Domestic violence and social services

[Worriedmummy94]

Hi everyone,
Just looking for a bit of advice please. Hoping not to be judged.
Basically my partner went out in January and got stinking drunk. He also suffered with mental health issues (bipolar) he doesn’t usually drink so this was a one of. Anyway he came home absolutely rotten and kicked of, he was shouting and he smashed up his laptop and broke the bathroom door, I had led him to leave because our 4 month old baby was bed but he wouldn’t. I then rang the police to remove him from the property. I was really upset at the time and didn’t know what else to do, anyway they took him and ended up arresting him for domestic violence and criminal damage. I told them I didn’t want them to use my statement in court and I wanted it all dropping but they wouldn’t he’s now been in prison since the start of February and is awaiting court next month to find out when he can get out. But because of this social services have became involved and have stopped me from having contact with him and he is not allowed any pictures of the baby or any contact what’s so ever, the social worker has also said he will have to go to court to see the baby once he is released. I don’t want this, I want us to be able to move on with our lives however not living together (he will be moving in with his nan) but I want him to be a dad. I am now terrified what will happen if I tell the social worker I do t agree with her will she take my children away because I want us to be a family, baring in mind she hasn’t even been out to my house to meet my kids at all only contact has been over the phone. This is breaking my heart and causing more problems. I only wanted them to remove him from the house now it’s broken up our family. What can I do

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Worriedmummy94

Welcome to the Board and thank you for your post.

I understand your worry about the suggestions that the social worker has put to you and would like to help you to understand why she has proposed that course of action for your family.

Your partner’s actions, which you have said were out of character and induced by the use of alcohol, were nevertheless harmful and put you and your children ‘at risk’, this would worry any professional: you were worried and called the police. Seeking help from the police safeguarded your children (and yourself) from the ‘harm’ your partner was causing and was the right thing to do.

Domestic abuse in all contexts impacts children and in most circumstances when there has been a report of an incident the police inform the local Children’s Services Department by making a referral, and a social worker follows up the referral.

In terms of what you can do, I suggest you contact Women’s Aid to speak with a domestic violence advocate, who will support and advise you. I think that it is likely that when the date of release of your partner is confirmed a social worker may arrange to visit you, in person, and begin an assessment: you can find out more about assessments here, do start reading from page 29. During the assessment you can mention all that you are doing or have done to keep your children ‘safe’ and if you engage with a domestic violence advocate you will have ‘evidence’ to back yourself up.

In relation to contact, the social worker was correct when she said that your partner can apply to see his child by going to court. Our advice sheet DIY Child Arrangements Orders: information for family and friends carers gives information about the type of order your partner could apply for in order to have contact with his child.

In relation to reuniting and living as a family – that is possible and should not be ruled out. However for now, it may be useful for you to seek the help I have suggested and try to understand how domestic violence can impact a child’s life, no one should judge you for asking questions and seeking help. We have a section on our website which answers questions about your situation. Should you wish to speak with us, do call on our confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366, our helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9.30am to 3.00pm.

I hope this information is useful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Worriedmummy94]

Hi Suzie,

Thankyou for your reply I will look into the links you have suggested the social worker is coming out tomorrow and I’m just scared. I’ve done the right thing by my Children by ringing the police in the first place to try and resolve the situation but I can’t help but feel it has made our lives harder in the long run. I would never stay in an abusive relationship I grew up in a very violent household and my parents were constantly attaching eachother both physically and emotionally, that is the last thing I want for my babies. But I do want us to be able to be a family and be happy, I’m scared if I tell the social worker that they will take my children. Once my partner is released he would not be retiring to our home he would be moving in with his nan, but I don’t think even if I explain that to social services they will care. It’s just so stressful and having a serious negative impact on my already severe anxiety.

Thankyou and I’m sorry if I’m going on a bit, I just have no one at all I can talk to about this.

Worriedmummy94

[Mumof2boya]

Hi I’m now in a very similar situation. I’m just wondering do you have an update now, has your partner been allowed to move back in? Regards

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi I’m now in a very similar situation. I’m just wondering do you have an update now, has your partner been allowed to move back in? Regards

Dear Mumof2boya

Suzie here, just wanting to signpost you to links, some of which we sent to Worriedmummy94, and a DV matrix from Barnardo’s too.

Information about domestic abuse from Women’s Aid and from our website and information about child protection.

If you would like to speak to an adviser in confidence our service is open Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays) 9.30am-3.00pm on 0808 801 0366. See our website for other ways to get advice.

Best wishes
Suzie