loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2018 7:00 pm

loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Postby sunshineandrainbow » Wed Jan 24, 2018 5:59 pm

as with everyone my situation is complex
My children have been placed with their father by social services and i have signed a safety agreement for this to take place, I had to sign it as it would affect my job working with children.
the concerns mostly lie with my ex partner who had allegations of sexual abuse made against him by his ex wife and his girls, it was fully investigated then dropped due to lack of evidence and the effect it would have on his children.
when i first found out about the allegations and my children were on the child in need register i couldnt cope with it so i ended my relationship with my ex partner, as time went on we remained friends as we still had feelings for eachother, when the investigation was dropped i called social services to tell them i was seeing him again, to my astonishment they were still concerned about his involvement with the children and the manager told me a social worker would be in contac, they came out and saw the children a week later for all of 5 mins! we arranged another meeting and she never turned up, i text but had no reply, i thought that they werent concerned about the children.
my partner and i decided he would do a lie detector for the two allegations that the police and he passed, i know its not a legal document but it reasured me enough to let him see the children again and he did take my son to the park by himself.
my ex husband found out and made the refferal to social services.
there was an incident last year when my partner kicked my daughter and that was being investigated but nothing came of it as he was lying on the sofa because he had a bad leg and my daughter went to sit on him.. not the best response but was certainly not an agressive attack.
meanwhile my daughter is 9 and going through a pre teen stage, everthing I ask her to do is a problem and she says i am mean to her so she now wants to live with daddy.
my ex husband is manipulative and controlling, i dont want her growing up with his lies so will fight for her, but he is really capatalising on this.
the facts remain that there was no safety plan in place and i thought it was safe to continue contact.
i have put in for mediation so that i can take my ex husband to court, i have requested my data, made a complaint about social services, what can i do now? i was going to just pick them up from school one day as i have parental responsibility but how would this go down?
to be clear i have split from my partner and social services want me to complete a safeguarding asessement but they are dragging their heels, what can i do? feeling lost without them

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2088
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: loosing the will with social services and ex husband

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jan 31, 2018 12:23 pm

Dear sunshineandrainbow

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.

I can see that you are feeling lost and confused from your post about your current situation with children’s services involvement.
Your children have been placed in their father’s care because children’s services appear to have concerns about your ability to safeguard them. Due to the historical allegations of sexual abuse by the partner, children’s services will be concerned about your children’s safety.

The fact that the police did not pursue a criminal prosecution does not mean children’s services will accept this to mean that the allegations were unfounded. You should understand that children’s services and the police work to a different standard of proof and are looking at different aspect of a case like this.

The police want to have evidence that will lead to a prosecution and, in criminal cases, the burden of proof is beyond reasonable doubt. In civil case this is based on the balance of probability that is, is it more likely to have happened than not. Also, children’s services main concern is the welfare of the children and ensuring that they are safeguarded.

In your case, you separated from your partner at the beginning and this meant that children’s services could close the case because the children were not around your partner at the time so were safe. However, once the case closed, you rekindled your relationship and introduced him back into the children’s lives. This led to children’s services decision to revive the case. The concerns they had originally were still there as you were back in a relationship. It would have been better if you had waited for children’s services to complete the enquiries before allowing your partner to be around your children.

I understand what you say about children’s services not getting in touch but that was really not a reason to think that they were not concerned about the children. What children’s services may have decided is that you put your own needs before the children’s need to be safeguarded. Therefore, they do not at the moment consider you to be a protective parent.

You say that your partner kicked your daughter, this shows also that he has physically hurt her and your explanation does not justify his behaviour towards a child.

Do you think your daughter may be acting out because she is not happy about this man being back in her life especially someone who kicked her before.

You say there was no safety plan in place for your children but the expectation from children’s services is, I think, is for you as their mother to ensure their safety. I suggest that you work with children’s services with the proposed safeguarding assessment as they want to be sure you understand their concerns about your partner.

If you wish to be in a relationship with your partner, you should ask children’s services to carry out a risk assessment of your partner to identify the level of risk he poses to your children.

As you plan to make an application to the court for a child arrangement order for your children to be returned to your care, I think you should be aware that the court will ask children’s services to provide a report with their views about who the children should live with. This report is likely to mention the reason the children were removed from your care. The court’s main concern will be the children’s welfare.

You could collect the children from school. However, this would be against the terms of the agreement that you have signed with children’s services and would not be the best decision for you to make at this time. Were you to collect children from school children’s services could decide to make an application to the court for an emergency protection order and, if the order is granted, would mean children’s services has parental responsibility.

I suggest that you write to the social worker to chase up when the assessment will start. A copy of our advice sheet about child protection procedures is here for your information.

You may wish to contact Coram Children's Legal Centre on 0300 330 5480 for advice about making the application to have your children back in your care. This organisation advises on private law cases.

Hope this is helpful. However, should you wish to speak to an adviser about children’s services involvement, do telephone our free, confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes


Return to “Welcome and rules of use”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest