What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved?

Post Reply
Crazybubble343
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:17 am

What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved?

Post by Crazybubble343 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 12:47 pm

Hi, just going to cut a long story short I was with my current partner for 3 and a half months and I got a phone call from social services to tell me that he is a danger to kids, even though he didn’t tell me about it we spoke about it and he told me it happened years ago back when he was 15/16/17, he’s now 22 and he showed me the court paperwork and he was charged for touching the child but never went prison nor was he put on the sex offenders register, the person who called SS mum made it worse by making all these false allegations against him and when the court found out that she was lying they dropped the other charges but he was still charged with touching, me and him want to get back together and make another go of things but ss are saying that he can’t have the assessment done cause he’s not moving in with me, can I have some advice on what to tell ss about this, cause I know we have only been together 3 and a half months but I do care about him and I know he should of told me but he didn’t know how to approach me by telling me. I just need some advice on getting SS on my side for once because whenever I speak to my Ss all he keeps asking is if we are moving in together when we are not, we want to give it another go but I’ve already told my ex that we are not giving it another go unless he does the assessment but all my social worker is saying is he can’t have the assessment unless we are moving in together, I really need some advice on what to do as I really want to give it another go cause I do believe he has learnt from his mistakes and I also believe that it won’t happen again and I know deep down he has changed his ways of what happened a couple of years ago

Thankyou for the advice as much needed at the moment!!

Crazybubble343
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:17 am

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved?

Post by Crazybubble343 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 12:53 pm

Thank you so much, I do believe everyone deserves a second chance, but the thing I’m worried about is my sons dad, cause atm he’s looking after my son cause of all this going on, I’m afraid if I tell him that I’m getting back with my ex, will he stop me from seeing my son or?

Crazybubble343
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:17 am

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved?

Post by Crazybubble343 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 4:02 pm

Someone please give me some advice on what to do seeing as when I ask my social worker about the assessment all he keeps asking is if me and him are moving in together which I’ve said multiple times that we are not, so I don’t know what to do, cause when I spoke to my ex about what actually happened I believe him, it’s only like this because the girls mum who made the allegation made up a lot of lies about him and it got taken to court and he was charged for the sexual touching all because his family didn’t listen to his side of the story on what actually happened, and when I spoke to him about what happened he told me nothing actually happened, the little girl wanted her nappy changed and so he was being helpful and changed the little girls nappy and saw her bum was sore so he put some cream on it and now all of a sudden he sexually assaulted her, I don’t see in any way that is sexual assault.

Someone please give me some useful advice cause I’m sick of this now, I just want to be back with him and happy with him like how we used to be before this came out. Some useful advice would be brilliant right now seeing as my social worker isn’t helping or listening

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2632
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Mar 21, 2019 3:53 pm

Dear Crazybubble343

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRG’s online adviser. You have posted on a number of threads but I will try to respond to all here. I am sorry we have not been able to reply to your query sooner.

You are in a dilemma because you of your new relationship with a partner about whom there are concerns about sexual offending. You have had some support and advice from another parent, Runnermum16, who is going through some similar issues.

Children’s Services have become involved with you and your son because you are in a new relationship with a man who they tell you poses a risk to children. You would like to remain in a relationship with him if possible but would like children’s services to undertake an assessment which the social worker says would only happen if you and your new partner were living together.

There are a few aspects to your post that I am not clear about. You don’t say very much about your son or mention his age but it seems that his dad is caring for him at the moment; is this at the recommendation of children’s services or because his dad is concerned for his welfare because of your partner’s history? Either way, this has already impacted on your son in terms of his living arrangements. Have you thought about other possible effects on your son?

I wonder if your partner was charged with sexual assault of a child under 13 rather than sexual touching? Your partner did not tell you about this until you had already been notified by children’s services. You have explained how this was difficult for him to talk about, which it may have been for a number of reasons, and that it happened 5 – 7 years ago when he was a teenager. This does not mean that the risk is lesser though. You do accept that he should have told you at the beginning, however, you seem to be very willing to accept what he tells you now about the circumstances and his view that the victim’s family lied about the incident which involved a young child or toddler. You seem to have some mixed views as you also state that he has learned from his mistakes and it won’t happen again. I am not sure exactly what you base this on or what has happened in the meantime nor exactly what the court outcome was? Despite your partner not going to prison and not being on the sex offenders’ register, his relationship with you, a mother, has prompted children’s services to contact you to advise you that he is a risk to children. The title of your post suggests that he was convicted. It is really important that you do not play this down.

It might be helpful for you to have a look at some of the advice materials there are to help parents understand more about child sexual abuse and how to protect their children. This will be essential if children’s services do remain involved as they would not only be looking at risk-assessing your partner (if they do agree to do this) but also about your understanding of the concerns and your ability to make safe decisions for your child. The Lucy Faithfull Foundation has a very informative website including a specialist Parents Protect website and the NSPCC has lots of information and advice about this topic.

You ask how you can get children’s services on your side. Their role is to help parents raise their children safely but also to take steps to keep children safe where they are at risk of harm. I guess what you would like is for them them to hear what you have to say and to take account of this.

You might find our young parents’ advice website equal opportunities useful including the tips on working with your social worker. We also have specialist advice sheets on family support and child protection helpful.

Although you are very clear that you want to continue to have a relationship with your partner you are equally clear that you know he needs to be assessed by children’s services and for them to be satisfied in order for this to be possible. It seems that the social worker states that this only happens if a couple is living together. Clearly children’s services would have to be actively involved if your partner was to move in with you and your son in view of the concerns they have about him.

However, here are a few suggestions for you to consider if you do want to push for an assessment.

• You could ask the social worker to provide you with a copy of their policy about undertaking risks assessments of individuals who may pose a risk of sexual harm to children. You can ask them to clarify if this specifies what they do if the person they are worried about does not live in the family home and is not the child’s parent.
• You could put this in writing and ask for a response in writing too, with the social worker’s reasons and ask the social worker to clarify under what process this would/would not happen. As already mentioned be aware that your parenting and ability to protect would also need to be considered.

Runnermum16 rightly tells you to be open and honest about your relationship if you do decide you want to keep asking for this assessment and that you should work with everyone involved. You definitely should not do anything that would jeopardise your son’s safety or relationship with you.

If your son’s father is worried about your son because of your partner’s history then he might apply for your son to live with him permanently or want to put restrictions around contact. If he has parental responsibility then he could go to court for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) to ask the court to decide on who your son should live with and who he should spend time with. Unless there is evidence of domestic violence or child protection concerns you would be expected to have mediation first.

As Runnermum16 suggests you could get some legal advice about this. You can access free telephone advice about this from Child Law Advice or Rights of Women . You could discuss with a family solicitor too but please be aware that in most circumstances there is no legal aid available.

I would suggest that you weigh up all the issues carefully and base any decision on what is best for your son. This is what children’s services will do and also the court should they become involved.

If you would like to speak to an adviser please call our Freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366 Mon-Fri 9.30 – 3.00 pm. Or if you have a further query please do post again.

I hope this helps.

With best wishes

Suzie

Post Reply