Please help - urgent

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Joined: Fri Jun 14, 2019 2:43 pm

Please help - urgent

Post by L2007 » Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:30 pm

I'm male have been controlled by my ex-partner since before our separation. Since I left she has been controlling and mistreating the kids and I've tried to stop it, but I can't. I've told police and the schools, but they refer it to children's services and my ex has convinced the social worker that SHE is the victim of control and that me and the children are lying about her. The social worker has believed it all and social services have worked with her to build a case against me. They've even signed documents on my behalf that I've never seen and hung up on my son when he told her that mum was lying.

I'm feeling very powerless to protect myself and my kids and I've run out of options. I've tried custody proceedings in court, but the solicitor says that if I criticise social services, they won't like me either.

I feel like giving up, but my kids have got no one else to protect them :-(

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Please help - urgent

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 29, 2019 11:42 am

Dear L2007

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parent’ discussion forum.

I am sorry that you did not receive a response to your post before now.

You say that you have left and abusive and controlling relationship and, as a result your children are being mistreated by their mother. The police have made referrals to children’s services but you do not believe that your children’s views about their mother’s behaviour is being taken seriously by the social worker involved and you believe that she has taken the mother’s side and ignored the children.

If, as you state documents have been signed in your name, this would amount to fraudulent behaviour and something the police can investigate if you report it to them. A social worker would not be acting in a professional manner to encourage someone or to do so himself or herself to sign someone else’s name. You may wish to consider making a formal complaint about the social worker to her employers or to the professional body that oversees social workers. The professional body is the Health and Care Professionals Council (this will be replaced in December 2019 by Social Work England).

To make a complaint to children’s services you may find it helpful to read our advice sheet Challenging decisions and making complaints

It appears that you have already made an application to the court for your children to live with you and the court’s decision seem to be that your children should remain in their mother’s care. You have not given any indication of your children’s ages but they would have been asked to express their wishes and feelings when a report was written to the court by children’s services or Cafcass. If the case in ongoing and you think your children’s voices are not being heard then you could speak to NYAS (National Youth Advocacy Service) on 0808 808 1007 to provide an advocate to support the children.

Depending on their ages, your children can speak to their school teacher if they are not happy at home, or to Childline.

The important thing is for your children to be safe so if you believe children’s services are not following up on concerns, you have the right to question this. I do not think it is about whether children’s services like you or not. They have a safeguarding role and you deal with you and any other person with safeguarding concerns in an appropriate and professional way.

This advice sheet An introductory guide to Children’s Services explains what should happen when children’s services receives a referral.

I think you may find it helpful to get some support from Mankind on 01823 334244 a service for men who have been victims of domestic abuse.

Hope this is helpful.

Best wishes


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