Help me please I need advice

Trxena
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 11:13 pm

Help me please I need advice

Postby Trxena » Sun Oct 07, 2012 6:51 pm

Sorry is there's any mistake because my English not very good.
I left my hasbund 7 month ago I went to refuge because of domestic violence physical and we have 2 year child when I left my hasbund social told me if u go back to him u have to go to court and social told me they will take my child away from us . But now I want to go back to him to live as a family during this 7 month me and my hasbund improve lots of thing and e realise that we can not live with out each other because we love each other so much and we want to our child live with family because is best for child to live with both parent .but I'm afraid if I go back to him will social can take our doughter away from us what's the best for us to do, it's the second time social involved in our mater first time they didn't do any action they close our case and this time they said because I'm far from my hasbund they close our case and I'm pregnant with my hasbund with second baby if I go back to him dose social can take both child from us some advise please , thank u

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1685
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Help me please I need advice

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:04 pm

Hi Trxena

Welcome to the board.

You have raised a very common problem, that many parents come to the board looking for support from other people in the same position. You are right to take seriously, the concerns being raised by Children’s Services at this time.

Domestic Abuse:
Domestic violence issues will usually mean Children’s Services will be worried about your children’s safety. This is because for very young children may be living in a home, where they are exposed to conflict between the parents, they are unable to walk away or are too young to say what may be happening to them. In the worst case scenario, they could be physically injured during the domestic abuse. Sometimes the violence can be physical or emotional. This can involve mental abuse, cruelty, harassment and intimidating behaviour. Significantly, the abuse can result in a victim becoming so downtrodden, the abuse can become a normal part of every day life. In this case, a victim is less likely to report the domestic abuse to the police. Therefore, perpetrators of domestic abuse can be put in a very powerful position, and go on to manipulate the situation by knowing their victim’s fear, or weak position and low self esteem means their actions are unlikely to be reported.

Family Support:
The Local Authority may only become aware of those more serious incidents or where professionals or concerned neighbours report them. They may wish to complete an initial (over 10 days) or core (over 35 days) assessment to help them gain a better understanding of how you are able to meet your children’s needs, and what family support you may need for them and the new baby.

Child Protection:
They may wish to hold a meeting called a child protection conference. If they do this, you would be invited to attend, and there would be professionals present from the social work, police child protection, health visitor, midwife who would share the information they have from working with you and your child. This meeting would be chaired by a child protection chair or coordinator, and you could take along an advocate or support person to help you respond to some of the questions that will be asked during the meeting. At the very least, you woul d be entitled to have an interpreter to be present. You could get more information from http://www.frg.org.uk/films.

The conference would concerned if the domestic abuse has been very frequent, the children are very young, you and your partner have separated and reunite many times or if the contact arrangements between the children and your partner have been unclear. They will want to know how far either one or both of you are able to see the dangers of any past or future violence on the children. For many parents, there could be many reasons why instances of domestic abuse go unreported, which means it is likely that child protection procedures would be followed where children are assessed as being at risk. For these reasons, you need to consider carefully the consequences of resuming a relationship with your ex partner, because Children’s Services will want to assess, your ability to prioritise your children’s needs, keep them safe, over and above your own relationship. I also suggest you fully engage with any assessements, and you and your partner are open with them about your plans to be together, and hope to seek the right help in order to work through your past relationship difficulties.

Support Services:
You may want to consider seeking support from Relate an organisation that offers relationship counselling to individuals, couples and families http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html. You may also wish to seek support from National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 a 24 hour telephone support service to victims of domestic abuse on 0300 100 1234 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/.

If you wish to discuss your situation in more detail, you can contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm, where you can have a interpreter in your first language, if this would be helpful to you.

Best Wishes

Suzie

TKH
Posts: 26
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2011 11:59 pm

Re: Help me please I need advice

Postby TKH » Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:08 pm

You have to accept that you can not go back to your husband. The environment is not good for small children your young child has already suffered - he has had to move to a refuge. Move on - make a new life for yourself and your children. Good luck.

Trxena
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 11:13 pm

Re: Help me please I need advice

Postby Trxena » Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:14 pm

Thank u all so much for replying me but the social doesn't force me to go to refuge I my self asked them to find refuge for me

Trxena
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 11:13 pm

Re: Help me please I need advice

Postby Trxena » Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:16 pm

Thanks all for replying me I decided to go to refuge social didn't force me to go to refuge

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1685
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Help me please I need advice

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Oct 11, 2012 1:19 pm

Hi Trxena

I just wanted to add a bit of advice to my earlier post.

You need to take Children's Services concerns very seriously. If they have said that they would go to court if you ever returned to a relationship with your child's father, it is likely they will do this.

Therefore, I suggest you speak to a solicitor as soon as possible, about your situation. You can do this by contacting one on http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/.

Best Wishes


Suzie


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