Don't know what to do
Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:45 pm
I split up with my long term partner earlier this year due to her wanting to chase after an ex of 22 years ago. This did result in me slapping her which caused the break up I regret my actions now and have been in therapy gone to support groups and attended anger management courses.
After the split we were amicable over our 4 children and I was able to see them whenever I wanted. We did end up sleeping together each for a bit but neither of us were ready to try again due to trust issues (her worrying I might be violent again and me not sure she wouldn't still pursue her ex)
She continued to pursue her ex until he entered a new relationship. Previous to that she had texted me to say if he didn't want her she wouldn't be able to cope and would want me to have the kids. However when I said to her about taking the kids when she was wallowing in pity she attacked me violently and said I wasn't taking the kids away from her.
She has since entered into a relationship with another man who I was informed by a friend of hers who had met him that he had a borderline personality disorder and was a former drug addict. When I questioned my ex about this admittedly I shouted at her because at the time we were arguing as she had driven recklessly round a corner and made one of our daughters smack her head in the car so tensions were rising. She attacked me violently again and our oldest daughter had to separate her from me.
I then came across her new bloke on social media due to the people you may know thing it brings up and I saw his blog in which he was boastful of a violent crime he committed and had served over 20 years for. Again this worried me and when I asked my ex she told me she was at no risk and social services were assessing him before he could meet the kids. She stated she couldn't tell me his crime for legal reasons.
Cue a few months forward and I am at her house watching the kids while she is at work and a letter adressed to us both arrives so i open it and it is a social care assesment which tells me the nature of his crimes and that he is a registered sex offender. Also they were several lies from my ex stating that the relationship ended because I cheated on her (I did but this was 12 years before) which then caused me to attack her. She also said I attacked her upon finding out about her new boyfriends crimes which again was a lie.
I have been worried about the influence this new partner has over her for a while now. As everything is centred around him she has arranged her work hours so she can see him more and she barely sees the kids as a result. The house is an absolute tip and our disabled sons nappies are left in the house and not put in the waste bin outside.(The bin is a ten second walk from the back door where She leaves them) She has been aggressive towards me when I have not been able to have the kids certain times so she can go see him. Not violently although she did angrily wash the pots while ranting at me and smashed a lasagne dish but more threatening to quit her job and telling me she doesn't want me in the house. She spends all her time at home on the phone to him and is neglecting the kids there is often very little foodwise in the house and the youngest two kids are constantly asking if they can stay at mine.
She also has been aggressive towards our oldest daughter in front of our two youngest children threatening "to knock her f-ing teeth out" before then throwing her things upstairs. She has also threatened to throw her out a few times saying "you know where your dad lives"
What also worries me is due to the nature of her new partners crimes my ex is at risk and has to do a protector course but she hasn't informed my oldest daughter she may be at risk or even asked if she should do it. In fact despite my oldest daughter knowing some things due to hearing arguments my ex has not tried giving her any reassurances over this new man.
Another concern is my exes attitude towards my concerns they are just brushed aside I have been told by professionals that her partner is medium risk but my ex believes he is low risk because he tells her that he is.
It is all rather worrying the way her behaviour has been this past year and I feel it will get worse as next year our oldest son who is disabled will be going into full time respite a distance away from where we live. She has told my oldest daughter and her friends that she may move to be closer to our son. Now her partner lives a distance away too and I feel she is using my sons respite as an excuse to move in with this new guy who still hasnt been cleared to meet the kids yet.
I feel I should step in and go for custody and a prohibitive moving order but I am worried about how the ex will react and I don't want things to become bitter but I can't continue to let her look after the children the way she has been since she met this new guy.
After the split we were amicable over our 4 children and I was able to see them whenever I wanted. We did end up sleeping together each for a bit but neither of us were ready to try again due to trust issues (her worrying I might be violent again and me not sure she wouldn't still pursue her ex)
She continued to pursue her ex until he entered a new relationship. Previous to that she had texted me to say if he didn't want her she wouldn't be able to cope and would want me to have the kids. However when I said to her about taking the kids when she was wallowing in pity she attacked me violently and said I wasn't taking the kids away from her.
She has since entered into a relationship with another man who I was informed by a friend of hers who had met him that he had a borderline personality disorder and was a former drug addict. When I questioned my ex about this admittedly I shouted at her because at the time we were arguing as she had driven recklessly round a corner and made one of our daughters smack her head in the car so tensions were rising. She attacked me violently again and our oldest daughter had to separate her from me.
I then came across her new bloke on social media due to the people you may know thing it brings up and I saw his blog in which he was boastful of a violent crime he committed and had served over 20 years for. Again this worried me and when I asked my ex she told me she was at no risk and social services were assessing him before he could meet the kids. She stated she couldn't tell me his crime for legal reasons.
Cue a few months forward and I am at her house watching the kids while she is at work and a letter adressed to us both arrives so i open it and it is a social care assesment which tells me the nature of his crimes and that he is a registered sex offender. Also they were several lies from my ex stating that the relationship ended because I cheated on her (I did but this was 12 years before) which then caused me to attack her. She also said I attacked her upon finding out about her new boyfriends crimes which again was a lie.
I have been worried about the influence this new partner has over her for a while now. As everything is centred around him she has arranged her work hours so she can see him more and she barely sees the kids as a result. The house is an absolute tip and our disabled sons nappies are left in the house and not put in the waste bin outside.(The bin is a ten second walk from the back door where She leaves them) She has been aggressive towards me when I have not been able to have the kids certain times so she can go see him. Not violently although she did angrily wash the pots while ranting at me and smashed a lasagne dish but more threatening to quit her job and telling me she doesn't want me in the house. She spends all her time at home on the phone to him and is neglecting the kids there is often very little foodwise in the house and the youngest two kids are constantly asking if they can stay at mine.
She also has been aggressive towards our oldest daughter in front of our two youngest children threatening "to knock her f-ing teeth out" before then throwing her things upstairs. She has also threatened to throw her out a few times saying "you know where your dad lives"
What also worries me is due to the nature of her new partners crimes my ex is at risk and has to do a protector course but she hasn't informed my oldest daughter she may be at risk or even asked if she should do it. In fact despite my oldest daughter knowing some things due to hearing arguments my ex has not tried giving her any reassurances over this new man.
Another concern is my exes attitude towards my concerns they are just brushed aside I have been told by professionals that her partner is medium risk but my ex believes he is low risk because he tells her that he is.
It is all rather worrying the way her behaviour has been this past year and I feel it will get worse as next year our oldest son who is disabled will be going into full time respite a distance away from where we live. She has told my oldest daughter and her friends that she may move to be closer to our son. Now her partner lives a distance away too and I feel she is using my sons respite as an excuse to move in with this new guy who still hasnt been cleared to meet the kids yet.
I feel I should step in and go for custody and a prohibitive moving order but I am worried about how the ex will react and I don't want things to become bitter but I can't continue to let her look after the children the way she has been since she met this new guy.