asperger's and being a victim of domestic abuse. I was advised to split from my husband, avoid all contact with him and sign a s20.
In September 2013, I signed a pre-proceedings agreement with the local authority. One of the stipulations was I had to attend a mother and baby placement. I spent 14 weeks there before having to move to another placement elsewhere as the lady running the initial mother & baby unit was no longer able to continue due to family commitments. The placement should have lasted 12 weeks initially, but during that time, I had a parenting assessment undertaken by an Independent Social Worker who recommended I underwent a psychological assessment due to my history of depression. During that assessment process, the psychologist also completed a cognitive assessment with me. This confirmed that a) I do not have Asperger's or any other learning disability and b) while my history of depression was acknowledged, there was no reason in the psychologist's view why I couldn't have my daughter back or care for her effectively/meet her needs.
Things didn't work out at the second mother and baby placement. The lady was a psycho bitch who accused me of being an alcoholic with OCD; even now SS are trying to make out I have OCD because I use bleach to mop the floors in my flat, despite the fact the psychologist did not diagnose me with this condition! The placement subsequently had a negative knock-on effect on my confidence. During Easter 2014, she threw me out following an argument over breadcrumbs. I was making toast for my daughter and the woman accused me of deliberately making a mess of her kitchen! After the argument, when throwing me out, I was told that not allowed to collect my possessions, take my daughter with me or even say goodbye to her; I was threatened with the police if I did not leave there and then. The next day, I was summoned to the social worker's office and asked to explain what happened. I felt like a naughty stupid little girl summoned to the headmaster's office. I explained what happened and was told I had been accused of holding a serrated knife to my daughter during the argument. This is something that never happened (I love my daughter more than life itself and I would never, ever do anything like this to her!) I was also explained that despite co-operating with the local authority in terms of the second mother and baby placement (it was meant to last for 6 weeks while the psychological and cognitive assessments were carried out), I was going to be taken into court.
I then had to wait 4 months for them to file the paperwork, which they didn't do until August 2014 and even then that was because I gave them an ultimatum - file the paperwork by the end of the month or I am withdrawing my consent to my daughter being in care.
In that time, I have been pressured by the CAFCASS Guardian and various social workers to apply for a divorce from my husband. My legal team and I have explained that I cannot get Legal Aid funding for a divorce and that these proceedings have taken priority over my applying for a divorce, but that I will do this when the current court case concludes. I feel going through a divorce AND a court case regarding my daughter's future at the same time would be more than I can bear. This led to the CAFCASS Guardian lying about my intentions to divorce my husband in her most recent report.
I was diagnosed with post-natal depression in August 2014. I have had CBT for this, which I found incredibly useful and the therapist wrote a very positive report in my favour explaining how I engaged throughout the sessions and I would be able to request more CBT sessions in the future should the need arise. I am still on anti-depressants and am still attending counseling. Despite my improvements however, the CAFCASS Guardian has used my history of depression against me in her report and has said that my daughter should be sent to live with my sister-in-law in Barcelona (my estranged husband is Spanish and I put his sister forward as a potential guardian of our daughter - she and her husband have received positive reports from Social Services and the CAFCASS guardian.
My social worker had to complete the Local Authority's parenting assessment of me again. She was off on sick leave for 4 months and her replacement social worker screwed up her assessment of me. She only met me once and even then she turned up at my home unannounced; she did not observe contact between my daughter and myself then she said I should not get my daughter back and didn't explain why. This meant my original social worker had to redo the assessment upon her return to work. At the beginning of the first assessment meeting, she informed me that, even if the report was positive, she would not be recommending my daughter returns home but would be recommending that she goes to her paternal aunt and uncle in Spain. She would not tell me why this was, i.e. if there was any evidence to support allegations of abuse or neglect, and she kept fobbing me off with talk of "twin-tracking". However, my legal team have said that the local authority feel that they have exhausted every possible option with me and I have failed to meet their, I feel, impossibly high standards of 'good enough' parenting. The CAFCASS Guardian is in full support of the plan for my daughter to go to Spain. My legal team have warned me it looks as though I may lose as "it's very rare a Judge goes against both CAFASS and local authority recommendations." However, despite this, both my barrister and solicitor feel as though the CAFCASS guardian's report is a shambles as there's too much hearsay and too little fact to support her recommendation my daughter moves abroad. For example, the Guardian lied about my saying I was reluctant to divorce my husband and said that both my history of depression and my estrangement from my family are reasons why I am not a 'good enough' mother. She also said I have an anger management problem, that I am reluctant to take advice on board and I have not sought out support for my depression - all of which is untrue. My daughter's 2 in July, but already she's going through the Terrible Twos and has thrown some epic tantrums in the process - I have sought advice from the contact supervisor on how to handle her mood swings and how to handle them and I have taken his advice on board and followed it to the letter. I have also been reading up on the Terrible Twos, along with other aspects of parenting. I have attended parenting courses and the freedom programme. I also attended and engaged with CBT, as previously mentioned; I sought out help from a counselor and my current GP, both of whom have been incredible and non-judgmental sources of support. Whenever I have experienced depression, I have ALWAYS sought out help to overcome it. The fact that Social Services have dragged things out for nigh on 2 years hasn't helped, especially as I cannot plan for the future - I have been unable to get my daughter baptized into the Catholic faith, register her for nursery or look into possible schools for her. They also said that my 1 bedroom flat is an unsuitable environment for my daughter, which I agree with and have looked for private accommodation but to no avail. I have found it difficult because I am unemployed and on housing benefit with no savings so I can't pay for a deposit or agency fees. I have no guarantor and I am not 35 until June 2015. Social Services have refused to give me letters of support for social/council housing or assist with a deposit for a bigger place.
The case should have ended around February/March 2016. However, the final hearing is taking place over 3 days next week. I am dreading it and I am anticipating losing because of Social Services and CAFCASS. I am broken and devastated and I don't know what to do. I am even struggling with my Catholic faith, which, until social services got involved, has always been a comfort to me. At the hospital chapel in July 2013, I prayed and begged God not to let social services take my baby girl form, me and they did. I feel as though even God is not on my side and I don't know what to do for the best or where to turn to especially as my family and a number of friends have turned their backs on me. I have been scared to tell the remainder of my friends/social circle in case they reject me too.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS ALSO POSTED UNDER THE 'GENERAL DISCUSSION' FORUM
In September 2013, I signed a pre-proceedings agreement with the local authority. One of the stipulations was I had to attend a mother and baby placement. I spent 14 weeks there before having to move to another placement elsewhere as the lady running the initial mother & baby unit was no longer able to continue due to family commitments. The placement should have lasted 12 weeks initially, but during that time, I had a parenting assessment undertaken by an Independent Social Worker who recommended I underwent a psychological assessment due to my history of depression. During that assessment process, the psychologist also completed a cognitive assessment with me. This confirmed that a) I do not have Asperger's or any other learning disability and b) while my history of depression was acknowledged, there was no reason in the psychologist's view why I couldn't have my daughter back or care for her effectively/meet her needs.
Things didn't work out at the second mother and baby placement. The lady was a psycho bitch who accused me of being an alcoholic with OCD; even now SS are trying to make out I have OCD because I use bleach to mop the floors in my flat, despite the fact the psychologist did not diagnose me with this condition! The placement subsequently had a negative knock-on effect on my confidence. During Easter 2014, she threw me out following an argument over breadcrumbs. I was making toast for my daughter and the woman accused me of deliberately making a mess of her kitchen! After the argument, when throwing me out, I was told that not allowed to collect my possessions, take my daughter with me or even say goodbye to her; I was threatened with the police if I did not leave there and then. The next day, I was summoned to the social worker's office and asked to explain what happened. I felt like a naughty stupid little girl summoned to the headmaster's office. I explained what happened and was told I had been accused of holding a serrated knife to my daughter during the argument. This is something that never happened (I love my daughter more than life itself and I would never, ever do anything like this to her!) I was also explained that despite co-operating with the local authority in terms of the second mother and baby placement (it was meant to last for 6 weeks while the psychological and cognitive assessments were carried out), I was going to be taken into court.
I then had to wait 4 months for them to file the paperwork, which they didn't do until August 2014 and even then that was because I gave them an ultimatum - file the paperwork by the end of the month or I am withdrawing my consent to my daughter being in care.
In that time, I have been pressured by the CAFCASS Guardian and various social workers to apply for a divorce from my husband. My legal team and I have explained that I cannot get Legal Aid funding for a divorce and that these proceedings have taken priority over my applying for a divorce, but that I will do this when the current court case concludes. I feel going through a divorce AND a court case regarding my daughter's future at the same time would be more than I can bear. This led to the CAFCASS Guardian lying about my intentions to divorce my husband in her most recent report.
I was diagnosed with post-natal depression in August 2014. I have had CBT for this, which I found incredibly useful and the therapist wrote a very positive report in my favour explaining how I engaged throughout the sessions and I would be able to request more CBT sessions in the future should the need arise. I am still on anti-depressants and am still attending counseling. Despite my improvements however, the CAFCASS Guardian has used my history of depression against me in her report and has said that my daughter should be sent to live with my sister-in-law in Barcelona (my estranged husband is Spanish and I put his sister forward as a potential guardian of our daughter - she and her husband have received positive reports from Social Services and the CAFCASS guardian.
My social worker had to complete the Local Authority's parenting assessment of me again. She was off on sick leave for 4 months and her replacement social worker screwed up her assessment of me. She only met me once and even then she turned up at my home unannounced; she did not observe contact between my daughter and myself then she said I should not get my daughter back and didn't explain why. This meant my original social worker had to redo the assessment upon her return to work. At the beginning of the first assessment meeting, she informed me that, even if the report was positive, she would not be recommending my daughter returns home but would be recommending that she goes to her paternal aunt and uncle in Spain. She would not tell me why this was, i.e. if there was any evidence to support allegations of abuse or neglect, and she kept fobbing me off with talk of "twin-tracking". However, my legal team have said that the local authority feel that they have exhausted every possible option with me and I have failed to meet their, I feel, impossibly high standards of 'good enough' parenting. The CAFCASS Guardian is in full support of the plan for my daughter to go to Spain. My legal team have warned me it looks as though I may lose as "it's very rare a Judge goes against both CAFASS and local authority recommendations." However, despite this, both my barrister and solicitor feel as though the CAFCASS guardian's report is a shambles as there's too much hearsay and too little fact to support her recommendation my daughter moves abroad. For example, the Guardian lied about my saying I was reluctant to divorce my husband and said that both my history of depression and my estrangement from my family are reasons why I am not a 'good enough' mother. She also said I have an anger management problem, that I am reluctant to take advice on board and I have not sought out support for my depression - all of which is untrue. My daughter's 2 in July, but already she's going through the Terrible Twos and has thrown some epic tantrums in the process - I have sought advice from the contact supervisor on how to handle her mood swings and how to handle them and I have taken his advice on board and followed it to the letter. I have also been reading up on the Terrible Twos, along with other aspects of parenting. I have attended parenting courses and the freedom programme. I also attended and engaged with CBT, as previously mentioned; I sought out help from a counselor and my current GP, both of whom have been incredible and non-judgmental sources of support. Whenever I have experienced depression, I have ALWAYS sought out help to overcome it. The fact that Social Services have dragged things out for nigh on 2 years hasn't helped, especially as I cannot plan for the future - I have been unable to get my daughter baptized into the Catholic faith, register her for nursery or look into possible schools for her. They also said that my 1 bedroom flat is an unsuitable environment for my daughter, which I agree with and have looked for private accommodation but to no avail. I have found it difficult because I am unemployed and on housing benefit with no savings so I can't pay for a deposit or agency fees. I have no guarantor and I am not 35 until June 2015. Social Services have refused to give me letters of support for social/council housing or assist with a deposit for a bigger place.
The case should have ended around February/March 2016. However, the final hearing is taking place over 3 days next week. I am dreading it and I am anticipating losing because of Social Services and CAFCASS. I am broken and devastated and I don't know what to do. I am even struggling with my Catholic faith, which, until social services got involved, has always been a comfort to me. At the hospital chapel in July 2013, I prayed and begged God not to let social services take my baby girl form, me and they did. I feel as though even God is not on my side and I don't know what to do for the best or where to turn to especially as my family and a number of friends have turned their backs on me. I have been scared to tell the remainder of my friends/social circle in case they reject me too.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS ALSO POSTED UNDER THE 'GENERAL DISCUSSION' FORUM