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Feeling intimitated

Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 1:05 am
by j64
I have been assigned a social worker 3 weeks ago because my son 3 years ago met a girl while on holiday with me he was a immature 18 year old and turned out this girl was only 14 although she told him she was 16 he got charged in march for sending an indecent image to her this girl wasnt innocent in any way as just before he was arrested she had a pregnancy test not with him as he has never had sex with her, waiting for his sentencing which will be next friday as he pleaded guilty he was put on sex offenders 4 weeks ago and as i have a 13 year old daughter living at home he has moved out to his nannas who is currently in hospital very poorly. I was told by police there would be a social worker phoning me, 5 days later they just turned up at door when i was going to visit my mam in hospital i got totally stressed out as i have been caring for my mam who has been really poorly since january and my house was totally neglected as my husband works away from home and only comes home twice a month for 2 days. i admit it was a mess. I started pulling rooms apart as they did say if no improvements were made then they would look at other care for my daughter im 53 year old and have brought 4 kids up my eldest being 27 never before had anything to do with social workers, i feel humiliated and intimidated by them, after 1st visit i have waited 3 weeks for them to show up and i was out but daughter was in, when she opened door they asked if they could enter she didnt know what to do so said yes then asked if they could look round house went into her room as the 1st time it was a typical teenagers bedroom wires clothes and rubbish, they said they wouldnt go into my room as that was invading my privacy when i wasnt there (too late for that) they asked her questions have you had contact with your brother have you seen your brother when did you last have contact with him all of which since we were told no contact that is what we have kept to, they could have phoned me to ask permission as they keep saying she is only 13 she cant do housework or keep her own bedroom tidy as she is 13 and its up to me. The next day they showed up to see me and brought assistant manager with her, she had done a contract which im to sign and were supposed to pick it up today at 4 pm i sat and waited an hour and half waiting then went out to visit my mam. The contract is saying my daughter cant go to her nannas where he is residing,hes not allowed to enter my home and she cant have any contact with him, i was told by police that he could come to see us as long as daughter was at school or sleeping out. I have to make sure all rooms are improved which is fair enough but all this is through trying to get some contact with brother and sister . One point on the contract was daughters emotional state she was always so happy smiling and full of joy and since this she is worried she is going to get took into care my daughter and i are really close best friends and she can see im stressed out over everything thats going on and worried they are going into her school the only emotional state is due to them. I feel as though my privacy has been invaded my house is not my home anymore im constantly cleaning (which isnt a bad thing) daughter is hoovering her bedroom twice a day any advice very much appreciated

Re: Feeling intimitated

Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 2:31 am
by Ignatious

Firstly, let me say I'm sorry to hear your having such a bad time with Children's Services. I can completely sympathise with your situation. Having read your story it is not clear what stage you are at with Children's Services. Are you currently on a child protection plan?, if not have they arranged an initial child protection **conference?. Or, on there 1st visit did they state why they were there? (A section 47?). Knowing what stage their involvement is will help clarify the situation and how best to advise.

Being a parent myself, I am EXTREEMLY alarmed at the fact they turned up whilst you were out, your daughter at home. What's really concerning me is personally, I would have thought upon your daughter opening the door, they would have / should have asked "are your parents home?" I feel it is totally inappropriate for them to have asked for entry into your house at that time knowing you were not at home. I find it extremely alarming they had a look around your property without your permission. I would argue that a 13 year old has no authority to grant such a request. And I find it alarming also that they questioned your daughter in your absence.

Whereby I am aware they can speak to your child without your permission, it is usually good practice to inform parent before hand. Personally, and this is my own opinion, I feel the circumstances in this case they didn't need to speak to your daughter alone and shouldn't have without you present or without your permission.

I would like to point out it is strongly recommended you continue to work with Children's Services as you want to be seen to be working with them. But, this doesn't mean you cant seek other avenues to address the concerns.

In relation to the 'Contract', This is standard practice. From their point of view, your Son is a concern as he's himself pleaded guilty to an offence and been placed on sex offenders. Basically your daughter and your son are not allowed to come into contact. Not knowing the situation on the ground as it is, not the legalities, You could try speaking to the Children's Social Worker to see what needs to take place in order for contact between siblings resumes. What does your daughter want to do? Does she want continued contact? This 'contract' seems to be something the local authority want in place in order to safeguard your daughter. Have they asked her what she wants?

If you need any further advice, I'm sure your reply back. I hope I've been helpful.

Amended by Suzie

Re: Feeling intimitated

Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 9:28 am
by j64
Hi Iggy
They were involved by the police over son just being put on sex offenders and the police told me it was to arrange supervised contact between both siblings. No child protection plan or arranged initial child protection hearing. If the home isnt cleaned up and kept on top off then they will go to LA to see what steps can be taken. I know my house was a mess but my daughter is fit healthy and clean her clothes are washed she showers every day and is a star pupil at school. So far i have gutted kitchen and dining room and front room, i have upstairs to go yet but will have more time in a week as i work in a school kitchen so will be off for a week plus my husband will be home for few days to help with heavy stuff. I am willing to work with them its just some of the things they have done upsets me by coming into my home while im not there. They asked if i was home and my daughter said that i had to go out and would be back in an hour and still asked if they could come in and look round house. My daughter would like some contact as all my kids are very close and they are all standing by son. My mam was taken into hospital again last monday seriously poorly with very low oxygen and really low bp i have told social workers that i have to go visit my mam in hospital abt 5pm as i cant visit during day due to working, but they always seem to turn up abt that time im due to go out. When i told assistant manager and my social worker that i didnt agree over them putting daughter on the spot over entering home knowing i wasnt in they just said well we asked her if it was okay and she said yes i have said well sorry but in future she wont be answering door for her safety or letting you in while im not available . My eldest daughter has now got a social worker as well for my 5 year old granddaughter so my son can do supervised contact hers was all done within a week (she is in different LA) she lives 6 mile away and her SW phones her to arrange when she can come round mine just turn up on spot when they decide to come. Its the emotional state that they put down abt my daughter when she is still a happy go lucky child always smiling i have asked her how she feels and she says she doesnt feel emotional state at all and laughs abt it. All my children are so open with me and know i am there to protect them, listen to them and help them with any problems and they always come to me.. They did ask my daughter when they entered home who she talks to abt any problems she replied my mam, no if you had a problem that you couldnt talk to your mam abt who would you talk to she replied my older sister if that was the case but i dont have any problems that i cant talk to my mam abt. I feel they are trying to break me to say im unstable im going to hold my head high and not break get my house sorted and hopefully get it all over with so our life can get back on track

Re: Feeling intimitated

Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 10:55 am
by Ignatious
I'm a parent who is currently on a child protection plan,.. this families second I might add. I am very much aware of good and bad practice. I genuinely feel the attitude and conduct of the children's social workers was wrong, and borderline criminal.

I'm pleased you've since had a conversation with your daughter about opening the door to people. *** Yes, the social workers asked if they could enter, but this is a 13 year old. I presume she does not own or is responsible for the property. For the social workers to take advantage of a child, at home, alone personally I feel this is / was an abuse of their authority. Did they even show her ID badges or just state the fact they were social workers. You are not subject to child protection procedures, as you've not stated as such, not even under Section 47 enquiries. It seems to me their authority is severely limited and one they clearly overstepped. Your daughter informed them you were out, you would be back in an hour, they should have gone away and came back later.

In your original post, you stated you felt intimidated. Social Workers do tend to have that effect. I myself am not easily intimidated and stand up to my social workers. This often has the perception I'm deemed confrontational. Maybe so, but I will not stand by and allow the local authority to interfere and overstep there remit and hold them to account for their actions.

Unless there are genuine concerns about safety or welfare regarding any child, I've not known children's services to make weekend calls so you should be fine over the weekend. If you have any further concerns, feel free to post. I'm sure 'Suzie', the sites advisor will reply after the weekend.
***amended by Suzie. Police can enter a home in an emergency, to save life or limb, without a warrant as well as under the police protection rules.

Re: Feeling intimitated

Posted: Mon May 22, 2017 3:00 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear J64

Welcome to the Parents Forum,
I can see that due to your son’s name being placed on the sex offenders register, children services are carrying out an assessment of your family to see whether your 13 year old daughter is safe.
A social worker assessment, usually involves looking at your daughter’s needs, your ability to meet all her needs including protecting her from harm, the environment you live in and your family support.
It should be balanced-including all the positive things you have mentioned about your family as well as any concerns. Ask for a copy.
During the assessment the social worker would be expected to speak to your daughter alone, speak to anyone involved with your daughter such as the school and GP.
The general rule is, they should seek your consent to do all of this, unless it might cause your daughter harm to do so, or your daughter is old enough to consent herself.
If you refused to cooperate, in child protection cases, the social worker may be able to overrule you and speak to professionals and your daughter without your consent.
But I can see in your case, you have been fully cooperative with children services.
If your daughter had been assessed as being old enough and competent enough to make her own decisions, then she could have let the social worker into her home.
However, if not, I think they went beyond their authority.
(Given they do not think your daughter is old enough to tidy her room, I don’t know how they can argue she is old enough to let them into your home).
Children services intervention needs to be proportionate-so in line with the Human Rights Act.
This applies to the visits as well. Although it is common to monitor whether a child is being protected from a potential abuser by doing some unannounced visits, other visits should be agreed with you.
You are worried that the social worker is asking about who your daughter talks to, if she has a problem. If your daughter had suffered any abuse from your son, could she have told you? Given you are his mother as well, it may be difficult for some children to make disclosures to parents. So do not take it personally.
You seem to be doing everything you can to cooperate in difficult circumstances
I think you could go back to the social worker about the contract. It sounds like it is a basic one that protects but nothing else.
There is nothing there about contact being assessed or you or someone else supervising sibling contact.
• What needs to happen for contact between your children to take place?
• Can you be assessed to supervise it in your home? Or someone else?
• Is there a date for when the contract will be reviewed?
• What protective courses could your family do? (your daughter could do self- protection work, for example?)
You could contact Just stop it now helpline and website for advice and support.
I hope this helps but if you have any questions, please post again or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,

Re: Feeling intimitated

Posted: Tue May 23, 2017 12:01 pm
by j64
Since all this has happened i suddenly lost my mam on sunday my husband came straight home from scotland and he phoned social worker and left message yesterday to let her know my mam had passed away and could she please call back this isnt the first time we have phoned and got no return call back, Also they were supposed to turn up last friday at 4 to collect the contract and got no call to say she couldnt make it at this moment in time i dont want them turning up invading my privacy with my family

Re: Feeling intimitated

Posted: Tue May 23, 2017 12:34 pm
by Ignatious

My condolences on your loss.

I know you've tried to phone your social worker. You could try emailing. I honestly don't know if this would work but possibly give it a try. I would imagine it would be pretty much standard practice across the industry but my social workers email would be :-

so for example joe.bloggs@<county>

If it works, at least then you have proof you've contacted. Hope this helps