partner leaving custody

freshstart
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:24 pm

partner leaving custody

Postby freshstart » Tue Mar 24, 2015 9:00 pm

Hi, looking for a bit of advice if possible. I currently have cs involved with my teenage twins due to them displaying challenging behaviour ie truanting school, getting involved with older kids & smoking, drinking, not doing what they are told by me etc.
my partner & I have been in a on off relationship for the last 15 months. Off being due to his ex who cant accept their marriage is over so will do whatever it takes to cause trouble between me & him & both of us. in my opinion she is a sociopath. Displays all the sociopathic behaviour pathalogical liar etc
Me & him have always lived independently, he has his own house I have mine.
to cut a long story short back in November my partner got very drunk & was at the end of his tether with his ex & sent a threat to his ex & 13 year old daughter, his ex totally over exaggerated the situation And he was remanded into custody. Hes never been in prison before & has had very little to do with the police apart from towards the end of his marriage, the police were called a few to times. He knows & recognises what he did was wrong & we have decided that when hes released (possibly friday) hes moving in with me as his own home is directly across the road to his ex wife & due to the type of person she is, he needs to get away from her Otherwise theres a chance all of whats happened may happen again. At the time he was dirking excessively & has faced upto that whilst in prison. I live 15 miles away from his home.
now cs (my kids have early intervention. A family eorker as opposed to a social worker) have said that they will have to pass us back to contact & refferal & another family assesment will have to be done to determine if my partner poses a risk to myself & my kids because of what hes pleaded guilty to. He pleaded guilty to sending a threat but because it was sent to his ex & daughter it is domestic violence. Hes never been violent to me or my kids which ive told cs this. The domestic violence In his marraige was both sided but mainly due to his exs lies, stealing, manipulation etc
me & him have a totally different type of relationship. There was never any domestic violence with his first partner of 10 years whom he also has kids too. Only with his wife of 14 years but only married for 2.
can anyone give me any advice on how this is relevant to him moving in with me & if it'll effect him moving in with me or the involvement cs will have with us?

Thanks in advance

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1734
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Mar 26, 2015 6:01 pm

Dear Freshstart

Welcome to the Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie and I am an Adviser at Family Rights Group.

From your post it appears that you feel that your partner has been having a very rough time due to his ex-wife’s behaviour. This has caused you to be very upset about the situation that you both find yourself in and you want to help and support your partner.

Your partner’s behaviour despite what is ex-wife might have done was clearly inappropriate bearing in mind he made a threat to her as well as his 13 year old daughter. The police took this seriously and he has had to pay the price for his behaviour. It is good that he accepts his behaviour was wrong and he has tried to address his drinking during his time in prison.

Children Services have said it is their intention to carry out a risk assessment to ensure that it is safe for him to be around your children. You say that your relationship with your partner has no domestic violence; however, Children Services may take the view that it is a fairly new relationship and you have not lived together so it is important to carry out this assessment due to his previous behaviour.

It is not clear from your post whether your children are subject to Child Protection or Child in Need Plans. As there is a family support worker I assume that Children Services continue have some concerns about your children.
If you do want your partner to move in with you for the reasons you have given, I think you will have to accept that a risk assessment will be carried out especially as Children Services is already involved with your family. My suggestion is that you and your partner should cooperate with the risk assessment. You can discuss with the Children Services how the assessment will be carried out, how long it will last and whether there is anything that you or your partner are required to do as part of the assessment.

Should you and your partner refuse to cooperate, this could lead Children Services to consider whether it is safe for your children to remain in your home and take appropriate action. This is something you will need to consider, since it could be seen as you failing to protect your children. I have included a copy of our advice sheet about child protection procedures as well as one relating to family support services.

I hope you will find this information helpful but if you wish to speak to an Adviser, please telephone our free advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

Best wishes,

Suzie

freshstart
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:24 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby freshstart » Thu Apr 09, 2015 4:42 pm

Thanks for the advice. can you give me more information on the MASH team & what they do as my partner wants to see his own children.a referral has been made to the MASH team at his childrens local cs in regards to his own children. We're both complying with cs in regards to myself & my children, assessments are currently being carried out but his choldren live in a different borough to where cs are carrying out assessments in regards to our relationship.

freshstart
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:24 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby freshstart » Thu Apr 09, 2015 6:25 pm

Sorry I forgot to mention, no my children aren't subject to a child protection plan or child in need plan as far as im aware. No one from cs have ever mentioned anything like that to me.

freshstart
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:24 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby freshstart » Fri Apr 17, 2015 7:06 pm

Hi, need some more advice, i was made to sign an agreement that i wouldnt have my partner around my children so he's been staying at my mam's. However today i took him to my house to make some phone calls but the social worker turned up & found him at my home. I explained that we were making some phone calls & thats the only reason he was there but the social worker wasnt interested. My children were out at the time. The social worker contacted her manager & rang me & said there going to have a stratigy meeting on tuesday 5 mins later the police turned up at my mams house to check everyones welfare. The police said his super was questioning why they were sent out because theres no restrictions been imposed by the courts on my partner. It seems probation are putting lots of obsticles in place. Probation have had thd fire service attend both my address & my mams address because of the nature of the conviction. His ex wife has told loads of lies in her statements but probation are going off what she has told police & dont seem to be listening to my partner about his ex wife being a pathalogical liar. Hes being backed into a corner to return to his home address by probation & social services. The problem being with him going back to his home address is his ex wife who caused him to be so messed up when he committed the offence lives across the road. His kids live with her but hes not allowed any contact with his kids & once his kids realise hes back home are going to want to see him putting him in a bad position having to turn his kids away.
Dont think social services or probation are being very fair

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1734
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Apr 20, 2015 12:14 pm

Dear freshstart,

It sounds like all the agencies are very worried about your partner’s threat to his exe and child. The fact that the fire brigade is taking his threat seriously must also worry them. Although his exe may be lying-the agencies have to treat them seriously until all the evidence has been considered.


You had signed an agreement (often called a contract of expectations) not to allow your partner into your home due to a possible risk of domestic violence to you and your children. This agreement was likely to stay in place until children services had completed their assessment of your partner. This may take some months.
Hopefully at the end of the assessment, they would have agreed with you-that he is not a risk to you or your children. They may have expected your partner to attend courses to deal with possible domestic violence.

However, it appears that you might have broken this agreement by allowing your partner into your family home-even though the children were not there. Is that right? Some agreements might allow a “risky “partner into a home as long as the children are not present. Others very clearly say-a risky partner is not allowed-until it is known that he is safe. Check the agreement.

If you have breached your agreement-then children services will be worried that you are not protecting your children. They might think that you are putting your own needs and your partners needs before your children’s need to be protected. They might also be worried that it was just by chance they had caught your partner at the family home-and that he is always there. Can you check what the agreement says? Is it clear? Did you misunderstand it? If it is not clear and you did not understand it-because it was not explained to you-please tell them.

Strategy discussion. (Look at our advice sheet about child protection procedures).

This is a discussion which takes place between Children’s Services, the police and sometimes other child care agencies when there are child protection concerns. The fire brigade may also be involved.
The purpose of the discussion is to decide whether a child protection investigation be started? How should the investigation proceed? Should there be a child protection conference? What other immediate steps be taken to keep your children safe while the child protection investigation is underway, for example:
• re writing the agreement that your partner does not to come to the family home, The agreement should outline what might happen if you breach it again.
• a safe family member or friend being asked to move into your home to supervise the children
• You and your children staying with a family or friend who has been assessed to supervise you
• You being asked to move to a “safe address”
• They may want you to seek legal advice as well.

As a parent you are not invited but you should be advised about the decisions made at the meeting.
Here is some information about child protection when domestic violence is a concern .

I hope this helps. If you wish to discuss in depth you could always call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie

freshstart
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:24 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby freshstart » Sun May 03, 2015 9:29 pm

Hi, sorry i haven't been back to you. After the strategy meeting i was informed by the sw that a s47 enquiery was to be carried out. The day the sw came & found my partner at my home i explained the reason he was there but she sent the police who stated thry have no concerns as there is no restrictions been imposed on my partner by the courts, the police officer shook my partners hand & wished him luck. He said he was reporting back no concerns. she then sent out of hours who attended unannouced, to see if my partner was there, they asked to check my house which i allowed them to & found my partner not to be there. I explained a bit of the circumstsnces to out of hours sw's who seemed a bit more understanding. I checked the agreement again & it does not state on it that my partner cannot be at my home shen my children are not in. It only states thst i wont allow him to reside at my address or have contact with my children. The sw has spoken to both of my children & they have told her they are not worried about anything. My daughter told her that it would be good for me to have him at my house as they are out alot & i spend quite alot of time at home alone. I have since gone to see a solicitor who is looking into matters for me but i recieved a letter inviting me & my partner to a initial cp meeting that will be held by an independent safe guarding person. Now the sw has stated that she is concerned that my daughter looks after her cousins for no more than half an hour on a morning whilst my sister does her calls. She is a home carer. My daughter is very mature & knows exactly what to do if there was an emergancy. Ive read that theres no legal age on babysitters. My daughter is like a an adult at times & is very mature & responsible. both of my children have told the sw there is no need for them to be involved & that im more than capable of protecting my children from harm. My partner has also told the sw this. My partner is currently attending a building better relationships course that was imposed on him by the court. We have complied with ss & he has complied with everything that the court have imposed on him. The fire brigade checked my house & were also reporting back no concerns. It was his probation officer who sent out the fire brigade not ss. Hes struggling with the bbr course hes started as its aimed at men who attack & hurt their wives/girl friends & as hes not like that hes finding it hard to relate to the course but is continuing with it as thats what the court said he had to do. He has now started the councelling he was due to start just before being jailed & the councelling he is having is because of the years of psychological & mental abuse he suffered at the hands of his ex. Im not making excuses for him as i have seen it all with my own eyes & heard it all with my own ears what his ex put him though.

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1734
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed May 06, 2015 1:58 pm

Dear Freshstart

Thank you for posting again on the Parents’ Discussion Forum.

I am sorry that you are still having a worrying time as a result of Children Services involvement with your family.

In your post you say that following the strategy meeting you were informed that the social worker would be carrying out child protection enquiries under s.47. Have you received a copy of the report from the social worker?

The outcome of the child protection enquiries is that your children have or are at risk of suffering significant harm in the future so this is why an Initial Child Protection Conference has been arranged. The conference will be attended by professionals involved with your family. For example, your children school, school nurse, GP, the police etc or will provide a report to the conference. You and your partner can inform the social worker if you wish to have a family member or friend attend the meeting with you for support. You can find further information inthe advice sheet relating to Child Protection procedures which was sent to you previously.

A film explaining the way the child protection conference and be seen here.

As you may already be aware, the conference will decide whether your children should be on a child protection or a child in need plan. The final decision will be for the Chair of the conference to make once the other professionals have given their views.

You have not said your children’s ages but you did say in an earlier post that your children are teenagers. It is correct to say that there is no age specified for a babysitter but if the babysitter is under 16 the likelihood is that the parent will be held responsible if something happened to child. Should your daughter not be going to school in the morning? If she is looking after her cousin rather than going to school this will be of concern to Children Services. How old are the children that your daughter is looking after? Leaving children for a short time with another child who is responsible and has the maturity is not in itself wrong but your daughter is expected to do this on a regular basis. Children Services would not want your daughter to be put in the position of parenting her younger cousins.

I would advise that your partner continues with the building better relationship course as it will be seen as important for him to address the issues he had in his previous relationship. This will have an impact on his relationship with you even though you say there have so far been no problems in your relationship. It might help him should you begin to live together on a full time basis. Your partner should also continue attending his counselling as this is likely to help him deal with issues relating to his daughter and his previous relationship.

I hope you will find this information helpful but should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

Best wishes,

Suzie

freshstart
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:24 pm

Re: partner leaving custody

Postby freshstart » Wed May 06, 2015 4:11 pm

Hi thanks for your reply.

My children are 14 this year. My daughter does go to school every day & looks after her cousin between 7-7.30 am. Her cousin is still in bed until her mam returns at 7.30 so my daughter is there incase anything was to happen as shes very mature for her age & knows exactly what to do should an emergancy arise. The ages of the children she looks after are 7 & 10 so they are not toddlers Or babies. The school nurse has phoned me today & told me of her report. She said her report is all very positive. That ive always attended any scheduled appts theres never been one dna, that my children are in good general health, there has never been any unnecessary a&e attendences & they have only attended a&e due to injury they may have sustained, that i have seeked & have in place good help with regards to them displaying challenging behaviour. That there is lots of evidence of positive parenting as i dont ignore the things they are soing that they shouldnt be doing unlike some parents do.
i havent recieved the report from the social worker as yet but she said i will get it before the meeting which is to take place on the 11th may


Return to “Are social workers worried about domestic violence in your family?”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests