confused and don't know where to turn

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Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2015 2:16 pm

confused and don't know where to turn

Post by leajay » Wed Apr 15, 2015 4:32 pm

I don't really know where to start have 2 years worth of ss involvement. Basically, I left my ex to be with someone else. My new partner has a criminal record however when we got together in 2012 he had not been in trouble since 2010. It was my ex and various others of his supporters who made phone calls to ss expressing concern my partner had a record and claiming he was a risk to the children. Just a point to note that really bugs me. My ex kept the house and all the furniture despite me being the main bread winner for 4 years. Within days of leaving I had found a home for me and my four children after being in temp accommodation and in order to make sure my 3 oldest and one of his own saw their dad/step dad I did him a food shopping and bought him tobacco every week.

Anyway, within 3 days of moving into our new home sw rung and asked to come to house. She did an initial assessment and came back to me saying there were no concerns. My oldest daughter struggled to adjust to the changes and I asked as for support for her.

The rest I will bullet point because its so long winded.
-my ex took an overdose
-he introduced our d to 2 different gf's in 2 weeks
-he got arrested for theft with 1 year probation
-ss did back ground check on partner. Had violence and possession charges.
-partner not to have contact with children pending R.A. (contract of expectations)
-breached contract let partner sleep over.
-oldest d was having support because she was struggling with change.
-about 3 weeks after signing c.o.e cp sw and police knocked door.
-d had said my p had hit her. Police questioned her. She said she had lied.
-police & sw checked her over anyway. The police officers suggested a camh referral for d.
-did not even speak to my partner but did advice me not to breach contract again.
-partner moved in with his brother.
-child protection process started because of breach of c.o.e. putnon cp register.
-partners c.record was cause for concern. As was my mental health (bipolar,anxiety & personality disorder)
-mental health deteriorated. Asked my mum to have my 3 oldest for few weeks while I got well.
- ss arranged for youngest to go to her dad.
-next cp conference sw said if kids stayed where they were they could come off the register and at that moment that was all i wanted so agreed. That stopped the plo process.
-oldest daughter was moved from my mum's to her dads then sw rung to say he couldn't look after her because it was disrupting his other children.
-agreed s20 pending R.A. after R.A. as said partner was potential risk coz of c.record but did not mention allegation she had made. Said even if we split up daughter would be at risk of emotional abuse due to my mood disorder.
-d has been in same foster placement for 2years. I have had weekly contact inc overnight.
-my partner stays at his friends
-also have contact with other d over night every week and the boys during holidays because of how far away they live.
-youngest ds dad has residency order. No contact order no ss involvement in place.
-S's who live with mum no contact order or ss involvement.
-November 2014 partner went to prison for 8 weeks for d.a. came out January and has sought help for his issues. (Has mh diagnosis, takes meds daily) no drug/alcohol issues.
-oldest d has asked for contact with partner with a view to returning home under shared care plan.
-new c.o.e drawn up station contact to be just me and the children. And sw to conduct a R.A.
-contract was signed 7 weeks ago but we've heard nothing. What is the procedure for this situation?
-younger d has asked (her dad who told me) that she also wants to see my partner. What can we do about it. (I did sign c.o.e 2 years ago before residency order to say my partner would not be part of contact until further notice from ss)

Sorry its such a long winded thread but I have literally not spoken to anyone about this and just done everything asked of me.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2117
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: confused and don't know where to turn

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Apr 16, 2015 2:42 pm

Dear Leejay

Welcome to the parents' discussion board. My name is Suzie, one of FRG's online advisers.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such difficult time at the moment with regards to the child protection plan involving your children.

It seems that you find yourself in the middle of a particular complex set of family circumstances and that both you and your partner have your own support needs which hopefully will be addressed through the child protection conference process.

Do you have an up to date copy of the new contract of expectations and a risk assessment regarding your partner. It is important that all documents truly reflect your family's current situation. If you have not yet been provided with a copy, I would be asking for these to be given to you so you can measure any progress made alongside the child protection plan as these will be crucial in terms of any forward planning about your children in terms of any risks or action that needs to be taken to keep them safe.

In the meantime can I suggest you continue to cooperate with the child protection plan and mental health services if they are involved. You may also find it useful to contact MIND who may be able to offer advocacy support to you at this time.

If you require additional support, and wish to speak to an adviser, can I suggest you contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.00 pm.

Best Wishes


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