Implications/Consequences of living with a SO

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Bungalee
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2018 11:09 am

Implications/Consequences of living with a SO

Post by Bungalee » Wed Oct 24, 2018 2:33 pm

Hi,

My ex-partner will soon be charged with IIOC (cat A images found). I am not considering taking him back (he is no longer living in the family home and relationship is over) but he is under the impression that he can live with us again when court case is all over. I need to explain to him why that can't and won't be happening. I need to be able to explain to him exactly why it can't happen.

What kind of life does a person lead living with someone on the register? What would be the implications to myself and my son.

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 129
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Implications/Consequences of living with a SO

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Wed Oct 24, 2018 4:08 pm

Hello

Might I signpost you in the direction of the boards - there you will find personal experiences from both perspectives. It will also give you an idea of what the future would look like if your ex partner lived with you.

I know this isn't what you have asked for specifically - hopefully it will give you a clearer picture.

I am sure those with firsthand personal experience will offer their own invaluable advise shortly...

Bungalee
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2018 11:09 am

Re: Implications/Consequences of living with a SO

Post by Bungalee » Wed Oct 24, 2018 5:54 pm

Sorry, didn’t realise it went into the wrong forum. Is there anyway to move to correct one as I really need advice on this issue. Thanks

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 129
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Implications/Consequences of living with a SO

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Wed Oct 24, 2018 9:58 pm

Hello

You are in the correct place - if you look at the previous questions asked by other members you will get a clear picture. If you look at the posts from the past 3 months you will find plenty on firsthand experiences. Just click on the title on the thread - most are self explanatory.

Suzie (FRG adviser) will give you information and answer your question.

In the meantime look through the posts of others. You will find many people who are or have experienced what you are going through right now. Your entire world has just been flipped upside down.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Implications/Consequences of living with a SO

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 29, 2018 5:31 pm

Bungalee wrote:Hi,

My ex-partner will soon be charged with IIOC (cat A images found). I am not considering taking him back (he is no longer living in the family home and relationship is over) but he is under the impression that he can live with us again when court case is all over. I need to explain to him why that can't and won't be happening. I need to be able to explain to him exactly why it can't happen.

What kind of life does a person lead living with someone on the register? What would be the implications to myself and my son.
Dear Bungalee

Thank you for posting on the parents’ discussion board and welcome.

You have decided that because your ex-partner has been charged with downloading indecent images of children that you will no longer be in a relationship with him and neither do you want him back in the family home.

If, as you say, he is your ex-partner why do you think he is under the impression that he will be back in your home after the court case.

I assume children’s services (the new name for social services) have been informed of his arrest as you have a child. You do not say whether your ex-partner is your son’s father. Have they been in contact with you?

Your ex-partner will be on the sex offender’s register if convicted and may even have to serve a term of imprisonment. Whether or not he can live with you will be a decision that you both have to make but being on the sex offenders’ register means that he is likely to have restrictions placed on him in relation to contact with children under 16 under a sexual harm prevention order( SHPO). It may be that he can see his own child supervised or other children provided their parents are made aware of his conviction.

It is likely that if he serves a sentence on release he will have to report to probation and if he were to live with you or any person with a child it would have to be reported to children’s services.

There are occasions where parents or partners say they wish to remain together and this would mean children’s services working with the family and assessing the risk to any children in the family. This will involve risk assessment of the sex offender to see the level or risk from high to low or no risk. The non-offending parent or partner would be assessed to see if they can be protective of the child to supervise contact or otherwise.

You may find it helpful to contact Lucy Faithfull Foundation on 0808 100 0900. They also provide a parents protect advice service. Barnados also provide advice and support in relation to sex offenders and their families. Your role in keeping your son safe is of very important.

In some instances, persons have decided to stay in a relationship but the offending partner has not interaction with the child. It will depend on the circumstances and what you want to happen. There would be a lot of hard work to do to get to the point where children’s services believe it is safe for your ex-partner to be around your son. If you decide to be with him then chldren’s service could decide that your son may need to be on a child protection plan. Please see our advice sheet Child protection procedures or Family support. The plan will depend on what level of risk is assessed.

From your post it seems that you do not want a relationship and you have to make it clear to your ex-partner that there is no chance of that happening. If he believes there is then, perhaps your message is not completely clear. If necessary you may have to seek an order from the court to keep him away from your home.

Your ex-partner should contact Stop It Now to get help about how to address his behaviour.

You may wish to speak to an adviser about this matter and, if so, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

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