My husband downloaded indecent images

Confused2606
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2018 8:14 am

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Confused2606 » Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:38 pm

Hi,
I love that advice and I completely agree we need to look after ourselves. Infact I have actually had my nails done and today been out and had my hair done! I feel so much better and much much better than I have in a long time. Also went to a comedy show last night and its so good to loose yourself for a couple of hours and enjoy it all. At the end of the day the problems are still there so why be miserable about it?
I know what you mean about the emotional rollercoaster, I see my daughters beautiful face and see just how innocent she is and how I am so so lucky that she is only 6 months old so fortunately won't remember any of this and will definitely never find out anything about it either.
My other problem which really isnt making matters any better is that my Mum and Stepfather are saying this has effected them more than me as they were present when it all happened! Head is totally in the shed and I really do not know where I can turn.
I would totally back you up making a support group. I think thats a geeat idea. Nobody would ever experience exactly what we all experience and exactly our true emotions so it is great to have other people out there to talk to.

Sunnydaydream
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:55 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Sunnydaydream » Fri Jun 15, 2018 9:25 pm

I am so pleased you are doing little things to make you happy, like you said the problems will still be there.
I know you’re I are so lucky that she is 6 months as before I fled my home my son started doing drawings and we were all crying in them, it absolutely broke my heart, hence we moved far away and within 4 weeks. I feel that I have the hide who I am as sadly it was in the papers so I’ve changed my surname and closed my business, and literally shut myself off from my previous life. Mind you it’s so much better where we are. I’m at the point now of it not being the last thing I think about and the first thing I think about in the morning, it’s a point I never thought I’d get to. So long as I keep busy and don’t think about it I am ok but as soon as I think about it for a second I feel the tears.
When we are both in a better place maybe we should look into the helpline etc xxx

Seadog01274
Posts: 50
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Seadog01274 » Fri Jul 06, 2018 11:21 pm

I am in the exact same position with my husband. Knock at the door at 8:99am and my whole world was torn to pieces. This happened 2 and a half weeks ago yet it feels like a life time. I am so lost and confused and can’t talk to anyone who understands. Everyone is just telling me to divorce him but that isn’t easy when I still love him. We only got married 4 weeks ago and have just bought our first house together. We had everything. Now it’s all been taken away from me over night. My daughter is 8 and asks every day when her step dad is coming home. So far I have had no support for the SW she only seems bothered about if I am staying with my husband rather than support my daughter and myself

Sunnydaydream
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:55 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Sunnydaydream » Fri Jul 06, 2018 11:30 pm

Oh sweetheart I am sorry I really am. You don’t need to make any decisions about your relationship for months or years, the most important thing is looking after yourself and your child. It’s so hard in fact I’ve been having such a bad day today. It feels like your life is going in slow motion doesn’t it, you go to bed thinking about it, dream about it and wake up living it. SW are no good and very hard on us partners which is bad as our lives have been ruined. At least now we don’t feel so alone as now I know there are others like me out there xx

Kami2018
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:08 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Kami2018 » Sat Jul 07, 2018 10:24 am

Sorry there is some misleading advice given here I think you just need to realise that children's services want you to seperate with your husband and you don't comply they will then go to court and get a order to stop any contact between him you and ur daughter and if u then do not comply to this they will then apply to remove your child I know this is hard to hear and this isn't your fault and reading ur post I know how upset you are u poor thing I do feel for you that why I'm telling you as honest as I can what actions CS can take because like I've said on previous post all they are interested in is the safety and well being of ur child and your abiltybto protect your daughter I can't imagine what u must be feeling hun from having everything to losing it all 2 weeks ago u really do need to speak to family rights group who will give you a lot more advice

Seadog01274
Posts: 50
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Seadog01274 » Sun Jul 15, 2018 3:26 pm

Social services are telling me they will work with me if I do chose to stay with him. My little girl will always come first hence why I have stuck to their rules and not had any contact between him and my daughter. She said things would only ever escalate to removing her if I was to break the rules. Their are no laws about what I do with my time when my daughter is at her dads. Almost 4 weeks into this nightmare now and it just feels like time is stood still. Same routine different day. I’m still struggling to leave the house and only have a small group of people I feel comfortable seeing.

Sunnydaydream
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:55 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Sunnydaydream » Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:08 pm

Hi Seadog.
I did send you a private message but unsure if you recieved it. Don’t beat yourself up 4 weeks isn’t very long. My SW has just signed me off so she is out of my life :) so long as his contact is supervised which it will be. I cried with relief. It almost been a year (16 days) since this nightmare started for us and I still don’t like going out anymore. As I person I have changed, I’m more carefree with my son and we are a really close team, but as my friend said the other day I’m quieter (prob not a bad thing lol) and don’t laugh as much as I used to. I won’t take him back now not at all, I don’t feel the same anymore. It’s hard but do remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Big hugs lovely xx

Seadog01274
Posts: 50
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Seadog01274 » Sun Jul 15, 2018 9:51 pm

This website doesn’t notify me when someone inboxes me! So even though you split from him you were monitored by social services for a year? My husband is my soul mate and we have spent hours and hours talking about how this all started and working out his reasons why he’s been doing what he’s doing. I know people won’t agree but he isn’t a bad person. He’s someone with an awful lot of issues who needs help and has never dared speak to anyone about his porn problem because of the fear of losing everything. Stop it now reccomended a really good book to me called the porn trap, all my family and his have a copy! It’s really helped me in understanding his problem. As his wife I want to support him in whatever he’s going through xxxx

Sunnydaydream
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:55 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Sunnydaydream » Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:09 am

Hey lovely xx
No we didn’t split up straight away, I stood by him throughout it all. We told SS that we’re spitting up so that they got off our backs and have us time to breath but being strong for everyone made me quite depressed and anxious and 3 months ago he found his own place. SS didn’t really monitor us after I moved (it came out in our local paper) until he was convicted and then they came back. She came over once then came back and spoke to my son (5) and then told me they are signing me off.
My husband and I still spend most of our time together but I need to try and get passed my emotional breakdown as my head is still traumatised by the police visit and turning my life upside down.
You will get through this darling, but as I said before you also need to look after yourself. How is your husband doing?
Big hugs xxx

Seadog01274
Posts: 50
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: My husband downloaded indecent images

Postby Seadog01274 » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:26 am

We’re you worried social services would find out you were spending time together? I’m presuming this is time when your child isn’t there? I’m petrified about it coming out in the papers. I know there’s already rumours and death threats flying about hence why I’m staying in my house. I can’t face the constant defending him just yet. I don’t agree with what he has done in the slightest it makes me sick when he talks about it but I always try encourage him to say out loud the sort of things he was looking at. People judge and you never know how you will react until you are in the situation xxxx


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