Please help advise much needed

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Scaredofsocial2
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 9:24 pm

Please help advise much needed

Post by Scaredofsocial2 » Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:55 am

Hello ladies,

This is somewhat long winded so please bear with me and thank you in advance for reading through my post.

First and foremost I appreciate it is easier said than done when it comes to judging I'm not looking for negative comments just advise please.

In September of 2018 I have birth to my amazing little boy, 5 weeks early he spent time in neonatal and SCBU and came home a week later, prior to my sons birth SS got involved due to historic DV between mine and my son's father we had been together for 10 years an although there was never and physical violence there was emotional abuse, at the time I was not aware that it was deemed emotional abuse, we had arguments, not daily or weekly nor monthly but every other month or so we would have a blazing row, this didn't happen or was not as frequent until 6 years into the relationship I put this down to the death of his mother and him being unable to control his emotions, within these arguments he would be very vocal and abusive however at the time I believed this to be us having a not so great relationship I never thought u was suffering DV however police had been called by both myself and neighbours at times when the argument got too much, he would threaten to smash my house up and on occasion broke my belongings so the short of it social had reason to believe there involvement was necessary.

After the birthing my son he was put on a child in need plan and it was agreed that his father who I was no longer in a relationship with could see our son unsupervised but needed to engage with services to minimise this risk he posed to both me and my son the risk was for future emotional abuse.

My son saw his dad on 4 occasions forroling his birth and each time was great there was no issues and he was smitten with our son, we had an amicable relationship and things had been going well then one night, the last night he stayed over I woke to feed my son and during the winding stage I noticed my son had blood to one nostril we rushed him to hospital fearing the worst as our baby was 5 weeks prem and only 6 weeks old, at the hospital my son's temperature spiked to 38°and it was suggested he may have meningitis or a brain infection, we stayed in hospital for 7 days on the 2nd the results came back clear and my son was deemed medically fit for discharge however because of social services involvement they did not let us leave as they suggested my son could have been hurt by his father, a section 47 was held and social services sought legal advice it was agreed that I would sign a written agreement to stop all contact with his dad, I was confused as to why as I new no harm had come to him (this was later proved) and his dad had been allowed contact prior to his admittance into hospital.

I signed the agreement as I was scared if I didn't I would lose my son, I was and still am prepared to never have contact with his dad if it means my son staying in my care, ultimately my son means more to me than anyone in this world and I will do all in my power to keep him with me.

Fast forward 9 days his father was remanded in prison for an assault I asked SS if I could take my son to see his father in a controlled environment and they said I was not prohibited from doing so but that I agreed I would not and so I didn't, however because I asked if I could it was suggested I don't know how to safeguard my son and the went ahead with court proceedings.

The asked for an interim care order and then 1 day before court they changed the threshold criteria and instead asked the court of a supervision order.

My barrister said in all his 25 years experience had never seen such a shambles of a case and was disgusted at how I had been treated, the judge didn't not grant them the order as there was not sufficient grounds to do so.

CAFCAS also agreeded that social services had not thought through what they was asking and disagreed with the order and said I had huge potential.

Following this social services asked the judge for me to have a psychological assessment to see if i am capable of safeguarding my son.

I know I can, i know what to do and not to do to ensure my son's safety but thinks now for a psychological assessor to determine.

I am now in need of some advice and support in what this my entail and if anyone has been in a similar situation how it turned out for them my son is now 4 months old and is thriving, SS have said I am an attuned and attentive mother and have no doubts on my parenting capacity.

I am so scared I will lose my son for no fault of my own, he is and will continue to be my absolute world, I always thought I was infertile so to have this little boy in my life is a blessing I am forever greatful for I can't bear to lose such a precious gift

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2652
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Please help advise much needed

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Feb 06, 2019 5:59 pm

Dear Scaredofsocial2

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ discussion board.

I am sorry that you have not received a response to your post before now due to workload.

Hope your son is continuing to do well now.

From your post children’s services (the new name for social services) became involved with you because of historical domestic violence in your relationship with your son’s father. Children’s services made the decision to apply to the court for an interim care order. The court rejected their application; the children’s guardian supported your position and this led to your son remaining in your care. This was clearly a good result for you and your son.

It is really good that you now have a better understanding of domestic abuse and now know that there are different ways in which a person can be a victim. This will, I think, is good for you in how you will be able to manage your relationships.

Your main concern now is relate to the request that children’s services has made that you have a psychological assessment with regard to your ability to safeguard your son. You will already have discussed this with your legal team and from what you have said in your post I do not think you have anything to be scared about. The psychologist will be sent a letter of instruction and your solicitor will be able to contribute to what the psychologist is asked to report on.

The concern for children’s services appear to be the fact that you wanted to take your son to visit his father in prison. It could be that they saw this as you wishing to continue your relationship with him. The fact that you asked before taking your son seems to me to show that you were trying to work with children’s services to ensure that you were doing the right thing. You took on board the view that although they could not stop you it was not something they considered appropriate. This in itself should not mean that you are unable to protect your son and you have made it clear that he is your priority.

I have set out below the information relating to psychological assessment from our A-Z of terms:

“A psychologist is a professional with expert knowledge of the human mind, feelings and behaviour.
Sometimes, when you and your child are involved with Children’s Services, you may be asked to have a psychological assessment. This may be recommended as part of a child protection plan or it may be ordered in court proceedings.
You should always be asked if you agree to an assessment. But, it is important to be aware that if it has been ordered by a court, you will normally be expected to cooperate with the assessment and if you don’t, the court will want to know why. This is something you can discuss with your solicitor if you have one.
When the psychologist sees you, they may ask you about things like:
• how you are now and what has happened to you in the past, including when you were a child;
• whether you are able to change things that affect the way you care for your child;
• whether, with the right support or treatment, you could look after your child better; and
• whether you would be able to make changes to the way you care for your child within a timescale which is suitable for your child’s development".


After the psychologist has seen you, they will normally prepare a report about you for the child protection conference or the court. You should be able to see the report and be given time to think about (and respond to) any recommendations the psychologist makes in the report.

I think you may also find it helpful to read our advice sheetCare (and related) proceedings which will give you more information about the court process.

You will, I think be able to demonstrate to the psychologist that your son is your priority and, depending on the questions which have been ask to respond appropriately. The psychologist is a professional who will form an opinion based on their assessment of you.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Scaredofsocial2
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 9:24 pm

Re: Please help advise much needed

Post by Scaredofsocial2 » Sat Mar 30, 2019 11:29 am

Hello, thank you for your reply.

I have since seen the psychologist and had my assessment back he noted within the assessment that I have a good insight into the impact of DV to children but less of an awareness of the impacts on myself.

He also noted I would be able to prioritise my son but that it is yet to be tested.

As well he said he believes I am no longer in a relationship and does not doubt me when I say I wish to remain seperater but think I am vunerable to my ex oartner trying to reconcile a relationship.

He noted that I have limited capability to protect !
This being my main concern.

He went on to say his recommendation would be for me to continue to work with solace and for SS to liaise with them about my engagement and any work that I would need to do to address concerns.

I have complied with all meetings and done everything that has been asked of me I have found bushes 2 programmes regarding DV via solace:

With th above in mind and the concerns raised and the recommendations put forward are you able to tell me if it is likely that an SGO will be granted.?

It has come to light my sons dad will be in prison for at least a year possibly 2.

Thank you.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2652
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Please help advise much needed

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Apr 08, 2019 4:20 pm

Dear Scaredofsocial2

Thank you for your updating post.

It is good to see that there were positives in the report from the psychologist and that there are recommendations for you to work with domestic services.

You are engaging with the domestic violence services and want to know whether based on the psychological report and its recommendations whether the court is likely to grant a special guardianship order (SGO). Unfortunately, this is not a question that I could answer one way or the other. The court will consider all the evidence in the case including the positive things that the psychologist has said about you. The other parties in the case, the local authority and the guardian will be asked by the court to give their views on the long term placement.

I think it is really important that you continue to work with your solicitor who is the best person to advise you since he or she has all the evidence relating to your case and can be specific rather than general in the advice given.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from m9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes

Suzie

Scaredofsocial2
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 9:24 pm

Re: Please help advise much needed

Post by Scaredofsocial2 » Tue May 21, 2019 3:54 pm

Hello suzie,

I am hoping for some advice regarding me and sons father.

At the moment we are still in court proceedings we had an IRH and the next hearing is within the next few weeks, from my understanding it is likely that a supervision order is going to be granted due to the fact that although there is no current risk because his dad is in prison the risk will increase once he is released.

Social services at present are taking my son to see his father in prison however this is not going well due to my son now becoming more aware of his surroundings he is getting very anxious when he is taken into the visit and only manages 10 or 15 minutes and is then taken back out to be, my concern with this is that because I am not there he is scared and the visits are being cut short so in turn this is not allowing for a relationship to be built up with him and his father, I agreed to social taking him on the visits as they had concerns that I may be "Pulled" back into the relationship.

I have full PR so although they have advised this is what they want surely I can argue that it is not in my sons best interest to be going in alone with SS and not having me there as a comfort and able to reassure him.

SS keep asking me what contact would look like if they was no longer involved and I have advised I feel well equipped to do the supervising and would not hesitate to call the police if I felt it was at all needed, but i am yet to understand their views on this, they have also suggested my family managing contact, which can happen but I do not feel it is sufficient to have my family essentially doing my job for me and I wouldn't want this to be something my family have to do long term, are you aware if this is something they can impliment until my son is of an age where he can travel to need his father independently?

In terms of our relationship, it is currently over and I will not rekindle the relationship if it means my son is going to be taken away from me..
However if his father was to complete all that is asked such as anger management, DVIP and drugs testing and is able to change his behaviour would it ever be possible to get back together, I very much love him still and know that although he is currently deemed a risk that he will do all that is asked of him to be able to see his son.

Is it just a matter of social services do not want us together and that is the way it will always have to be or is there every going to be a chance for us to be a family again ? I'm too scared to ask them in case they say this is my intent and continue involvement in our lives .

Once the case is closed am I entitled to do as I please in terms of a relationship with his father or is this just complete off the cards.

I know through friends that his dad still very much loves me and wants for us to be a family and is prepared to undergo anything that is asked to prove he is willing to change not only for me but his son and us as a family.

Any advise will be much appreciated.

Thank you

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2652
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Please help advise much needed

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:51 pm

Dear Scaredofsocial2

Thank you for your post. I have replied to your duplicate post today.

With best wishes

Suzie

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