social service involvement

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snehar
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2019 5:32 pm

social service involvement

Post by snehar » Fri Apr 26, 2019 12:48 am

Hi

I would be very grateful if anyone who has had any experience of similar situation or any legal advice to share please do as I am in need of help. I am soo stressed out.

My husband is serving a prison sentence. I have 4 young children aged 10, 8, 4, and 3. I had an unexpected visit from 2 police officers saying someone reported them inregards to the welfare of my children so they have to check if the kids are safe. they briefly spoke to the kids, saw their rooms and said the house was quite clean, kids look happy. there is nothing to worry about but they need to inform the safeguarding team and put it in the system. I was told not to worry about anything. they understand that it must be difficult looking after 4 young children. I told them I do shout at the kids when they misbehave. few days later, I get an unexpected visit from social services. the social worker told me she is here because of a phone conversation I had with my husband saying about my children that " I will break their hands, I wish they were dead". I was shocked to hear this as I do not recall the conversation, I told the social worker that " I must have said it due to anger" she said there are certain things I can say and certain things I shouldn't. she has taken details about my childrens school, doctors and health visitor. I told the social worker to check my kids body if she wishes but she said there is no need to do that. they will carry out an assessment which may take up to 43 days. she will speak to my older 2 children. I have never hit my children whereby they have been bruised. i have lightly smacked my kids on the hand if they were hiting one another or touching things that they shouldnt. I dont think my children understand fully what hitting and slapping is as sometimes when i move them from my way they will say i have hurt them. I feel since their father gone into prison my kids have become too sentisive and gets easily emotional. there have been times when my daughter has said to her father via phone that I slapped/hit her which I was unaware of. Now she tells me.

I speak to my husband in English and my mother tongue which is bengali. there are certain cultural dialect we use but it doesn't mean what we say is actually what we mean. So I must hve been angry with my husband for what he has done and made me and my children go through such a hardship. My kids are his weak point, he loves them alot and is effected if anything happens to them. sometimes i hve said to him they have been soo naughty therefore I have smacked them ect... by saying this i know it would hurt him. I just wanted him to feel some sort of pain for putting us through hell. i feel he is just sitting there in prison while i am having to deal with everything, it is not easy, my kids are difficult and very challenging. I love my kids, they are my world. I cannot imagine them to be taken away from me for the stupid conversations i had with my partner. I would like to know people who might have had similar experiences. I am worried about hether my children will be taken away? what my children will be asked? whether at home or school? what my rights are? what can I do? should I contact the social worker and explain why I might have said what I said?
any advice is apreciated???

Thankyou!

snehar

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2622
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: social service involvement

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri May 24, 2019 12:20 pm

Dear snehar,

Welcome to the Parents Forum. I am sorry for the delay in responding to your post. I can see how difficult things must be for you looking after 4 children and your husband being in prison.

I can see that the police carried out a welfare check on your children and were satisfied that your children were safe. Now children services are caring out an assessment to see whether you might need any support. Like they say, this will take some time- up to 9 weeks and will involve them speaking to other professionals-such as the school and your GP.
At the end of the assessment, children servives will prepare a written report. This will detail whether or not they want to be involved further with your family, to provide support for example.

They have now been involved for over a month. Is the assessment still ongoing?

From the information you have given in your post, I can see that you have been cooperating with the assessments-by the police and children services. This is by far the best approach as it helps to build up a trusting relationship.

It seems likely that the prison service may have referred to children’s services. If it was a professional referring you should be told.

The worry seems to be about whether you could hurt your children. You have talked about wishing your children dead and breaking their hands. You say that something may have got lost in translation as you speak to your husband in both Bengali and English and that there are cultural expressions you have used. It is important that you let the social worker know this.

You should consider having the support of a Bengali interpreter-even if you English is good. Children services can use a lot of technical language. Also, if what you said continues to be in contention, then children’s services could get an Bengali expert from the area you originate from to confirm the expression.
Your daughter has also complained to her father about you smacking her. Children services may want you to attend parenting support classes-to look at different ways of disciplining your children.
Family lives also have support around parenting issues.

If at any point children services suspected your children might be at risk of suffering significant harm, they will have a child protection investigation which may lead to an initial child protection conference. If this was to happen, look at our FAQ’s about child protection .


You also mention that you feel (understandably) angry about your husband being in prison and leaving you to cope on your own. Children services may be able to signpost you for support.
There are also organisations who help families of prisoners. Here is a list.

I hope this advice helps. Things may have moved on so please post back if you need further advice or assistance. Or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie

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