Domestic abuse, can I resume my relationship?

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Joined: Thu Feb 08, 2018 3:16 pm

Domestic abuse, can I resume my relationship?

Post by MS123 » Mon Feb 19, 2018 5:43 pm

In the last month social services have made me leave my partner due to an assault towards me. I have a 6 week old baby and at PLO due to my ex partners previous relationship and growing up in the care system himself. I have had to sign an agreement to say I won't have any contact with him. I havent had any contact but I am finding it hard where we was together for years and now we have a child together. What would happen if I was to have contact or resume our relationship if it was to be taken to court? I would never do anything to risk having my child taken away from me I just want to know where I stand?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Domestic abuse, can I resume my relationship?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Feb 26, 2018 12:34 pm

Dear MS123

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry to see that you are finding the situation you are in difficult as you have children’s services (new name for social services) involved with your family.

In your post you say that children’s services have made you leave your partner after he assaulted you. He is the father of your six-week old baby and you have been involved in PLO due to your parent’s previous relationship. You have signed an agreement not to have contact with your partner but this is hard for you.

The concern that children’s services has is the domestic violence in your relationship and the impact this will have on your baby’s emotional well-being. Not only that, but your baby could become involved and get hurt in a domestic violence situation, for example if you are your baby at the time. Also, if you are affected by domestic violence it will have an impact on you and as a result the baby as well. It is also important that you understand that a child does not have to witness domestic violence to be affected by it.

The fact that your partner assaulted you either shortly before or after you gave birth to your baby is worrying. I assume he has a history of domestic violence which is of concern to children’s services.

Please read here information on our website for mothers about domestic violence and children’s services involvement.

You have signed an agreement and I strongly advise you not to breach this agreement by seeing your partner. If you do, the likelihood is that you run the risk of children’s services deciding that you are not protecting your child, putting your needs before his or hers and that you cannot be trusted.

Children’s services could apply for a care order to remove your child from your care.

I think it is important for you to get some advice from a domestic violence service like Women’s Aid on 0808 200 0247 who will be able to give you advice and assist you in relation to domestic violence. Your partner, should also engage with a service for perpetrators of domestic violence.

What you should be doing if you wish to be with your partner who appear to have a history is to ensure that you do what children’s services is asking and to show that you understand the possible risk to your child. You could discuss the possibility of your partner being risk assessed by children’s services but you should not take on the responsibility for this. If you do it might seem that you are minimising what he has done to you. Your partner should take steps to engage with children’s services himself regarding contact and what he is prepared to do to be safe for you and your child.

You should have had a solicitor to advise you at the PLO stage and I suggest you discuss matters with your solicitor so you do not put yourself in a position where children’s services decide you cannot protect your child.

I suggest you read our advice sheet relating to care proceedings which explains what happens if children’s services make an application to the court.

You may wish to speak to an adviser on our advice line and you can do so by telephoning 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes


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