relationship with sex offender

B17630H
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:28 pm

relationship with sex offender

Postby B17630H » Thu Jun 29, 2017 1:59 pm

Hi, I am in desperate need of help.
I have been charged with downloading sometime in the past 8 indecent images of children. I was in a relationship with a woman with 2 children from another partner. Children's services have banned her from contacting me or being in a relationship with me with threats of taking her children. Currently the children are not involved with me. Is there anything we can do to maintain our relationship away from the children. My partner also suffers from some mental health issues. I fully realise what I did was wrong but it was a long time ago. I don't see why two consenting adults should not be able to see each other.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2081
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: relationship with sex offender

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 30, 2017 4:44 pm

Dear B17630H

Welcome to the board and thank you for your post.

You say that Children’s Services have banned your partner from having a relationship with you and threaten to remove the children should she continue a relationship with you. You ask what you can do to continue your relationship but I am unable to give you a purposeful response without knowing the answer to the following questions.

1) Has a risk assessment been carried out?
2) Are you on the sex offender’s register?
3) Are your partner’s children on a child in need plan or a child protection plan?

The Lucy Faithfull Foundation may be able to give you some advice and you may find our advice sheet about child protection procedures useful too. If you would prefer to speak to us, please call our confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366, lines are open Monday to Friday, 9.30am-3.00pm.

I look forward to your response.

Best wishes

Suzie

B17630H
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:28 pm

Re: relationship with sex offender

Postby B17630H » Fri Jun 30, 2017 6:14 pm

Hi Suzie thank you for your reply, in answer to your question.
I have yet to undergo a risk assessment.
I will be on the sor for either 2 or 5 years
Her children have been moved from child protection to child in need as I don't have any contact with them and am happy for that to continue. Our relationship is conducted away from the kids. Is there any hope for the future. Especially seeing as my partner suffers with mental health issues. ?

B***

****Amended by Suzie to comply with rules about confidentiality.

Chancing
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 2:39 am

IRe: relationship with sex offender

Postby Chancing » Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:59 am

Having been in a very similar situation myself I can tell you very little YOU do will make a difference to wether you are able to continue your relationship.

It will all come down to your partner and wether the Child welfare believe she is capable of protecting her children.
The best thing she can do is contact Lucy Faithful and make herself aware of the risks and warning signs of abuse.
I have already written a post about interacting successfully with child welfare. Maybe take a look through it.
My partners offences were serious and he received a custodial sentence. However it did not involve minors.
But I have children that are of the age he and his victim weresat the time of the offence. So Children's welfare was actively involved.
It may be that it comes to nothing, but better be prepared than always on the back foot.

If your partner has significant mental health issues she may be considered a vulnerable adult, in which case it's even more important she is able to prove autonomy and clear judgement with regards to you and her children.

Good luck and all the best.

Tin10
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2017 2:32 pm

Re: relationship with sex offender

Postby Tin10 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 10:35 pm

Can anyone help me my husband in out back after 2 years in prison for sexual contact with a child who was our close family friends, now when he came back I thought he would be able to come and live with me and my two children because I agree he done mistake which is not acceptable to the community but throughout the last 2 years our church reverend has given him counselling supported him so he can change and live a better life when he is out , social services are now involved and are putting my children on child protection and are coming to visit them and tell them about their dads crime since I am insisting for him to live with us and give him a chance bec I truly believe he is changed and my children are so emotional at this point broken not knowing when dad will return bec I haven’t shared to them told the
He is gone back away to take care of his mother
Will I ever be able to live together will my children have to wait years before they can even see him again,he is now in the
Probation hostel and I visit him alone ,
I am confused don’t know what life holds a head for me and my kids my children are boy11 and girl 9

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2081
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: relationship with sex offender

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jan 10, 2018 3:56 pm

Dear Tin10

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ discussion board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you are feeling so confused about you current circumstances following your husband’s prison sentence for sexual contact with a child. Whilst I understand that you want to return to your normal family live with your husband and children, you do need to consider the concerns that children’s services are likely to have about your husband, a registered sex offender. Children’s services are concerned about safeguarding your children because of what happened to children who were close to the family, their concerns is to ensure that the same thing is not likely to happen with your own children. This might be something that you have already considered and concluded that this is unlikely to happen but children’s services will be cautious about how much your husband has changed.

The children are currently on a child protection plan and it is really very important that you adhere to the plan, cooperate and fully engage with children’s services.

You can read our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures for more detailed information.

From what you say, your husband has received counselling from your reverend and you believe this has helped your husband to change and live a better life after his release. Obviously, I do not know the expertise that the reverend has but I would suggest that you and your husband make contact with Lucy Faithfull Foundation an organisation that works with sex offenders and their families. I think this is likely to help you both in respect of your husband’s offence and moving forward.

You are trying to protect your children by telling that their father is away to look after his mother. Children’s services will want the children to know what their father did as this may well be the way for them to learn how to keep themselves safe. It might be helpful if you look at information about keeping your child safe. Please see the NSPCC website for more information on this topic.

Children’s services do not have a legal right to give the information to your children if you object but they may consider it a negative on your part and see it as you not being a protective parent. You are of course within your rights to ask the social worker to explain how he or she intends to share the information with the children and what support will be offered to you to respond to any questions the children may have after she has spoken to them.

If children’s services have been working with you and your husband, I think this is on the basis of the fact that he crime he committed with a view to assessing the possible risk he poses if he were to live in the home. I cannot give you a time limit but it will depend on how you and your husband work with children’s services. The main thing children’s services will want to know is that you are fully aware of the risks involved and able to protect your children. You can support your husband as much as you can but your children’s needs should be your first consideration and that is the expectation children's services has in relation to safeguarding children.

I suggest you ask the social worker to explain how long a risk assessment of your husband will take and, if has not already started, when it will start and the timescale for its completion.

At present you are seeing your husband at the probation hostel and I assume this is because the child protection plan provides for this to happen away from the children. Are the children having supervised contact with their father? If not, ask the social worker when this can happen especially if the children are being adversely affected by not seeing him.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser in more detail, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie


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