Where do I go from here?

[Nikkkkki]

On the 22nd Oct my twin girls aged 9 had an argument over a school shirt getting ready for school. I broke it up and gave the shirt to the current twin telling the other to get another one. She then had a huge hissy fit and we were going to be late for school. I do the usual, told her to stop, asked her how she would feel if I spoke to her like that and when she carried on screaming and shouting i threatened to record her and let her teacher hear it and she still carried on.

When she came down wearing a dirty shirt I pointed it out to her and shoved her shoulder as most parents, grandparents and even teachers would do, in the direction of the door and told her to run upstairs and change it.

When she came back down I quickly did her hair, she was complaining it was tuggy as they do most mornings but I carried on as we were already late for school

Later that day I got a call from headteacher to say all 3 of my children had been taken to child protection after one of them made a disclosure. Later that night I was called by a social worker who spoke to me like I was the scum of the earth! She was looking for somewhere for my children to stay. My father agreed to take them, I was allowed to stay with them but I was not to be left unsupervised. Two days later I was asked to attend the police station where I was arrested and charged with assaulting my daughter.

I am a staff nurse and as a result of being charged I was suspended from work. I wasn’t allowed on the premises of any of the trusts property including my gp practice. I wasn’t able to attend my sons hospital visits and unless life threatening I wasn’t allowed to attend my gp!

Social work then phoned 3 weeks later to start assessment. No one in that time checked on my children or that my 72 year old father was coping. I was from then on made to feel like a master criminal, not to mention some issues I had after they had spoken to my children!

Roll on another 2 weeks and the social worker turned up to introduce another social worker to me. In all this time I still didn’t know the allegations made against me bar the fact I was meant to have assaulted my daughter and every time I asked they refused saying they could not discuss it as it was a criminal matter. I asked her again and complaint to her the way I was loosing so much money due to not picking up the extra shifts I normally would and that Christmas was just around the corner. To this she replied saying that there was historical evidence of my family struggling and this wasn’t the first time I was known to sw and said it in such a way that it was almost like “you only have yourself to blame”. It then dawn on me 15 yrs ago I went to sw to ask for help when my older daughter was going off the rails, it got to the point she put me down a flight of stairs when she was 15 and 16.5 stone! I put her into voluntary care and at the time the social worker wrote a very bad report about me. I challenged it and took it further, the complaint was upheld and I received an apology - apparently she did it because foster places were hard to come by, so saying the parents were at fault gave them higher priority for one!

I exi corrected the sw who brought this up and her whole attitude changed!! She couldn’t wait to leave my dads house. She must of gone straight back to her office and looked for that apology!! The very next day all charges against me were dropped.

I have since found out why child protection were involved, she read out to me the statement from the school “......,,disclosed that mum pulled her hair and slapped her shoulder on way to school this morning”. I think that they then ran a check on me found that false report from years ago and decided before even speaking to me that I was being charged.

This has left me with major trust issues. It has completely stripped me of all confidence, self worth and my motivation is rock bottom. My relationship has completely changed with my children and I want someone to take responsibility for what has happened. Where do I start?????

I was contemplating suicide during all of this and now feel I’m suffering ptsd. Families can’t be allowed to go through this!!

[Miserylovescompany2]

I don't simply want to read and run...

I'd firstly establish who the managing director is for CS in your area - get your story in front of their eyes. I'd also initiate a formal complaint because your case and situation doesn't seem to have been handled well. Did you sign a section 20 to allow your father to accommodate the children and was he assessed to even establish whether he could safely manage the needs of his grandchildren for a prolonged period?

You might need to firstly gather all information currently held on your family - I'd actually do the freedom of information request before starting anything else. This might serve you better in the long term. Make sure you request - internal memos, all email correspondence, hand written notes etc - basically every form of communication you can think of. You can also contact the HCPC regarding SW competence.

The actions of CS shows they made an error - no doubt they will attempt to cover their own backs. That's why it's so important that you get the information prior to doing anything else. You'd be surprised just how much information simply "disappears" or is "lost" - don't give them the heads up!

Are your children back in your care now? What is happening with your job?

[Nikkkkki]

No nothing was signed by either myself or my father. No one contacted or visited him to check his accommodation or mine until they met with me 3 weeks later. I struggled one saturaday as my dad needed to go away for the day and couldn’t take my children. He obviously couldn’t leave them with me so I phoned to ask for support and they refused saying it was my responsibility to arrange my own supvision! I also contacted them on more than one occasion as I was concerned that if it were to drag on my fathers health would suffer, he has several chronic conditions which are exacerbated with stress and they complete dismissed my concerns. The day after this was all dropped my father was admitted to hospital as an emergency! He was in for a week on I’ve med to stabilise his condition and he has be back in for an op.

I will write into them this weekend and request all my records. I have already verbally requested a copy of the letter of apology from years ago. They admitted they have found it and also my letter of complaint which initiated the original complaint but they refused saying it was in my daughters file and she is now an adult so they can’t give it to me. I have issues with this as I wrote the letter and the letter of apology was addressed to me so I see no reason for not allowing me copies.

I am not back at work, between the treatment of social work and the nhs trust I work for I am still suffering the aftermath. I still feel I have a big black cloud over my head, I only feel safe at home with the door closed! I wake frequently during the night and still can’t believe what I have just been through. The thoughts of how badly they got things wrong and how dreadfully I’ve been treated by all those I should feel are the most trustworthy in society, teachers, police, social workers and healthcare professional! My confidence is at rock bottom and I probably do need some for of help to get me back to functioning as a relatively normal individual - but I’m even too scared to seek that out incase it’s hrld against me at a later date.
I do need to muster up the strength, obtain copies of my files and take it further. I know if these people were exposed and taken to task it may help me to recover but the way I feel and lack of confidence I’m finding it really difficult. If I could find someone who could help me. I would take it and be most grateful

[Miserylovescompany2]

Honestly - I think you'd be in a much stronger position if the focus for now was on getting yourself back on track. Your medical records are confidential - CS need your consent to access them.

I have CS involvement - I consented to the accessing of my medical records during the court process for my son who is currently a looked after child. I withdrew my consent four months later as unbeknownst to me at the time CS were still accessing my records. I, just like yourself needed to access my GP without fear of this being used against me. To date (over 1.5 years later) it hasn't. I have been proactive in seeking support for my MH. Because if I hadn't I'd probably not be here to tell the tale. My fight with CS is ongoing - it takes so much from you emotionally. I attempted to navigate the complaint process shortly after my son entered care - I couldn't do the complaint justice because I wasn't well. In hindsight, I should of waited.

The bringing CS to task and making them fully accountable for their actions will take time, lots of effort and take lots from you emotionally. It will also take focus away from your family and the here and now. That's why it's so important that you are emotionally ready to take on that challenge. I know you just want your life back and I wish there was a fast track way to achieve this. Unfortunately there isn't.

Please think about making that GP appointment?

[Moonlight]

In my case i had a hair strand on the Monday, i disclosed i had been using. They then left me untill tues am and said i had l to be supervised during the day and my children stayed at my mums at night untill the thurs am where there was no sw to watch me and my mum was busy so i had my daughter untill the friday (my son was at school then at my mums he is 8 and my daughter is 20 months) when at 1pm they made me sign session 20 on my daughter and my son went to my mum.
At the time I believed it was only for short time as they where going to get me straight into detox. 7 weeks on Im still waiting and they are now moving on, saying its because my children are so young!
I dont want to live anymore i cant see any point without by baby.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Hello Moonlight

Are CS now saying that they are going to start court proceedings? Or is the plan for the children to remain with your mother?

Have you asked your GP for assistance to see whether they can put some pressure on CS to start the ball rolling for detox. It might be an idea - this way it shows you want the support and you are proactively pushing for it.

[Moonlight]

Misery,
Ive had pre pro meeting and next 1 is in the 1st. I had another hair strand today and it was not as close to my scalp which worries me as wont show as much clean time.
Im just so confused with everything. Its to much! I dont want to be without my baby.
Yes i make my own choices but if it wasnt for my ex i wouldnt be here now!

[Miserylovescompany2]

Moonlight, none of us can change our past choices. We can reflect and show insight though and make the here and now about just that. Are you separated from your ex now, because if he was part of the problem that also demonstrates you are willing to deal with all the challenges without his negative impact on you. Will your hair be tested again in the future? Even if you look at the worse case scenario and CS decide to go along the court route you will have those 26 weeks (court time frame) to show positive change. I know, the mere thought of proceedings will be a daunting one. But think of it as a window of opportunity to show you have and are addressing concerns.

That said, you aren't at that stage yet - you've agreed for your children to be under a section 20. That shows you have placed their need above that of your own. I know it won't feel like that as right now your focus is on that you've already lost them. You haven't. Nor is it a certainty that you will. Right now you have to focus on yourself and use this time to prove that you can provide the care your children need.

Do you have a solicitor yet - you will be entitled to one. They will be able to advise you and also act as an intermediate between CS and yourself. They can also push for additional things like travel expenses and money for activities during contact - it holds more weight when a solicitor is asking/requesting on your behalf.