Partner was previously on SOR advice required

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Advice-needed
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Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 7:14 pm

Partner was previously on SOR advice required

Post by Advice-needed » Thu Oct 18, 2018 4:06 pm

Dear All,
I am looking for some advice please, I recently received some nasty letters through my door advising that my partner was a sex offender. I was aware that there was an incident of Lewd behaviour for which he was placed on the SOR for 7 years. It was masturbation in front of a minor. He was open with me about the incident from the beginning, and I trust it will never happen again. They haven't been on SOR since 2014. These letters alleged that there was more to it so I went to the police with the letters and sought a disclosure with the backing of my partner as they wanted to prove they were being honest to me about the said incident and that there was no other hidden incidents as I was being lead to believe.
This is where my issue now begins, the report has come back with the one incident but has my partner classed as a "serious risk" to children. As I have a 2 year old child we have now been referred to social services. I don't know what will happen now. I am in love with this man.
I have always had a safety plan in place with regards to my daughters wellbeing, she has never once been left with him. If I am unwell or unable to care for her (due to illness) she goes to my parents who are retired. I have been open and honest with my family about his past and they like myself have been willing to give him a second chance so long as we put my daughter safety as our number one priority.
Will social services be happy with this level of safe guarding or will they want more? He is as I say no longer on SOR since 2014.

TIA a concerned mother.

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Partner was previously on SOR advice required

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Thu Oct 18, 2018 6:49 pm

Hello

Might I suggest you read some of the stories on this forum. This will give you an idea of what will happen next.

If the police check has come back stating he is a serious risk. Children's services (new name for SS) will be taking this view.

Can I ask if he has done any specific work or been on any courses?

I am sure there will be others along shortly with firsthand experience of this who will give you advice.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Partner was previously on SOR advice required

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Oct 19, 2018 11:42 am

Dear Advice-needed

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for posting.

Your partner was open with you about his history and the fact that he was on the sex offenders register so you were aware of what had happened in his past. However, whether maliciously or not, you had letters through your letterbox alerting you to this and very sensibly you made a request of the police which was proactive action on your part and may show that you want to safeguard your child. This request has revealed that your partner is considered to be ‘serious risk’ although only the incident of which you are aware came to light.

It is difficult to know, after the event, why your partner is a serious risk. It may be that he was not remorseful about his behaviour at the time or his responses to pre-sentence report indicated that he was likely to re-offend. Only your partner can explain this. What work if any did he do to address his behaviour as you have been asked by the poster who gave you a reply?

The issue for you now is that a referral will be made to children’s services because you have a child and your partner was a registered sex offender. The police has a duty in their role of safeguarding to make the referral. A social worker should make contact with you to arrange a meeting to discuss any concerns they have and whether they need to take any further action. Please read our advice sheet An introductory guide to Children’s Services which explain the procedures children’s services should follow when they receive a referral.

You already have safeguarding arrangements in place and your family is aware of your partner’s background which is a step in the right direction. It might be helpful for you to consider looking into further information about keeping your child safe and you may find it helpful to look at this website .

Once you have met with the social worker you will be clearer about what the expectations are as it is different for each family depending on their particular circumstances. It is likely that they may want to do a risk assessment of your partner because of how he has been described in the police disclosure. He may wish to consider making contact with the Lucy Faithfull Foundation on 0808 1000 900 as they advise on issues relating to sexual abuse and sex offenders.

The most important thing for you now is to be open and honest with children’s services and be willing to work with them so you can have the best outcome for your family.

You may wish to speak with an adviser on our free confidential advice line. The advice line can be reached on 0808 801 0366 and is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Advice-needed
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 7:14 pm

Re: Partner was previously on SOR advice required

Post by Advice-needed » Fri Oct 19, 2018 12:20 pm

Thank you both for taking the time to reply to me. As far as I am aware he didn't do any work or courses at the time the offence occurred.

Some further information I have, he was initially still allowed to stay with his partner at the time and his two children which they had together. This was under the condition that contact was supervised by his partner or her family. This was whilst he was still on SOR.

I will try and encourage him to contact Lucy Faithfull for advice. I want us to be as proactive as possible before the social worker actually contacts us. I've wrote up a four page document showing the steps we've already put in place up until this point.
I hope they do a risk assessment on him, although I know how much he struggles to talk to people.

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Partner was previously on SOR advice required

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Fri Oct 19, 2018 1:49 pm

Hello again,

Do you know who put these restrictions in place or whether CS were involved with your partner and his children from a previous relationship? I think this would be very useful for you to know as it will give you a clearer picture.

Also, there should be paperwork connected to whomever was involved in the past decision making process. I would imagine CS will have access to this. Your partner will be best placed to fill in the blanks. Hopefully this way you will not be faced with anything he has not previously shared with you.

Advice-needed
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 7:14 pm

Re: Partner was previously on SOR advice required

Post by Advice-needed » Fri Oct 19, 2018 2:26 pm

As far as I am aware it was child services who put these steps into place. I know they initially wanted to stop him having access with his child but they managed to convince them to allow him to stay in the family home.
Ultimately his inclusion on the SOR did lead to the breakdown of that relationship which I can understand as they were a couple in their early twenties with two children under two years old it must have been extremely difficult.

We are going to see the lawyer who dealt with the original court case on Tuesday to see if there is any further information available from the archives from their perspective which may assist us.

At the end of the day, I'm not holding out a lot of hope for them allowing us to continue the relationship. I will always put my daughter first but I'd like to show that I have done everything I can to put my daughter first in this situation when they come and talk to me. Although I have no idea as to the time frame for that yet.

Advice-needed
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 7:14 pm

Re: Partner was previously on SOR advice required

Post by Advice-needed » Tue Nov 20, 2018 3:13 pm

Hi All, I just thought I'd post an update as to how this all panned out. I had the initial child conference this morning. My child was placed on the child protection register for a minimum term of three months. They have to have no contact either direct or indirect with the person I was in a relationship with.
They have not made any demands on myself about whether or not I should end this relationship and are leaving it entirely up to myself. The vote actually was split as to whether my child should go on the register or not but ultimately they went with the majority. I understand their decision, the meeting isnt pleasant but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be.

My advice for anyone else in this position, work with child services they are there to help. If you disagree with something which is said. Tell them so, I did argue back a few points this morning and had a few of the risks discounted.

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