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loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2018 5:59 pm
by sunshineandrainbow
as with everyone my situation is complex
My children have been placed with their father by social services and i have signed a safety agreement for this to take place, I had to sign it as it would affect my job working with children.
the concerns mostly lie with my ex partner who had allegations of sexual abuse made against him by his ex wife and his girls, it was fully investigated then dropped due to lack of evidence and the effect it would have on his children.
when i first found out about the allegations and my children were on the child in need register i couldnt cope with it so i ended my relationship with my ex partner, as time went on we remained friends as we still had feelings for eachother, when the investigation was dropped i called social services to tell them i was seeing him again, to my astonishment they were still concerned about his involvement with the children and the manager told me a social worker would be in contac, they came out and saw the children a week later for all of 5 mins! we arranged another meeting and she never turned up, i text but had no reply, i thought that they werent concerned about the children.
my partner and i decided he would do a lie detector for the two allegations that the police and he passed, i know its not a legal document but it reasured me enough to let him see the children again and he did take my son to the park by himself.
my ex husband found out and made the refferal to social services.
there was an incident last year when my partner kicked my daughter and that was being investigated but nothing came of it as he was lying on the sofa because he had a bad leg and my daughter went to sit on him.. not the best response but was certainly not an agressive attack.
meanwhile my daughter is 9 and going through a pre teen stage, everthing I ask her to do is a problem and she says i am mean to her so she now wants to live with daddy.
my ex husband is manipulative and controlling, i dont want her growing up with his lies so will fight for her, but he is really capatalising on this.
the facts remain that there was no safety plan in place and i thought it was safe to continue contact.
i have put in for mediation so that i can take my ex husband to court, i have requested my data, made a complaint about social services, what can i do now? i was going to just pick them up from school one day as i have parental responsibility but how would this go down?
to be clear i have split from my partner and social services want me to complete a safeguarding asessement but they are dragging their heels, what can i do? feeling lost without them

Re: loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 12:23 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear sunshineandrainbow

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.

I can see that you are feeling lost and confused from your post about your current situation with children’s services involvement.
Your children have been placed in their father’s care because children’s services appear to have concerns about your ability to safeguard them. Due to the historical allegations of sexual abuse by the partner, children’s services will be concerned about your children’s safety.

The fact that the police did not pursue a criminal prosecution does not mean children’s services will accept this to mean that the allegations were unfounded. You should understand that children’s services and the police work to a different standard of proof and are looking at different aspect of a case like this.

The police want to have evidence that will lead to a prosecution and, in criminal cases, the burden of proof is beyond reasonable doubt. In civil case this is based on the balance of probability that is, is it more likely to have happened than not. Also, children’s services main concern is the welfare of the children and ensuring that they are safeguarded.

In your case, you separated from your partner at the beginning and this meant that children’s services could close the case because the children were not around your partner at the time so were safe. However, once the case closed, you rekindled your relationship and introduced him back into the children’s lives. This led to children’s services decision to revive the case. The concerns they had originally were still there as you were back in a relationship. It would have been better if you had waited for children’s services to complete the enquiries before allowing your partner to be around your children.

I understand what you say about children’s services not getting in touch but that was really not a reason to think that they were not concerned about the children. What children’s services may have decided is that you put your own needs before the children’s need to be safeguarded. Therefore, they do not at the moment consider you to be a protective parent.

You say that your partner kicked your daughter, this shows also that he has physically hurt her and your explanation does not justify his behaviour towards a child.

Do you think your daughter may be acting out because she is not happy about this man being back in her life especially someone who kicked her before.

You say there was no safety plan in place for your children but the expectation from children’s services is, I think, is for you as their mother to ensure their safety. I suggest that you work with children’s services with the proposed safeguarding assessment as they want to be sure you understand their concerns about your partner.

If you wish to be in a relationship with your partner, you should ask children’s services to carry out a risk assessment of your partner to identify the level of risk he poses to your children.

As you plan to make an application to the court for a child arrangement order for your children to be returned to your care, I think you should be aware that the court will ask children’s services to provide a report with their views about who the children should live with. This report is likely to mention the reason the children were removed from your care. The court’s main concern will be the children’s welfare.

You could collect the children from school. However, this would be against the terms of the agreement that you have signed with children’s services and would not be the best decision for you to make at this time. Were you to collect children from school children’s services could decide to make an application to the court for an emergency protection order and, if the order is granted, would mean children’s services has parental responsibility.

I suggest that you write to the social worker to chase up when the assessment will start. A copy of our advice sheet about child protection procedures is here for your information.

You may wish to contact Coram Children's Legal Centre on 0300 330 5480 for advice about making the application to have your children back in your care. This organisation advises on private law cases.

Hope this is helpful. However, should you wish to speak to an adviser about children’s services involvement, do telephone our free, confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes


Re: loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2018 11:47 pm
by Aberdeen 1
Am the same social workers took my wee boy who had everything was at school never missed a day always clean food in cupboards but I had a drug addiction but my boy never seen me doing drugs when I had the feeling I needed something my mum would take him I've been getting help but it's hard but I love my boy with all my heart but social worker placed him with one of his grandparents he's not on childprotection anymore but this social worker has broke up my family big time I never miss a meeting go to all contact once a week to see my boy they only have negative things to say never ever any the good site of me I go to meeting with people who have been on drugs and still using now and again my cpn is good but I had a meeting about my parenting skills which I had ti do for weeks at a contact centre and they said I was doing good then my mum phoned me and asked about meeting to see how things were coming on but she was upset as my samples have been more clean than dirty but social workers have posted my sample results to my ex and his mother who looks after my son till I get the help I need I phoned them and they said they have done nothing wrong this really upset my mum as she was getting fed back from my cpn saying am doing much better then my ex posted results to my mum on messenger my mum asked why
He was sending his drug results then he said that's your daughter's results my mum is so worried he will show other people am trying to get my life back together getting the help I need my mum told me he shouldn't have got a copy of this as this confidential stuff about my welfare are social workers allowed to show other people my medical papers because that's what they are some one help because my social worker always twist thing and words

Re: loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:51 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear Aberdeen1

Welcome to the parents discussion board and thank you for posting.

I am sorry that you and your mum are worried by children’s services (new name for social services) involvement and in particular disclosure of person information to a third party without your agreement.

From your user name I assume you are in Scotland and our advice remit does not cover the Scottish legal system. We advise in respect of the law in England and Wales. If you are in Scotland and concerned about disclosure you can make contact with the Information Commissioner’s Office Scotland. I think that because of data protection your information should not be disclosed and you may be able to make a complaint about the disclosure to children's services. Ask about their complaints policy.

For advice relating to children’s services involvement you may be able to get advice from Scottish Child Law Centre on 0131 666 6333 or Clan Child Law on 0808 129 0522.

If I have made the wrong assumption because of your username, please do post again.

Hope this is helpful to you.

Best wishes


Re: loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Posted: Sun Feb 02, 2020 10:17 pm
by Reyna
Do not trust social services they do not put the interest of the children first they are corrupt and will give the children to which ever parent they like better. If you take this to court yourself its private law and it is magistrates that hear the case not a family!y court judge and they will go with what ever the social worker says. The only way to get a case in front of a family!y court judge is to let Social Services take it court. If Social Services are advising you to take it to court they are steering you down a path you have no way of winning. They do not read your case they can't be bothered they just look at the section 7 report and go with what the SW says even if there is domestic violence involved and parent alienation . This private law process is corrupt and the practice needs stopping the child laws in this country are not fit for purpose and it needs a complete overall. Lobby your mp demand we have change in the laws .