Giving away PR

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Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 7:03 pm

Giving away PR

Post by Tandy1 » Wed Nov 04, 2015 7:33 pm

I hope you can help

I used to be a supported lodging provider for an 18 year old. While she lived with me she had a baby, who is now 1 years old. She left me for a few months to live back with her mum, as the boyfriend's mother was continually bullying and harrassing her in order to wreck her confidence at being a mother as boyfriend's parents want custody of the baby. At this point the child was put on the child protection register. A few things happened which should not have - not with her immediate care of the baby but more to do with her need to be out with her friends - and she took the baby with her, which boyfriend's mum continually told social services about and called the police about her (partly bacause they want custody but also there is an ongoing rape allegation that the police ar looking into relating to my young person and her boyfriend - he raped her while she was pregnant). She also has had post natal depression. Her relationship with her mum broke down and she felt that she was struggling to care for the baby so the boyfriend's mother took the baby with social serevice agreement. The young person came back to live with me - now not supported lodgings as she no longer qualifies, but I am caring for her anyway.

Because of the things that have happened, she is not allowed to be on her own with the baby, and currently the only people who have been assessed to be the supervising adult are the boyfriend's parents. Becasue of this, she was only getting to see the baby once a week for an hour supervised by a social worker and so she was rapidly losing a bond with the baby. Since she has been back living with me, I have arranged for 3x 2 hour contact sessions at my house a week, and boyfriend's mother comes too to supervise. These sessions are very stressful as the woman emotionally manipulates my young person and there is lack of trust all round. The sessions have gone well and she gets to feed the baby and so on.

Last week was a child protection conference which basically turned into a kangaroo court against my young person. I have attended all of the contact seessions at my house as I hoped that would prevent boyfriend's mum from making things up, however, it didn't and she claimed that my young person is not engaged with her baby and leaves her unsupervised and allows the child to plan with dangerous things - this is not true. There were also lots of comments made about unfounded things eg had my young person engaged with mental health services since she was back with me - she hasn't, and that was minuted even though no one has any evidence that she needs these services - it is trial by supoposition

The Chair said that he wanted stability for the baby and therefore PR should be given to boyfriend's mum and dad. This would means that all decisions would be 3 (grandparents plus father - who isn't involved in the baby's life) against 1and my young person would be overruled on everything. She would be totally at their mercy to get any contact or get the baby back in the future. The woman is emotioanlly manipulative already and would not help her to contimue to build her bond back up with the baby as it is in their interests that she doesn't have one, as they want the baby. I tried to argue her corner at the meeting but was just told by boyfriend's mother that I was a liar. I have asked for social services to assess me as a supervising adult and to assess our home to prove it is safe (they were happy enough with the baby living with me when she was born) and I have asked for social workers to come and observe the contact to prove that she does have a bond with the baby and plays with her in an appropriate way

I am concered that PR is going to be given to the grandparents in the name of stability, without my young person's intensions ever getting a hearing eg she wants to build up her relationship with the baby so that she can have overnight stays etc so there is consistency when she feels ready to take her back. At the moment the grandparent's have the baby as a private arrangementk, but if that gets to be a formal one, I can see that she will never get the baby back and all of the positive things that she has been doing for the baby and for herself (back on college full time, sorting out her health and so on) will never even get a mention

Any help would be appreciated

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Giving away PR

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Nov 05, 2015 5:53 pm

Dear Tandy1

Welcome to the parents' discussion board. My name is Suzie, one of FRG's online advisers.

I am sorry that you are struggling to cope with the current professional involvement in respect of your ex lodger. You state that her baby is subject to a child protection plan and is currently placed with paternal grandparents.

It is clear that you have over time developed a meaningful attachment with the young person and are making every attempt to support her baby's potential return back to her mother's care. For this reason you have stated a wish to advocate for the mother to demonstrate her ability to safely prioritise her baby's needs.

Can I suggest the mother requests a family group conference is held so that she can participate in making safe long term plans for her baby's care along with members of the extended family, friends or neighbours within her support network.

As part of the child protection plan you may wish to discuss your intention to be assessed as a permanent carer for the baby if it was decided she could not keep the baby safe. You would also be advised to put this in writing to the social worker and copy in the team manager.

In view of the complex circumstances involving your ex-lodger's situation, can I suggest she seeks legal advice from an independent Childrens' Solicitor. She could also contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.

Best Wishes


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