difficult choice

[worriedmum81]

Im looking more for opinions rather than advice on this at the minute. My eldest son is in the process (very very slow process) of being allowed to visit and hopefully return home. Im excited at this prospect as well as a bit nervous because he has had major issues in the past, but he is nearly 16 and its his choice. His social worker adnitted to me that its in his best interest to have social work involvement but it will save the council a lot of money if he returns home full time...anyway ive digressed.
When the children went into care, our bond was extremely strong. The child psychologist in our original court case said it was the strongest family bond he had witnessed, and helped me to prevent my younger daughter being adopted because of it, although this didnt help to stop my youngest 2 because of their ages. Now 4 years later i still desperately want them all home, but my younger daughter has developed a very close relationship with her foster parents, particularly the mum, and they are extremely fond of her. The mum has even stated to me that she feels like she is her own but that she doesnt mind sharing her with me. Its good to see her so settled and happy but i feel this then means she wouldnt want to come home if i went back and got the care order overturned.
I also have a 13 and 11 year old in foster care, they live together on a farm, with all the benefits that being there obviously brings with it. Over recent months though (about 6 months roughly) ive noticed them both, particularly my daughter becoming more distant with mr to the point that at contact she sits and talks to her older brother and barely speaks to me until near the end, then gets annoyed with me for not having time for her. She has also recently said a few comments that her foster mum has said about me which seem to put me down. Such as when it was the end of year shows i gave my son a box of chocs to share with his friends, i gave my daughter a pamper kit (lotions and bubble bath etc) to share with a friend if she had a sleep over and also another bath pamper package as a thank you for the mum. Apparently there were comments made that i treated my son better because of the chocolates. That is just one of the examples of comments.
Now id love to go back to court and get the care order overturned, and with a lot of the original evidence being proven as false (for instance the social workers saying i never phoned the police about the babys dad, when i had a police report of 13 different times in 3 months that i reported him), as well as the massive changes in my life, i have had cognitive behaviour therapy which i paid for myself, have had my own home for nearly 4 years, have a career working with people who have special needs, have completed many courses including ones about domestic abuse, autism and mental health (which i am now doing an a level in) and have done these courses myself without support from social workers. I have also been off my depression tablets for over 2 years and cope fine. But as much as i want them home, would it be whats best for them, or should i bite the bullet, let them stay with the carers that they have had for nearly 3 years and hope tre children will still want me as a mum when they are older? It makes me cry just to think of making that decision but ive always made choices, thinking of whats better for them not what would make me happiest. Sorry for going on with myself so much.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Worriedmum81,

Thank you for posting again on the parents Forum. I know you are looking for opinions rather than advice.

I wonder whether people may have missed your post because it is in the “information about the board” section. You could move it to one of the Parents discussion threads such as “Do you have a child in care”.

Best wishes,
Suzie