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Domestic abuse and social services taking it too serious

Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2017 5:13 pm
by Rodxg8
I was doing this freedom programme about recognising domestic abuse and obviously it didn’t make my life easier. After having 2 really bad weeks the night after going to the next freedom programme lesson, my partner got angry because our toddler was screaming and said that he feels like he could kill her and throw her agains the walls. We didn’t have an argument I said to him that he should never say things like this and changed the subject. The next morning after speak about all kinds of abuse I told the people who teach us the freedom programme what my partner has said. After I said that he didn’t mean it and I broke down to the wrong people they carried on telling me that it is very serious and I’m not allowed to go back home. Social services have been called and they took me and my daughter far away to a women’s refuge. They keep threatening me that if I have any contact with my partner they will take my baby away. They said I can come back to my partner in a few months after he goes to the psychologist and does a domestic abuse course for male who abuse women. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to speak to any his family either. We have been together for 5 years and this is the first time he said something mean about our daughter. He never went further than pushing me whe we had an argument and the abuse has only been emotional and psychological. Christmas is around the corner and i wish nothing more than changing back the time. I am 2 hours away from my mum and every I know. I want to go and live with his parents but the ss keep say that if something goes wrong then they will remove my child. What should I do ? I can’t stay so far away for 3 months.. does anyone know if I could take this to court and maybe the judge will let me stay with his parents and see my partner from time to time until he gets himself sorted without anyone threatening to remove my child ?

Re: Domestic abuse and social services taking it too serious

Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 5:20 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear Rodxg8,

Welcome to the Parents Forum.

I am sorry to hear of that you are experiencing domestic abuse and that your partner has threatened to harm your child. From what you have said I understand why the professionals supporting you through the Freedom Programme became concerned and why they contacted Children’s Services.

When a parents says that they are experiencing violent thoughts towards their child (whether they mean it or not) it is important that the other parent and the child are removed from the home to safety. This is why you and your baby are now living in a refuge.

You said that you doubt that your partner would harm your baby but because he said that he would, social workers and the other professionals supporting had no choice but to safeguard your baby.
Research has shown that often, when parents have killed or harmed their own children it can be due to a sudden loss of control.

At the moment it is not ‘safe’ for you to have contact with your child’s father. Children’s Services will want to assess him to see whether he is dangerous to your baby and he will also be expected to do domestic violence programmes, like you are doing.
These assessments may take some months to complete and you may have to stay in the refuge during that time: it is important that you show the social workers that you can keep your baby safe.

Children’s Services have a duty to protect children from being harmed. If they thought you had put your baby at risk by seeing dad, going to his home or his parent’s home, they would seek an urgent court order (or police protection) to remove your baby from you.

You ask whether you can go to court yourself as you do not agree with the plans.
There is no court application that you can make. The courts would only get involved if children services made an application to remove your baby from you.

Instead, the social worker as part of her assessment of your family, will want to speak to other people in your network such as the grandparents. You could ask whether they could be assessed to protect you and baby. weeks
Is there anywhere else you could stay? Your family or friends? If so, could they be assessed to support you and protect your baby?
Here is information about assessments .

Here are some useful websites and links where you might find more information about support where domestic violence is a risk.

If you have any questions, please post back or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,


Re: Domestic abuse and social services taking it too serious

Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 6:31 pm
by Rodxg8
Thank you so much for your quick reply!

So would I be allowed to live in the same town as him ?
And would I be allowed to live by myself in the same town or does someone else need to live in the house ?
And if your answer is that i am not allowed to live in the same town as him by myself then would I be able to live by myself in another town that it’s not as far as where I am now ?

Thank you

Re: Domestic abuse and social services taking it too serious

Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:35 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser

Thanks for posting back.

I am not able to answer your questions. But by the end of the assessment-in a few months time- the social worker should be able to.
So you and baby may be allowed back into the same town or one nearby, if the assessment finds dad is low risk of harming baby.
But at the moment (for the next few months at least) no one knows how dangerous he is until the assessments have been completed, so do not go back unless the social worker says it is safe.

The social worker is assessing:
• How dangerous is dad?
• Can you protect your baby from him?
Until she knows the answers to these questions, she has to assume dad is very dangerous-even if he is not.

I expect the assessment of dad will include not only a social worker assessment but also a psychiatric assessment because of his violent thoughts about your baby. Social worker assessments usually take up to 9 weeks from the referral. The other assessments-may take longer.
It sounds like the social worker wants you to stay in the refuge until these parts of the assessments have been completed. Why don’t you (or your domestic violence advocate), ask her how long it will be?
If you have somewhere else you can stay-suggest this to the social worker and she will assess this to see whether it is safe.
But for the time being, it is unlikely, at this stage, that she would allow you to take baby into the same area as dad (or another place nearby) because she does not yet know how dangerous he is.
Here are FAQ’s about domestic violence.

Here are tips about working with your social worker.

If you have any questions, please post back or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,


Re: Domestic abuse and social services taking it too serious

Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 10:04 am
by saraheve29
Stop worrying about him, just concentrate on your child. He previously abused you outherwise u wouldn't of done the freedom programme. If you loose your daughter because of hI'm then you will realise who is more important

Re: Domestic abuse and social services taking it too serious

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:05 pm
by Rodxg8
A lot has happened since..
I am now living with his mum and dad until he get himself sorted.
There has been a written agreement put in place saying that me my daughter and him can’t be by ourselves at all times.
I have broken the agreement by going to him with my daughter because he hasn’t got a phone and he had an appointment he had to attend with the social worker and he couldn’t be contacted in any way..he hasn’t got a phone.
I was only there for half an hour but the social worker said I have broken the agreement and she has to speak to her manager to see where we go from that.
Can anyone please help with information about what can happen next ?
Thanks you

Re: Domestic abuse and social services taking it too serious

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 5:40 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear Rodxg8

Thank you for your further post.

It appears that things have moved on to the extent that you are living with your partner’s parents’ home with your daughter.

You agreed to comply with the agreement signed with children’s services and by your own admission you have breached the agreement. What this means is that the social worker is likely to reach the conclusion that you cannot be trusted to keep your daughter safe.

The reasons you have given for breaching the agreement are unlikely to be accepted by the social worker. Firstly, if you are living with the grandparents why could your daughter not stay with them if you had to see him? Is the social not aware of the fact that he does not have a phone? If not, I think it would be his responsibility to let her know so that appointments can be sent to him in writing.

Alternatively, he could go to the office to check with the social worker when his appointment is scheduled.

It is unfortunately, having breached the agreement, you have opened up yourself to scrutiny about your ability to work with children’s services, your ability to protect and whether you put your needs before your daughter’s. What may happen next is the possibility of your daughter being placed on a child in need or child protection plan. Worst case scenario, if it is thought that your daughter is not safe in your care then a legal planning meeting to consider whether children’s services should apply to the court in care proceedings.

A copy of our advice sheet about child in need is here for your information. Also attached is the advice sheet relating to child protection procedures for you to read through.

Hopefully, you may be given another chance to show that you are going to adhere to the agreement as the assessments being carried may not be completed yet, I do not know if that is the case.

I suggest that you do your best not to breach anything further in the agreement.

Hopefully, this is helpful but should you wish to speak to an adviser, do telephone our free, confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes