Child Arrangement Order advice and guidance please

[R***S]

Hi I am single mom of two children for the last 7 years, father had contact one night per week and always refused any more contact. He has never been consistent with contact cancelling at the last minute and I have always tried to shield them from this so they had a good relationship with their dad.

He took them on holiday last years and left our little boy aged 6 on a park on his own, I later found out he as also been allowing him sleep overs at a friends house where illicit drugs are used. Stopped contact on the advice of children's services (I have a residence order).

In court judge instructed a Guardian to assess, refused a section 37 on the grounds it would harm the children. Guardian's report has no evidence to substantiate her findings, when asked for the evidence she said she made her findings based on her feelings and the fact she is the expert. She has lied when telling the court she undertook work which I know is untrue other wise she would have presented the evidence.The relationship was physically and emotionally abusive, police reports to evidence this, yet the Guardian said I was lying.

She concluded that my children are at risk of being emotionally manipulated and should live with their father, and recommend I have contact two/three nights per week and we share the schools holidays. Father works full time and very long hours, his partner has made it quite clear she does not want the responsibility for my children yet the judge agreed they can use third party carers. When I have always been there for my children and done the school runs, medical appointments and everything a parent does to care for their children.

When asked how she could recommend 50/50 for school holidays when her feelings tell her the children are at risk of emotional harm, she said school holidays are less stressful.

When asked for her assessment of dad she said she had asked all the relevant questions, was happy with his answers and does not have to justify this in her report. She met with dad and myself for 1 hour, based on that she apparently has a full parenting assessment.

She raised my request to take my children to see father Christmas as an example of a parent wanting too much and not putting the children's needs first, said dad would be able to promote positive contact, yet refused to let me have the children on mothers day, refused to let them talk to me by phone.

I requested mediation, the Guardian said I was too needy and should sort this out with father, who by the way refuses to communicate with me. The children have said they want to share their mommy and daddy, one week with dad and one week with mom. Education reports show the children do not display any types of behavior that can be associated with emotional harm, yet the Guardian has a feeling they just might if left with me on full time basis. I am happy for shared care but the current arrangements gives me 7 nights every 21 days.

I am at my wits end because I have to say goodbye to my children tomorrow, who I have seen everyday of their lives to someone who only had them 1 day per week, told I cannot appeal the CAO otherwise judge will stop my contact arrangement. I would be grateful for any help, advice and guidance on the best way to handle this and should I appeal.

Thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear R***s

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for posting. I am very sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing. I am also sorry that we have not been able to respond to you before now due the forum being very busy at the moment.

Unfortunately, your query relates to a private law matter – a dispute between yourself and your children’s father – and as such is outside of Family Rights Group’s remit as we advise families who have children’s services’ involvement and your post does not relate to that.

If you do not have a solicitor you could contact Child Law Advice or Rights of Women for some advice on the situation. Rights of Women also have specialist knowledge of domestic violence which you have experienced.

CAFCASS have a complaints policy should you need it – here is a CAFCASS link.

Once again, sorry to hear about the distress you are experiencing and I hope that you can access advice from your solicitor or one of the above agencies.

With best wishes

Suzie