Don't know what to do

Ichi
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Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:05 am

Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Ichi » Fri May 25, 2018 4:17 am

Right latest update -

There is another child protection conference today and I am feeling more positive about things as this morning I received a report from the social worker.

It seems the new social worker is also concerned about my exes attitude towards her partner as she minimises any concerns in relation to him by saying any man is a risk and what makes her partner any riskier. The NSPCC has also recommended there should be no direct contact between her new partner and my children until she has completed the protective work to become more informed as she is unable to differentiate between the risk of unknown males and the risks posed by the new guy.

The fact that a planned meeting between the kids and the new guy seemed to bother her more then anything during the last core group and she even downplayed another incident between herself and my oldest daughter which resulted in a door being slammed on her foot and she threw a shoe at my oldest daughter which my two youngest were present and witness to.

Now I did say in an earlier post that the new guy had been cleared to meet my children and I was told that the assessment concluded he was low risk to the children. I still have not seen this as he refuses to give me disclosure (even though in an earlier report he says he would be willing to if I was polite to him) but it does say in the report I received today that the assessment did highlight further areas of concern -

That he has no parenting experience and that indications are he experiences some anxiety around children. He has low emotional congruence with children , a limited understanding of the impact of sexual abuse and little coherent understanding of emotional and psychological development needs of children. It also said the current family context is complex, uncertain and unstable and that his introduction into this would not only have a systemic impact on the family functioning but also on him himself which they feel uncertain he is currently equipped to manage as a parent.

It is very concerning and I am just hoping for a bit of advice before I go into the conference today. It's short notice I know but anything would be appreciated.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri May 25, 2018 11:07 am

Dear Ichi

Thank you for your updating post.

It seems that the new social worker has concerns about your children’s mother and the way she minimises possible the risk of her new partner to the children. You must be very pleased that you are not the only one expressing concerns. The children’s mother is seems needs to do a lot more work to understand her role to be protective for the children.

Your children’s mother’s behaviour towards your eldest daughter is inappropriate and am sure children’s services will want assurances from her that she will not respond and chastise your daughter in this way. To treat you daughter in this way must have an adverse effect on her emotionally and her mother needs to recognise this. If concerns remain and mother is not engaging and working appropriately with the child protection plan, children’s services may have to consider whether they need to take legal advice regarding an application to the court so, if granted an interim care order, they can share parental responsibility and make decisions about the children including where they will live.

If children’s services go down this route, you may have to consider whether you would rather make an application yourself for child arrangement orders for the children to live with you, rather than your children being in the care system.

The points you have mentioned from the report relating to the mother’s partner suggests there are quite significant concerns about him.
You may not need to say very much except to express your concerns as you have at previous meetings. The report speaks for itself so the professional will have to consider the most appropriate way to ensure your children are safeguarded.

Should you wish to discuss this further once you have had the meeting, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366 to speak to an adviser. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful and that you will have a good meeting.

Best wishes

Suzie

Ichi
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:05 am

Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Ichi » Sun May 27, 2018 8:35 pm

The meeting ok the children are still on the protected register under neglect.

I was concerned that still the only thing that seemed to concern my ex was the fact that the meeting between the children and her new partner was not happening this week. This was bought up by the NSPCC and the social workers that my ex was doing this more for her relationships needs rather then the children.

Also I want to ask could I lodge a complaint about his parole officer. I have raised concerns about the lies they stated to her in dosclosuring their relationship. I have also questioned my son's melatonin not being in supply as much since the new guy started visiting the home and nothing seems to have done regarding these concerns and worryingly this parole officer seems to think her new partner should be attending these meetings and also doesn't think the children should be under neglect whereas all the other professionals agreed they should.

Thank you for the advice in the above post I am definitely going to look into having the children with me full time as it is scary how taken in by this guy my ex has become.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue May 29, 2018 11:39 am

Dear Ichi

Thank you for your further post. I am glad to hear that the child protection review meeting went ok. You continue to have concerns about the children’s mother’s priorities which it seems that many of the professionals also share. You are already aware of your options should you wish to apply for a child arrangements order to have the children come to live with you. Remember you can get private law advice from Child Law Advice too.

You are wondering if you can make a complaint about the probation officer for your ex’s new partner. We do not advise on probation issues. If you can, try to discuss what you are unhappy about and why with the probation officer and/or their manager first to try to address your concerns. If the matter cannot be resolved I understand that you can formally complain to the Director of the National Probation Service or to the Chief Executive of the Community Rehabilitation Company (the probation officer will work for one of these organisations). There is also a Prisons and Probation Ombudsman , if needed.

I think your concerns about your son’s melatonin are best discussed with the children’s social worker as they are the key worker for the children. The probation officer is entitled to their own professional opinion in relation to both the child protection plan and category as long as they can evidence their reasons; if you think they are unreasonable you can raise this with them as above.

I hope this is helpful. Do keep working with the core group and doing your best to keep the children safe.

With best wishes

Suzie

Ichi
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:05 am

Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Ichi » Tue May 29, 2018 2:04 pm

Yeah I get that the parole officer is entitled to their opinion but I have seen texts that prove they lied about disclosure and other worrying things and she has not even asked to see them. Surely this is part of her job to check out such accusations towards him?

Also he is a convicted rapist who basically came down to another city to meet my ex without notifying his parole officer and disclosed his crimes to my ex without her consent. In fact he only disclosed to the parole officer once my ex had slept with him.

I do find it quiet worrying that he was able to manipulate all this in secret when he is on life licence for a premediated rape. It is a bit concerning that both his parole officer and his Risk Management officer are a bit too chummy with him. His RMO was even sunbathing with him in the garden is this normal?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed May 30, 2018 2:34 pm

Dear Ichi

I see that you have posted again and very concerned about what has happened between your ex and her new partner in relation to his conviction but unfortunately, I am not able to offer any advice other than what has already been posted.

If you have concerns about the probation officer then you will need to take these up directly or contact her superiors about the issues which you are clearly so worried about. Probation officers and their work and how the deal with persons for whom they are responsible does not fall within the remit of the advice I am able to offer.

As you appear to have a lot of information which you believe should be investigated it seems most appropriate that you have to make contact with the probation service who will be able to assist you. Please refer to my last post which give you details of the organisations you can contact to lodge a complaint.

I am unable to assist you further with this particular aspect in regarding the probation officer or risk management officer. It is not possible for me to comment as I say on what is normal in their work.

Best wishes

Suzie

Ichi
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:05 am

Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Ichi » Sat Jun 02, 2018 3:32 pm

Yeah I was wondering just if I was overreacting to the whole parole officer thing. It is concerning to me that things I have said / reported don't seem to have been followed up.

On the plus side yesterday as i went to pick up the girls as my ex had taken them to her sisters. I was a few minutes early as she was stuck in traffic but my oldest daughter let me in. The social worker came round and was disgusted by the state of the house (rightfully so too) is still concerned about my ex not seeing why the new guy is any more of a risk then any one and basically told me I should I go for a court order so the girls are with me.

She then spoke in private to my children as my ex turned up within moments. My oldest daughter has told me that she is getting assigned an adult social worker as they are concerns about her and my exes relationship.

My ex just assumed they were coming to question the kids about wether they had met the new guy yet which again is worrying as she is only concerned that he meets them soon rather then putting the kids safety first.

Would I be able to get an order stopping him for contact if they lived with me? An independent assessment has said that it wouldn't be suitable for him to meet them right now but I do feel my ex will just ignore that if she can.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jun 13, 2018 2:28 pm

Dear Ichi

Thank you for your further post.

From your post, it appears that the allocated social workers shares your concerns regarding your ex partner’s attitude to her partner’s history and how this might impact the children. You have been, you say, told by the social worker to consider having the children live with you under a court order. This is a decision only you can make if you believe it is the best way to protect your children.

To answer your question about whether your ex partner’s current partner could be prevented from seeing your children if they lived with you. It would be possible to apply to the court for a prohibited steps order to prevent him seeing your children for example when they have contact with their mother. If he lives in the same home with the mother this might prove difficult but that is something that would have to be discussed at court when your application is considered. If the order was made and your ex partner chose to ignore it then she would be in breach of a court order which could have serious implications for her.

As previously advised, private law cases does not fall within our remit and, I suggest that you make contact with the organisation for whom the link was provided in an earlier post.

Should you decide to make an application for a child arrangement order for your children to live with you, this will hopefully give you peace of mind about your children’s well-being if you are successful in your application.

Best wishes

Suzie

Ichi
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:05 am

Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Ichi » Tue Jul 10, 2018 8:38 pm

Latest update -

My oldest daughter now lives with me as she argued with my ex over her new partner. My oldest daughter told my ex she had nightmares about being raped by him and that she didnt feel confortable with him coming to the house. My ex also for some reason decided to tell her that her new partner had commented on some young girl down the street saying she didnt look 16.

I have contacted solicitors to get the ball rolling regarding getting custody of my two youngest children. I am still waiting to get an appointment but i am hoping it is soon as there was another core group meeting yesterday and more concerns were raised.

First of all it was a split conference as my ex said she didnt feel safe being in the same room as me due to me questioning her decisions. Was probably a good thing after what i heard yesterday basically she has been told by the NSPCC that they arent putting her through the women as protectors course because after two sessions they didnt feel she was able to protect my children. Apparently this is the first time in 12 years rhey have refused to help someone.

Also my ex didnt help herself as she made a flippant remark about rape and also told them she wouldn't report any concerns regarding her new partner as it would be a breach of trust.

So now she has to make a decision about what she wants to do she has told the social worker she feels she can do the relationship and parenting seperate from each other. I am not convinced at all.

Should i continue to go the legal route or is there a good chance Social services just take the kids off her because if possible i would rather not put my youngest through the court process.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jul 13, 2018 11:28 am

Dear Ichi

Thank you for your updating post.

You must be relieved that your eldest daughter is now in your care because it appears from what you say that she does not feel safe living with her mother.

You said there was a split conference, I assume this was a review conference, and information given to you was that the mother had been rejected by the NSPCC on their parent protect programme. This suggests that your ex-partner does not really appreciate the concerns and her role in protecting her children. It must be a very serious concern for the NSPCC that they are not prepared to offer her support.

It seems that your ex-partner is finding it very difficult to recognise or understand the concerns regarding the risk her partner might be to her children.

Are children’s services of the view, bearing in mind what the NSPCC has said, that the children’s mother is able to protect them and they should remain in her care? Has children’s services given any indication that they may consider removing the children from her care? Since, your ex-partner has said she can have her relationship and parent the children separately is this an arrangement children’s services think is workable.

You say you are planning to apply to the court for your younger children to live with you. This is what you will have to do if their mother will not agree that they can live with you.

Children’s services cannot remove that children from their mother’s care unless she agrees to it or they obtain an order from the court. The only other way the children could be remove would be under police protection but only if they are at risk of imminent harm. This would last for only 72 hours, which means that consent would still be needed or a court after this time expires.

Although you do not want the children involved in the court process, unless their mother agrees to them living with you, it is likely that the court will be involved either by you applying for a child arrangement or children’s services applying themselves to the court and you seeking the order in their case. If children’s services and the children’s mother cannot reach agreement about how she will safely care for the children then the court is likely to be involved.

It might be helpful if you discuss your options with the solicitor at your appointment.

I hope this is helpful

Best wishes

Suzie


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