Judge removed baby based on past DA relationship

Post Reply
QuestionMark
Posts: 145
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

Judge removed baby based on past DA relationship

Post by QuestionMark » Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:42 am

I'm distraught. I was in a really bad relationship 2 years ago and there was a finding that 'the relationship was unstable and abusive'. He had police records of DA against him and he continued to be abusive by threatening to break into my house after we broke up.

2 years later I have a child with someone else and this judge suddenly decided me and my ex were 'as bad as each other' because I used self-defence against my abuser once. My baby was removed on the basis of future emotional harm just in case they're exposed to DA in the future.

I feel so helpless and confused. What can I do

QuestionMark
Posts: 145
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

Re: Judge removed baby based on past DA relationship

Post by QuestionMark » Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:45 am

Another irony is that a divorce court judge granted my application for divorce based on HIS (my ex's) unreasonable behaviour. Why don't courts talk to each other?

QuestionMark
Posts: 145
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

Re: Judge removed baby based on past DA relationship

Post by QuestionMark » Thu Jun 27, 2019 8:29 am

I've just realised the judge made no such comment about us being 'as bad as each other' nor have he made a findings to say thats the case! It was the social worker who tried claiming that i need to take responsibility for the abuse that took place and the judge was just repeating her point of few in the discussion bit of the judgement, but there isn't actually I finding around this.

Suzie, can you please advise?

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2677
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Judge removed baby based on past DA relationship

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jul 31, 2019 11:28 am

Dear Questionmark

You have made several posts relating to the court proceedings in which you were involved and in respect of comments the social worker made to you. I will respond to each of your post in turn.

Regarding your question to the social worker about what you can do to be able to care for a child in the future, my advice would be as follows:

The social worker has, you state, told you that there is nothing you can do but also suggests that you might need to have counselling. You were in a domestically abusive relationship and it may be that you need to work on the effect this may have had on you emotionally. Since you appear to have engaged with Women’s Aid, you should be able to ask them for support around being a survivor of domestic abuse. This might help you in future relationships so you recognise and can have the strength to deal with an abusive situation before it gets out of hand.

I do not think it would be wrong for the social worker to say that you have been through emotional trauma if you were in an abusive relationship.

If the social worker said in her evidence that there was mutual abuse then it would have been for your legal team to challenge this at the time.

Please read our frequently asked questions here about what could happen where a mother has had previous child or children removed from their care and expecting another child.

In relation to your second post regarding the reason your baby was removed from your care, I think it is important that you work on these issues to ensure that you would not fall into the same situation again where a child could be exposed to emotional harm because of the relationship you find yourself in.

You say that you obtained a divorce based on your husband’s unreasonable behaviour and that courts should speak to each other. Unfortunately, unreasonable behaviour in divorce proceedings is what is called a subjective test. That means that it is behaviour that you as the petitioner could not live with. Another person may not find the same behaviour unreasonable.

In respect of the comment of ‘being bad as each other’, I am not sure what advice you are seeking about this since you have said the judge made no findings in this relating to this. From what you say, the judge mentioned that it was said and it may be that was the social worker’s professional opinion.

It may also be that the social worker was of the view that you were not acknowledging the extent of the abuse in the relationship.
Since the judge made no findings about this I do not think this is something you should really worry about now. What is important is for you, is that you look carefully at what the actual findings were as well as the reasons that your child could not remain in your care on try to work on these issues as best you can. In this way, should you at a later date decide to have another child, it will be a completely new situation and you will hopefully be able to evidence the significant changes you have made to your life.

Any assessment of you will look at you as you are at the time. The history will be there to inform the assessment but not a deciding factor if you have turned your life around.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Post Reply