Social services involvement

Casattack
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2016 7:09 pm

Social services involvement

Postby Casattack » Thu Jul 28, 2016 2:24 pm

Hello I am a 29 year old mother of 3 children .

I have known my partner a while and have been with him 4 months I was aware of his past as he had a volatile relationship with his ex and he was prosecuted of common assault on her 3 times and breaking a non molestation order numerous times ! im waiting to receive the information through Claire's law myself ! He told me it was for pushes shoving and a slap when they would get into fights ! He has no domestic violent insidents since this was all 5 years ago

I was shocked to hear of this and he reassured me that he is remorseful he knows he didn't handle the situation as he should of he has done a building better relationships programme with probation which he did very well in as I have seen a letter off his probation worker !

I do believe in second chances and he has never shown me any form of aggression !

If he did he would be out quicker than the trash !

His ex gf has phones cs on me as she has done with all his gf with children !

Social actually stopped me near my sons school as I walked him home infront of the mums and kids got out and were quite aggressively telling me that I need to get rid of him ! I asked them numerous times if we could go to my home and they finally agreed !

They basically told me to end it and made me call him infront of them immediately I was told quite aggressively dump him or we are taking your kids away !

I was shocked heartbroken and still am ! They wouldn't even let me be alone with him to say goodbye as he came to get a few items I had to have a male family member and the children had to leave the home ! There reason for this was that he was going to hurt me ! Well he didn't he was heartbroken and we just cried in each others arms we love each other so much !

I have since spoke with my support worker who was one of the people who visited I have told him I haven't and will not let him near the home nor my children and I want to see him in my spare time ! I love him and I want to give him a chance ! He said he would have to escalate things then ! This was a week ago and I haven't heard a thing since !

What will happen now ? I have kept him away From my home and children ! I miss him so much he was so amaiZing with us ! My cousin was present and when my support worker was here he asked her what she thought ! She told him she has never seen us so happy and secure and she knows I have been through so much ! I have a support worker by the way as I called and asked for help as my 5 year old sons behaviour was quite bad but he has turned it around ! I actually showed him his school report this day he was really pleased ! My eldest has managed to get out of a school for challenging kids and starts mainstream September ! Things at home have been better than ever !

I haven't been made to sign anything ! I showed him my partners probation letter and made it clear that my kids safety is paramount to me and they will come first but I would like to try and make it possible for us to be together as a family one day ! I told him my partener has agreed he will do anything to prove he isn't a risk ?in the mean time he will not be aloud near my kids His letter from his building better relationships programme actually said on it ! I have no doubt you will go on to have a loving family and be loved as a dad !

What do I do ! Is there a chance of us being able to prove we can make this work !

Or will I have to maintain a seperate relationship with him for good ????

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1687
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Social services involvement

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Aug 01, 2016 2:07 pm

Hello Casattack

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum and thank you for your post.

My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time with children services because of the partner’s history. The way that you have described children services handling of the referral they received about your relationship seem wholly inappropriate and unprofessional. There are guidelines that children services should follow when they receive a referral. Our advice sheet explains the process. If the social worker stopped you in the street in the way you described, then I think you would be within your rights to make a formal complaint about the unprofessional way this was done. Your can read our advice sheet about complaint for more details. Alternatively, you could ask for a meeting with the social worker’s team manager to discuss the concerns that you have, I suggest that you put this request in writing. Always keep a copy of any letter you send to children services.

It is not unusual for children services to be concerned if there is a history of domestic abuse but this can be dealt without the behaviour you describe. I suggest that you put in writing to children services your wish for them to carry out a proper risk assessment of your partner. Ask that they explain when this can start and how long it is likely to take. You appear to have taken appropriate action by making a request under Claire’s law about your partner and you should be given credit for taking steps to safeguard your children and yourself. Ask what children services expect you to do if you wish to remain in a relationship with your partner in addition to the risk assessment. You should send a copy of the letter to the social worker, the team manager and the head of children services.

Please read our advice sheet relating to child protection enquiries which children services could decide to carry out. You have not mentioned in your post whether an assessment of any kind has been done by children services prior to the social worker insisting that you separate from your partner. An advice sheet relating to family support is also here for your information. Did you already have children services involvement which led to you having a support worker?

You said in your post “I was told quite aggressively dump him or we are taking your kids away !’’ Just to explain that children services cannot remove your children without your consent or a court order. It is possible for the police to remove your children if is considered that they are immediate risk of harm. This removal would be for 72 hours and if you did not agree to them remaining in foster care then children services would have to make an application to the court for an emergency protection order or interim care order

You may wish to visit Family Rights Group website and our frequently asked questions here for more advice about domestic violence.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

I hope you will find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Casattack
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2016 7:09 pm

Re: Social services involvement

Postby Casattack » Mon Aug 01, 2016 3:42 pm

Thank you so much for your reply suzie

It was extremely helpful

Yes I have had cs involvement before for a number of reasons most I feel I was constantly picked on for being a teenage mother ! The school my eldest attended called first response on me numerous times I will list some below

-my son arrived to school with a damp sock where he had stepped in a puddle
-my son had a day off school
-my son got his sleeve damp washing
-we missed our alarm one morning and his taxi escort saw him in the window

The last time was two years ago when I split with there dad ! I am a smoker and I smoke outside for my children's safety ! My daughter crept up behind me as I was sat in the step and jumped on me and burned her arm on my cigarette ! The same night she was in the bath with me she went to pick a razor up off the shelf I took it off her and she went to snatch it back off me and just slightly caught the skin on her finger ! The next day I filled and accident form at her nursery and explained and first response were called !

It took me along time to get rid of them ! They caught on I was very down due to there dad leaving ! My kids behaviour was escalating there routine was totally out ! I worked with them and dos everything I could and eventually they closed the case !


My kids are doing better than ever now but a few months back my son was being really naughty at school so I called the support workers for some Extra sessions as they said before if u ever feel u need support give us a call! So I did !

Anyway something I forgot to mention was my partner ex girlfriend before me had a call to ss made ! She had a daughter from what I have gathered from her and my partner the situation was handled very differently and quicker too !

They made assessments etc immediately ! My partener was aloud contact with her daughter at his gf parents house ! Also he was aloud to stay at her home when the child was not there ! The relationship ended for other reasons but she told be cs told her after she ended it they were glad she did as they were going to put her daughter on the at risk list!???? What would this mean for me if it was to happen !

I want to find out if it would be possible for us to all spend days out in public places ? We had so many plans for the holidays now the children are just missing out ! I don't drive and he was gonna take us to some fun places ! I understand they want to safeguard the children from domestic violence but there hasn't been any! I would not tolerate verbal abuse infront of them let alone anything else ! I spent a short time in a relationship last year when my support worker asked why we broke up I was honest with him and told him once things got sour and arguments were beginning I ended it as I will not have that around my kids !

I have been Seeing him alone lately I spent the weekend with him whilst my kids were at there dads !

My eldest dad really likes my partener and we have his support he said he can see he would look after us !

In the meantime would it help if I did the freedom programme and state that in the letter you speak of ? My partener called respect but we have to pay ? I haven't heard from social services for 3 weeks now ?

I want to do all we can !

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1687
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Social services involvement

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:45 pm

Dear Casattack

Thank you for your further post and I am pleased that you found the earlier reply helpful.

Your post explains that you have had children services’ involvement on more than one occasion so, I assume that you have an understanding of the importance of working with children services to ensure that you have the best outcome for your family. The situation you are in now requires that you do the same.

I note what you say regarding what happened with your partner and the mother of his child. This situation whilst similar to yours is very different because he is the child’s father and as the biological father they have to consider that the child has a right to contact. If his partner at the time decided to stay in a relationship then there would have been safeguards put in place as suggested in your case.

As previously, advised you should write to children services and ask for a risk assessment to be done, what else will be required from you and confirm that you are willing to attend any courses including a Freedom programme.

Whilst it is entirely up to you whether to see your partner, you should consider how children services might look at this if they are not aware that you are continuing to see him. This could result in children services taking the view that you cannot be trusted, so think about it if you are seeing your partner without their knowledge having told them that you have separated.

If children services decided that your children are at risk of significant harm, then child protection enquiries would be carried out and this could lead to an initial child protection conference being convened. If the conference decided that the children should be on a child protection plan, then you would be expected to stick to the plan and do whatever is asked of you. Please read advice sheet 9 which has already been sent to you for more details.

There may be other domestic violence/abuse services local to your partner that he could contact to find help.

I hope this is helpful but do please telephone our advice line if you wish to speak to an adviser. The number for the advice line is 0808 801 0366 and the line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m to 3.00 p.m.

Best wishes

Suzie

Casattack
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2016 7:09 pm

Re: Social services involvement

Postby Casattack » Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:55 pm

Thanks for your reply again it was very helpful !

The ex girlfriend I was talking about wasn't his children's mother it was actually he's last girlfriend who's also had a cs referral made by his children's mother !

That's why I'm so confused !

I will be honest and open with them like I say they have still not been out so I will be writing to them as you suggested !


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