Page 1 of 1

Social services stopping contact with my wife

Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 3:36 pm
by ScotStepdad

I'm really at a loss as to what to do now, to give a bit of backstory. About 18 months ago i was convicted of having 3 indecent images. These were saved to a computer that hadn't been used by myself in over 5 years and experts had shown that they had never been accessed. sadly as it was me that had purchased the computer and i was the owner, i was found guilty. I was given a 3 year community payback order as a result. As much as I was not aware of these, that's not what i'm here to dispute. I've already tried everything i possibly could in regards to that. Instead i was just advised to keep my head down and get through it, then move on.

The advice i'm looking for is in regards to having contact with my wife. Whilst everything was under investigation we were allowed contact for the first 6 months, without issue. She has children from a previous relationship, i have not had any contact with them since the day i was arrested. After the initial 6 months my wife was told she could not have any contact with me until the investigation was complete and i was either cleared or charged. We did what we had to, to protect the children as neither of us wanted to risk losing them.

After i was convicted and sentenced my wife was advised she could not have any contact with me or she would have the children taken off of her, until my apparent level of risk was determined by the police. I was subsequently classed as low risk and as such my offender manager is only required to see me once a year, but again social services told my wife that she could still not have any contact with me and again being threatened with removal of the children. It was not long after this that i was informed by both my own social worker and my offender manager that they have no concerns with me having contact with my wife. I sent her a letter informing her of this, which she showed to her worker from social services who again told her she could not have any contact with me.

Since then we have had contact in secret, however it is obviously taking a massive toll on our relationship having to keep it secret and always having the fear that we may be found out. I have never once asked to have contact with the children as i am fully aware that as their stepfather only, i have no rights whatsoever to see them. I'm just hoping for some advice, if there is anything myself and my wife can do to have contact without the fear of reprimand. I have not once had any contact from social services themselves.

I've been driven into massive amounts of debt from having to support 2 households and i can feel myself at absolute breaking point. i would appreciate any advice that anyone can give me.

Re: Social services stopping contact with my wife

Posted: Wed Aug 14, 2019 5:21 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear ScotStepdad

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board.

I think that it is important that your wife or yourself let Children’s Services know that you have or want to resume your marital relationship and ask them to carry out a risk assessment. As you are aware conducting your relationship in secret may put your wife’s children at risk of being removed from her care and this will put further strain on your marriage and lifestyle.

It may be useful for your wife and yourself to write a list of ways that contact between you and her children can be ‘safe’, for example contact being supervised by a family member (other than your wife) or always being in a public place. It may also be advisable to ask the social workers to ‘spell out’ what their concerns might be about contact between you and your step children. If you find it difficult to persuade Children’s Services to undertake a risk assessment I suggest you and or your wife make a complaint to the local authority, our advice sheet Challenging decisions and making complaints may help with this.

Best wishes


Re: Social services stopping contact with my wife

Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 2:41 pm
by ScotStepdad
Hi Suzie,

Thank you for your reply. We did inform social services that our plan was to resume our relationship, however my wife was bluntly told no and that if they find that we do resume our relationship they will remove the children from her care. It has been very frustrating for us both, trying to do everything the right way and still being told no by them.

I will speak to my wife and see about us putting in a complaint. Thank you again for your advice.