My husband downloaded indecent images

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 163
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Tue Jan 15, 2019 5:17 pm

This is an utter, unequivocal, psychology description of being a victim of a witch hunt, relevant to all types of witch hunt down the ages. You could hardly see a more comprehensive description of the effects on a person, and the mechanics of how the hunt is carried out. Nobody is saying an offender has done no wrong (least of all ScaredtoBear), but the reaction and consequences are DISPROPORTIONATE. Furthermore, as always, we see what a key devastating role the social services play in it, second only to the media in their violence, ignorance and hypocrisy. Rarely are they protecting anyone by their actions; but they're harming many, and perpetuating a cycle of damage. They're a disgrace.
ScaredToBear wrote:
Wed Aug 08, 2018 2:25 am
Most sex offenders are mentally crippled and will never look at a indecent image again. For most, it is a mental illness. Looking at the images, they know it's wrong and hate themselves for it but are too weak to fight it. On the internet, they can be monsters, but in real life they'll never look at a child in a sexual way. I'm due to be charged on Friday for indecent images from 2014. You'll probably think I'm a monster, but I'm actually a good person. Words will never describe how sorry I am and how disgusted I am. I've lost half my family, my son, girlfriend and dog. I've never felt so alone in my entire life. My mental state has exploded. I'm constantly crying, constantly really anxious and living in complete fear with sleepless nights. Few weeks ago my home had so much life in it and now I have nothing but baby things, ex's things and memory triggers everywhere. My ex didn't take any belongings because social services just put her on a train far away from me to live with her dad. I was a great dad, went to every single pregnancy appointment, watched him come into the world and even cut his cord. 6 months ago I went through the most amazing thing ever (birth), and now I'm branded a outcost. I live with my mum and she is the only 1 I have left. I see my self as the product of my past. I was locked in a room with a pedo at 5 and molested by my brother when I was a teen. So yeah I'm mentally broken. Before my internet offending, I asked for mental help a lot. I was on the waiting list for 3 years. I'm in contact with stopitnow and have a mental counsellor. I don't use social networks and I don't look at porn. I quit drinking because all my mess was caused by drinking. Recently I hit rock bottom though because I am struggling. Today I stopped my self getting beer and will not be touching it again. My mum is emotionally drained from all this and it breaks my heart knowing she's watching her son basically kill him self. I won't be killing my self but I do always wonder what I'm fighting for? I have NOTHING to gain. All I have is my police interview where I have to tell them I was a monster. Oh and my trial for other offenses. I fear prison more than anything and wouldn't cope a single day. I suffer with server social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder. I struggle to use the bathroom just when family are here.. Imagine me in prison? I wouldn't cope. I am sorry for my actions and I have well and truly been punished. My heart is in pieces knowing I'll never see my son again because why should my ex and him put up with his? I did this. I waited 10 years to have my own baby and lose it within 7 months. I made this post because I don't want people to think we are all bad people. If anything, I'm a pathetic stupid idiot. I've always been protective over kids, supported others and drained my own happiness for others. I bring my self last in life and I love supporting people and seeing others smile. I have been using a mental health forum to support people that are struggling too. If you feel your loved one is a good person, you should at least hear him out. Chances are, he's gone from a man to a complete crying machine and shares a bed with a teddy. He most probably would of seeked help for his addiction if the country didn't witch hunt us the second they find out. Also, public humiliation by the courts I think is unacceptable and disgusting. Not because of the offender, but the families that didn't do anything wrong. The justice system is broken. The newspapers are bigger criminals than the offenders due to the unfairness they bring to the innocent families. That is all and thanks for reading if you bothered to.

AANCM
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:09 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by AANCM » Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:20 pm

Hi again all. Just an update on my current situation.

My ex partner was arrested a 15months ago (found images on a hard drive) when they first come out to visit me 15months ago I told them I ended the relationship. They contacted my child’s dad and told him if he was to hear we were back in contact then he was to inform them. We got back In touch last summer and become more friendly. He came to my house (sticking to his bail conditions) however, October last year my child’s father rang ss and my kids were removed from my care. It was 3 months of absolute hell (child stayed at my parents house) they were put on child protection and I worked alongside them with a project helping me to identify risks and making me aware of the grooming process etc. (Because the Sw didn’t think I was able to protect my child from such abuse) my child had recently returned to my care and is off the child protection plan. I’m getting signed off within the next week. I had to sign and agreement saying that I would not have any contact with my ex, my child isn’t to have indirect or direct contact with him etc.

My question is. No charges have been brought yet (had update at conference) but if all charges were dropped would i be able to at least be his friend after all of this? (We were best friends for around 12 years before we got to together)

Any update on all your current situations?

I just feel so lost and lonely still. I’m am too afraid to ask my social worker about future plans, wants and thoughts because I fear they will take my child again. (Next time would be court)

AANCM
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:09 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by AANCM » Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:24 pm

I would love to speak to someone privately that has been in the same position as me privately xx

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2748
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Apr 01, 2019 1:27 pm

Dear AANCM

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your posts. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your child have experienced.

First of all, congratulations on having your child back home with you again. Well done also for working to reduce the risk to your child – which you have done to the extent that they are no longer considered to be at risk of significant harm and so their child protection plan has ended. It sounds as though your child coming home and the child protection plan ending were both possible because:

• You worked closely with children’s services
• You completed a programme which helped you to understand more about the risk of child sexual abuse and grooming and how to keep your child safe, and
• You have recently signed an agreement confirming that you won’t be in touch with your ex-partner who is being investigated by the police in relation to child sexual images
• You also agreed that you will not allow your child to have direct or indirect contact with your ex-partner.

This whole process must have been very challenging for you; maybe also emotionally quite draining and isolating. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling lost and lonely. Have you any support for yourself? You did really well to overcome the concerns that you were not able to protect your child. You are now able to safely parent your child again and it seems as if children’s services’ involvement is about to come to an end.

It sounds as if children’s services have indicated to you that they would begin court proceedings if the same concerns arose again. Perhaps your child’s father would also go to court if he was concerned for your child’s welfare again too? In either situation you would have to demonstrate that you can keep your child safe from harm.

You are wondering if it would be possible for you and your ex-partner to be friends (as you used to be prior to being in a relationship) if he is not charged or convicted of an offence. Children’s Services may continue to have concerns for the welfare of your child if you renew contact with your ex-partner whether or not the criminal process ends in charges or convictions; there may be additional information and/or concerns that are relevant. Perhaps this is something you covered as part of the specialist programme you completed? They are looking to you to continue to make safe decisions for your child, it is an ongoing responsibility.

At the moment you have agreed to no contact as part of the written agreement. I think that is a key element to the decisions that have been made. If you are wanting to change things then the situation will need to be re-assessed. I know you are worried about discussing future possibilities with the social worker and can understand why. However, if you are seriously thinking about resuming your friendship if the criminal case is dropped/your partner is not convicted, it is important that you discuss this openly with the social worker and find out their thinking so that you can make an informed decision rather than jeopardising the progress you have made so far. In the past, when you did resume contact having separated this resulted in children’s services taking action to place your child with your parents.

So I would suggest that first you think about how you would manage such a friendship and keep your child safe and whether you can allay children’s services concerns. Maybe you would find it helpful to have a look at the Parents Protect website , discuss this with the Stop it now confidential helpline or to ring FRG’s Freephone helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Mon – Fri, 9.30 to 3.00) to speak to an adviser.

I know you are seeking responses from other parents who have been in a similar position where there are concerns about a partner’s behaviour and the parent’s ability to keep their child safe from harm so hopefully they will respond to your query with some useful advice. However, every situation is different so any decisions you make that affect your child should be based on what is best for them and take account of the concerns and the learning that you have done.

With best wishes

Suzie

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 163
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Mon Apr 01, 2019 4:41 pm

You can put it as nicely and professionally as you want, but she's got her children back home basically because she's agreed to being bullied by them as to what relationships she can choose, and the risk she's 'worked to reduce' is an 'alleged risk' - it's in the eyes of the SS. Let's get that straight.

ScaredToBear
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:39 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by ScaredToBear » Sun Apr 21, 2019 2:42 am

Update on me: I lost my 33% off my prison sentence because I chose to spend 3 months in Philippines. I got married here to a really loving, caring girl. I have basically moved here, I have a new family and I really love being here. I have to go back to England to be locked up in 3 weeks and I am heartbroken to hell. I have had enough punishment as it is. I have had no contact with my son in like a year. I will not pursue it either. I am happy with my new life but the justice system wants to lock me up and push me to death. It is a very difficult situation because I have to leave my wife here and go home to be locked up where I will not be able to communicate with her. She will wait for me though. Still, having to leave a place you love, a wife you love and then to be ripped from your original family and locked up in a place you shouldn't even be in, is extremely difficult. I haven't slept more than 2 hours a night in months. I just wish they would leave me alone, accept that I have been punished enough and exile me from that pathetic country known as England.

AANCM
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:09 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by AANCM » Wed Nov 27, 2019 2:02 am

Update on my situation. Children services have been out of my life since beginning of the year due to the child protection coming to an end and me signing a written agreement. I’ve recently heard my ex partner was not convicted and the police have taken no further action with regards to the investigation. I would be lying to say i don’t still love him and I would really like to rekindle a relationship (if he wanted to). Any help on where I go from here? I have spoke to a solicitor and she seems to think there’s not much CS can do because there’s no conviction and they couldn’t take away my child again (What i feared most) because I would be approaching them this time and asking appropriate assessments etc

AANCM
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:09 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by AANCM » Wed Dec 18, 2019 11:54 pm

Hi there.

Ohhh no way 😫😫 that is what I fear the most. Did your partner get convicted? Xxx

AANCM
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:09 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by AANCM » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:16 am

I think your partner may be able to get himself assessed but I think it’s quite costly xx

AANCM
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:09 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Post by AANCM » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:28 am

I am trying to reply to your inbox message. It it isn’t allowing me to xx

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