Feeling frustrated

[Their mum]

Hello everyone

Today i was supposed to go to a meeting re my son's Pathway Plan, but it was cancelled due to sw calling in sick (I bet she called in sick because she hadn't completed plan). There's meant to be a care plan meeting for my younger son tomorrow morning, but when I rang children's services to find out if it was on, all they could say was to ring at 9.00 tomorrow to find out. That would mean that I can't get to meeting before 11.00 due to transport. It's at school, which obviously makes rearranging for later in the day very difficult because of teachers' commitments. It seems to me that social workers don't care about anyone else involved with children other than themselves.

I'm actually very worried about my sons. They are well looked after by their "family and friends" carers, but I think that their views aren't being truly taken into consideration. Surely the child's own views and feelings are supposed to be the first consideration, providing that they wouldn't put themselves in danger. My eldest son is 16 now and under normal circumstances would be allowed to take his own path with regards to his future, but because he is autistic, social services say that he doesn't know what he wants! But he DOES know what he wants, and can make it very clear what he wants. I and his birth family think that social services only see the autism, not the person. Since he has been diagnosed, we have been told "because he is autistic, he won't be able to do ..." But he was doing those things, such as going to the local shop on his own or meeting his schoolfriends, until he was taken away.

Social worker has been saying that my children don't want to see me or my parents. We find that hard to believe, because the children are always very warm towards us. We appreciate that teenagers want to live their own lives and not necessarily want to come to contact every week, but we suspect that they are being manipulated by social worker. For instance, she has told me that they don't want to see me as much, but when I see them there is no indication of this at all. The sw says that the children don't want to upset me and my family by saying that they don't want to see us, but when the children are with us, nobody can see any signs that the children aren't happy.

Now that they are coming up to the age when they can decide their own future, I'm just wondering if social services are afraid they won't want to stay with foster carers and therefore are making things more difficult for us as their birth family. I think my eldest would like to live with his grandparents, but they have already said they can't hsve him due to difficulties associated with their age (they're in their late 70s).

I'm willing to have either or both (preferably both) boys to live with me, but social services just won't have it. When they were taken, I had severe depression and delusions, from which I have recovered, but they keep saying I might go back to how I was then. There is no way that I would behave like that again, but they don't believe me. I'm feeling very frustrated, both for myself and my sons. Things have changed a great deal since those days.

Can anyone help?


Is there anything I can do to make sure my children have their genuine views listened to at care planning or care review meetings? They don't seem to be aware of advocacy or that fact that they should meet with the IRO privately before meetings.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Their mum

Welcome to the parents' discussion board. My name is Suzie, one of FRG's online advisers.

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing difficulties due to Children's Services involvement with your children in respect of the Looked After Review planning process. Under normal circumstances, the Independent Reviewing Officer will visit your children at their placement in between Looked After Review meetings and ensure that their comments are obtained view their consultation forms.

It is not clear in the information in your post what your children's legal status is at this time. Are they on care orders or are they placed in voluntary care section 20 Children Act and if the Local Authority share parental responsibility at this time?

In respect of trying to identify advocacy support services you may find it helpful to refer to link to the NAS (National Autistic Society) which may be able to direct you towards more local advice and support to improve your children's participation in decision making for their future care.

You may wish to respond with more information about the legal status so that I will provide more detailed response to you.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes


Suzie