Social services & psychological assesment

[Scaredofsocial2]

Hello ladies,

This is somewhat long winded so please bear with me and thank you in advance for reading through my post.

First and foremost I appreciate it is easier said than done when it comes to judging I'm not looking for negative comments just advise please.

In September of 2018 I have birth to my amazing little boy, 5 weeks early he spent time in neonatal and SCBU and came home a week later, prior to my sons birth SS got involved due to historic DV between mine and my son's father we had been together for 10 years an although there was never and physical violence there was emotional abuse, at the time I was not aware that it was deemed emotional abuse, we had arguments, not daily or weekly nor monthly but every other month or so we would have a blazing row, this didn't happen or was not as frequent until 6 years into the relationship I put this down to the death of his mother and him being unable to control his emotions, within these arguments he would be very vocal and abusive however at the time I believed this to be us having a not so great relationship I never thought u was suffering DV however police had been called by both myself and neighbours at times when the argument got too much, he would threaten to smash my house up and on occasion broke my belongings so the short of it social had reason to believe there involvement was necessary.

After the birthing my son he was put on a child in need plan and it was agreed that his father who I was no longer in a relationship with could see our son unsupervised but needed to engage with services to minimise this risk he posed to both me and my son the risk was for future emotional abuse.

My son saw his dad on 4 occasions forroling his birth and each time was great there was no issues and he was smitten with our son, we had an amicable relationship and things had been going well then one night, the last night he stayed over I woke to feed my son and during the winding stage I noticed my son had blood to one nostril we rushed him to hospital fearing the worst as our baby was 5 weeks prem and only 6 weeks old, at the hospital my son's temperature spiked to 38°and it was suggested he may have meningitis or a brain infection, we stayed in hospital for 7 days on the 2nd the results came back clear and my son was deemed medically fit for discharge however because of social services involvement they did not let us leave as they suggested my son could have been hurt by his father, a section 47 was held and social services sought legal advice it was agreed that I would sign a written agreement to stop all contact with his dad, I was confused as to why as I new no harm had come to him (this was later proved) and his dad had been allowed contact prior to his admittance into hospital.

I signed the agreement as I was scared if I didn't I would lose my son, I was and still am prepared to never have contact with his dad if it means my son staying in my care, ultimately my son means more to me than anyone in this world and I will do all in my power to keep him with me.

Fast forward 9 days his father was remanded in prison for an assault I asked SS if I could take my son to see his father in a controlled environment and they said I was not prohibited from doing so but that I agreed I would not and so I didn't, however because I asked if I could it was suggested I don't know how to safeguard my son and the went ahead with court proceedings.

The asked for an interim care order and then 1 day before court they changed the threshold criteria and instead asked the court of a supervision order.

My barrister said in all his 25 years experience had never seen such a shambles of a case and was disgusted at how I had been treated, the judge didn't not grant them the order as there was not sufficient grounds to do so.

CAFCAS also agreeded that social services had not thought through what they was asking and disagreed with the order and said I had huge potential.

Following this social services asked the judge for me to have a psychological assessment to see if i am capable of safeguarding my son.

I know I can, i know what to do and not to do to ensure my son's safety but thinks now for a psychological assessor to determine.

I am now in need of some advice and support in what this my entail and if anyone has been in a similar situation how it turned out for them my son is now 4 months old and is thriving, SS have said I am an attuned and attentive mother and have no doubts on my parenting capacity.

I am so scared I will lose my son for no fault of my own, he is and will continue to be my absolute world, I always thought I was infertile so to have this little boy in my life is a blessing I am forever greatful for I can't bear to lose such a precious gift

[QuestionMark]

Hello,

Bless you, you've had a tough start but thankfully your baby is still with you and unharmed. I am shocked that CS took your asking an innocent question and blew it out of proportion. CS expect us to work with them openly and honestly and you did just that, it's astonishing to me that you asked something so simple and showed that you still understand the bond between your son and his dad is important and they found a way to twist it. Thankfully your barrister, cafcass and the judge saw threw this. Is the assessment going to be independent from the LA? If not I'd make sure you ask for this - I don't know from personal experience but I have heard negative stories about LA appointed psychologists. I'd get an independent psychologist. I'm asking my solicitor if I should have one due to my situation - I also need to prove I can keep my son from harm. Other than that I don't think you have anything to worry about. xx

[Scaredofsocial2]

Thank you for your reply, I agree regarding us being expected to work openly and honestly with CS and by doing so I have been penalised, the judge ordered that CS are open and honest with me which should be a given and not part of a court order, regarding the psychologist assesment I am unsure if it is a psychologist that works with the L.A. although I am aware that the L.A. have found an psychologist to do my assesment this is out of borough so I'm not sure if that means much, it's such a daunting process me and his father had arguments not daily nor weekly not even monthly but every other month at the very least, he has never slapped nor kicked, punched strangled or used objects to hurt me nor have I been told where I can and can not go, nor did I get told what I could and could not wear or have my finances controlled but because I said at times during arguments I refrained from arguing back it has been deemed that I was in an extremely controlling and emotionally abusive relationship with physical violence, they went as far as telling my mother I was a victim if ABH from him which was actually an argument that a neighbour called the police over and the police logged this as a non-crime domestic, I have never seen so many innacuracies in so many reports it's quite scary to think, fortunately I am able to articulate myself well but I feel for the families that are less able to do so.
I have heard horror stories that the psychologist can determine a woman has borderline personality disorder and children get removed on this basis which scares the life out of me, I don't believe I have this but if ones opinion decides I do despite numerous reports saying I am a great mother with no concerns over my parenting that one report could jeopardise my son's whole future with me.
It's also ridiculous that CS have made me feel 100x more than my ex ever did they have exerted a power and control over me, I feel intimidate by them and feel I have to change my behaviour to accommodate their opinions I won't leave my son for more than 5 minutes in fear I will be deemed to be neglecting him, I feel so robbed of the 1st few months of my son's life, a baby I never thought i could have these months should have been some of the best and they are a mix of both that and dread. X

[QuestionMark]

I completely emphasis with you - I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. An example is one time he slapped me and then called me "pathetic". That's one example. But because I defended myself once the term "mutual abuse" has been thrown around - however there's never been a finding about this but it is so scary. If you had argued back they may have said the same. I also understand the fear social services inflict - I have shared that feeling of being more intimidated, feeling more threatened and more damaged by CS and the LA. I'm glad the judge put a court order in place for them but it is so scary that that had to happen in the first place! Hopefully it'll mean the other professionals involved will remember to be skeptical of whatever the LA say/do. xx

[Scaredofsocial2]

Hey just wanted to touch base to see if you had ever tried to get back with your ex partner and if you did what the outcome if that was ?