Problem with Childrens Services

[gaz999]

Just looking for advice here.

To briefly outline the circumstances my children have been placed with me as it was deemed that their mother was unfit to care for them, as a result of this and that the original view was to return the children to her in due course provided she met certain criteria, I have since met someone whose child is also under protection due to her returning with the child to a violent relationship which resulted in neglect.

We have both informed our respective workers of the situation so that everything is as open as can be, she has on occasions looked after mine for me and vice versa so that we can carry out every day tasks without the need to take the children everywhere.

Following a discussion with my worker it was agreed that this would no longer happen and that either I, an agreed carer (as I work full time) or their mother would need to be present were she to be at my house.

I attended their core group meeting yesterday as there were a number of issues being raised where I was the subject ie them looking after my children, I have assured them that at any given point there would be someone with authority over the children present, subsequently today their worker along with another have attended 'to carry out an unannounced visit, stating that as they work for the same team and my worker was on leave she was able to do this even after he had been out this Monday' knowing full well I was at work, my partner was at that point still at my property due to me having only recently left for work when my carer arrived. The then gained the permission from my carer to enter and took one of my children into a room for questioning (To my understanding and from what my worker has told me previously they are not allowed to enter or speak with my children alone without my permission, and should I refuse they would have to go away and seek an order) when all it would have taken was a phone call and I would have said yes fine, can you wait the half hour it took me to get back so that I am present when you enter so that I was fully aware of who was visiting my property and children plus the reason.

They are now stating even though I pose no risk to any children (I am the protective element of mine and have a clear CRB) that I am not allowed to stay with her or vice versa but we are both free to attend each others during the day/evening whilst the other is there, even though suitable care is provided for either mine or her child in that event and are proposing a written agreement between ourselves and them to state that this will not happen.

| would like a bit of guidance here firstly are my assumptions correct regarding their actions being a breach of something?

Are they allowed to state with no good reason that we are not allowed to stop over night with each other?

I ask as one of the elements of my plan is that I get one night a week respite which I have been taking over hers and hers states that as long as her son is in the care of an appropriate adult she is able to come over to mine (something which they have now told her she can't do arguing what would she do if she lived alone) even though she either brings him with her or get a relative to look after him, which my worker has stated is perfectly fine.

Any advice would be very helpful at this point as it has been quite a stressing time for both as it is without children's services proposing unreasonable demands under threat of taking legal action against her when I am trying to help and support her with all aspects that they say she needs to improve upon.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear gaz999

Welcome to the parent's discussion board.

You are correct in beliveing that as a parent with parental responsibility your permission should have been sought in advance of speaking to your children.

Perhaps it would be helpful to enter into an arrangement with your carer, how, when and under what circumstances you should be contacted to avoid any future misunderstandings. If she felt in any way coerced into making this decision, well that would be a different issue and you would have a right to consider making a formal complaint .

Unfortunately, if the designated adult caring for your children at the time gave her consent, I am not sure what action you can take retrospectively, short of seeking legal advice.

In an attempt to answer some of your queries I am attaching a copy of our parental responsiblity advice sheet, for your information.

Just one final point, as part of the child protection plan it may be helpful to request a meeting with Children's Services and their mother to clarify and draw up a contact agreement so all parties are clear about what is expected. Ask for minutes to be taken and when you can expect to receive these.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[gaz999]

thanks for the reply, I have drafted an agreement at my workers request setting this out, they have disregarded this and have jointly with my new partners worker created one stating that she is not allowed to be in my home whilst my children are present and vice versa (makes me wonder whether they were saying they were happy with things whilst devising an alternative plan)..this seems to me to be a way around directly breaching mine and her right to a private and family life without categorically stating so in writing, however I have verbally been told that if I do not discontinue this relationship then legal proceedings will be taken to remove my children from me as she poses a risk to them due to her, herself being subject to CPP, even though when my childrens mother questioned would her partner be deemed to be placing his children in possible harm (as she has had our children removed from her care placed into mine), should he have any they stated quite clearly 'NO dear because yours were only taken off you for being unable to keep your home in an acceptable standard, for children to reside in... she is on protection because she is a bad mother and has endangered her son by going back to a violent relationship' both plans clearly state due to NEGLECT.

This does not sit well with me as this is clearly demonstrating double standards, neither does his refusal to acknowledge my verbal complaint about his colleagues actions instead insisting that I take it up with his manager as they are colleagues and he could be seen as advising me to make the complaint against her.

Again any help would be greatly appreciated

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Gaz999

Can I suggest you consider getting legal advice from an independent children's solicitor at www.lawsociety.org.uk.

Best Wishes

Suzie