SS think I'm making DV up, so starting care proceedings

[SilverLining]

Hi, this is my first post.

I am in a very complicated case. I lost three children earlier this year to my first husband (I left due to DV, have an text where he admits strangling me but little else) They were in my care, with a younger child with my second husband, and the PLO process started due to DV with ex2. During the PLO meeting I was told if there was more incidents, they would escalate this to proceedings. DV carried on (though living separately, he carried out sexual assault, harassment etc) but I feared reporting this due to looming care proceedings. He has been arrested twice previously. We had a psych. assessment and I came across as vague and evasive and she diagnosed traits of a narcissist, psychopath and histrionic. He said I was the abuser, he was too scared to speak out etc (though he managed to find this strength within 3 weeks of getting leave to remain in the country! Obviously I have never ever abused him). This however was based on a SS report which omitted the fact I was strangled by ex 1 so the assessor concluded I am a pathological liar. There was also a concern raised by a third party about one of my sons displaying sexualised behaviour, which I was very worried about as I had reported concerns about ex 1, however SS did not log this call on their system and again the assessor concluded I am a pathological liar. I have tried again and again to raise this with SS to at least correct factual errors, but they have habitually ignored me. They have listed their concerns as being my "unsubstantiated" allegations of DV (despite the police having photos of my face after one incident) and my "unstable lifestyle" because I left the home due to DV. I feel however if I talk about abuse in therapy, the psychologist will conclude I am still lying and histrionic and not capable of change. I feel like I've been utterly set up to fail. There is no concerns with my child in my care outside of this psych assessment and "long term care". Care proceedings have been "starting" for 6 months now but have yet to be filed for. I have little evidence of DV, however the children were on a CPP due to it.

Where do I even stand anymore? SS are very supportive of my ex and even told him to not return my child after contact as he had more power than them, thankfully I over heard this and I now have a court under taking from him that he won't do this.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Hello

Have you put in a request to access all data held on yourself? If not I strongly suggest you do so forthwith. Request all notes even hand written by CS also ask for internal and external emails and memos. Be specific include all the names of professionals you have come across thus far. Basically, anything you can think of ask for.

You will need to do a separate request to access the data the police hold.

Dependant on the age of your children you might be able to request data held on them also.

With regard to the psychological assessment - get one done independently from someone out of county. You could even approach the NHS and request an assessment. To diagnosis personality disorders and alike is not usually done in short period of time. Your entire background and history, medical notes etc would need to be looked at. Many sessions would normally be needed to diagnosis a disorder. People are complex and react differently under stress and pressure - your reactions could be your own self defence mechanism? You are entitled legally to seek a second opinion.

Sorry if my response seems rushed - I didn't want to read and run.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear SilverLining

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thanks for your post.

My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you find yourself in this distressing and confused state due to the involvement of children’s services (this is the new name for social services) involvement with your family.

You say in your post that you lost 3 of your children to their father earlier in the year. Did your ex-husband make an application to the court for child arrangement orders for the children to live with him? It may be that because children’s services had concerns about the domestic violence in your relationship with your second husband that the children’s father were contact when they became involved. He may have decided that rather than his children being in the care system he would look after them. You say that there was domestic violence in your relationship with him and this was the reason you left but you have little evidence of what happened except for a text where he admitted strangling you.

Children’s services would have carried out an assessment to ensure that being with their father would be safe for the children. If children’s services assessed him and decided that the children were not a risk in his care then this may be why they are with him now.
It appears that the children may all have been on child protection plans. Do read our advice sheet Child protection procedures for more information. The plans may not have been working in the way that children’s services expected or wanted in order to ensure the children were being looked after in a safe environment. You say that you have been involved in the public law outline (PLO) process and one of the things you were told needed to change to prevent children’s services applying to the court, there were to be no more incidents of domestic violence. You were living separately from your second husband, this was also because of domestic violence. There is a link relating to domestic violence advice for mothers which you may find helpful.

Unfortunately, the domestic violence continued but you did nothing for fear of care proceedings being started. Did you consider informing your solicitor? He or she could have applied to the court for a non-molestation order to keep him away from you. Perhaps children’s services did not believe that you were really separated and, as such, you were not protecting the children. What was your second husband arrested for, you say he was arrested twice, was this in relation to domestic violence? The police would have a record of this so children’s services would be aware of this domestic violence but could still conclude that he can safely look after the children.

You have, unfortunately, had a negative assessment from a psychiatrist who has diagnosed different issues that are affecting you. Have you ever had psychiatric involvement before? Your husband alleged that you were abusive towards him – what evidence did he have to back up his allegations against you?

I think it is unlikely that an experienced psychiatrist would reach the conclusion that you are lying simply because there was no mention of your first husband allegedly strangling you.

There seems to be issues other than domestic violence which concerns children’s services. You mention sexualised behaviour from one of your sons as well as issues related to your lifestyle.

As you say you have suffered domestic abuse from both your husbands, I think it is really important that you are open and honest about in your assessment/therapy. Being vague and evasive it not likely to help your situation and may lead to you being misdiagnosed and not receiving the help and support you need.

Discuss your concerns with your solicitor and he or she will be able to advice you about the procedures you have been involved in so far. It may be that children’s services is ensuring that all assessments are completed before issuing care proceedings but you should be give clear information about their plans and your solicitor can obtain information from children’s services

Regarding the information held on children’s services records, you can ask for a copy of the records and our advice sheet Access to information held by Children’s Services explains the procedure. If you find that there is incorrect information then you could ask for changes to be made and if children’s services refuse you can consider if you want to make a formal complaint Challenging decisions and making complaints.

It is really important that you have a clear understanding of the issues that are of concern to children’s services regarding your care of your children. They need you to show that you are able to safely care for the children and that they are not at risk of physical, emotional, or sexual harm.

I am including a copy of our advice relating to Care (and related) proceedings which I hope will give you a clearer idea of the court process.

You may find it helpful to speak to an adviser and, if this is the case, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Best wishes

Suzie