PLEASE CAN ANYONE ADVICE ME???

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phoenixleigh
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2013 12:14 pm

PLEASE CAN ANYONE ADVICE ME???

Post by phoenixleigh » Tue Nov 12, 2013 11:26 pm

SIGH, WHERE TO START....

In 2009 I had my oldest child removed from my care into their father's, now almost 5 years later I do accept fault that I should have safeguarded them better and my care was lacking, however SS have tried to say I have caused my child to have a dis-attachment disorder and since this time my child has actually been diagnosed autistic TWICE

yet received NO help for autism.

In the meantime I had another child with another man, as things were looking better with myself seeking help for depression and this child's father agreeing to be main carer we were allowed custody. However during this time we got a new social worker.

While this was happening my first child - who had since being removed from MY care to their fathers (remember different fathers) was now being suspected of emotional and even sexual abuse at their father's hands and was put on an ICO for foster care. Things between me and this child were a lot more positive, I was allowed daily and overnight unsupervised access.

However when they went into care everything changed thanks to new social worker, despite oldest child going into care as to concerns to father - not me - my contact went to twice weekly supervised. I was also only allowed to be unsupervised for my newborn baby for TWO HOURS AT A TIME. This was meant to be precautionary. Yet it went on for 8 months meaning my baby's father had to give up socialising and work.

This led to him being frustrated and he began to be abusive towards me and our baby.

I told my solicitors about this and eventually it escalated that I told a local children's centre who in turn told social services.

In July 2012 it got so bad we split up. He was sent to a friends to 'calm down' but I did not want to reconcile with him again, previously this had happened as I was told without him I would lose my baby. This time social services left me alone with my baby for TEN WHOLE DAYS UNSUPERVISED AND THERE WERE NO CONCERNS.

Then the social worker went behind my back when I told them I did not want to get back with my babies father and they helped HIM get a residency order.

After still getting abuse I refereed myself into a womens refuge till in Aug 2012 when I managed to acquire a small flat. Contact was then 3 times a week unsupervised. Again no concerns only historical ones relating to my oldest child.

We went through court and as my flat was very small and full of damp and the child's father was moving out of town 50 miles away it was agreed contact would happen twice monthly.

I have kept to this yet he has not.

I now find myself 6 months pregnant in and now in a 2 bed house. I work within a charity helping women. I have completed 5 courses in safeguarding and awareness of abuse and neglect. I am hoping to train to be a counsellor after my baby is old enough for childcare. I am already bonding with this child and working with a different local authority though they have liaised with the original one I am scared of what will happen. I have never been assessed as a sole carer. I have a history of drug misuse but been clean for 2 years,. I no longer suffer with depression.

Now the father of my second child is refusing me overnight access... we were in court recently where I have managed to prove the social worker a lier, they said I never reported ANY abuse, I now have a copy of a disclosure where it shows not only DID I disclose it but THAT SAME SW gave me 'a safe place to stay with child'.

My ex is also been texting me today saying he is going to use my first child against me in court yet I have proof that child is in care due to concerns with father, all concerns with myself are historical, all contact a year since BEFORE they even went into care is positive. and THAT child's father has not seen them for a year which shows how that child is - as my ex puts - 'damaged'. I have also proof where this ex states he wants to work towards overnight access, all of a sudden he wants to stop it for no reason despite the fact I now have a suitable home, in fact I have a spare bedroom all set up for overnight contact! The court order from May this year says 'both parents wish to work towards overnight contact once the mother has a suitable home' and suddenly he's changed his mind!

He also states if I 'harass' him (ie reply to texts he sent me first) he will contest ALL contact - I have PR - surely this can't happen??

All I want is to put the past behind me and move forward for the sake of all of my children and show the world I am a loving and capable mother.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions pls pls pls pls reply to this post or message me, it would be GREATLY appreciated xxxxxxxx

PHOENIX XXXXX

dorisday
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:44 pm

Re: PLEASE CAN ANYONE ADVICE ME???

Post by dorisday » Wed Nov 13, 2013 10:57 am

HI THERE IM 39 YEARS OLD A MOTHER OF 2 GIRLS. LAST YEAR I TOOK THE STEP TO LEAVE MY VIOLENT PARTNER WHO HAD HIT ME IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN AND BROKE IN MY HOUSE AND SMASHED IT UP AND THE POLICE WHERE CALLED. I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF WORKING WITH WOMENS AID FOR THIS. WHICH I HAD THE BACKING OF MY FAMILY. 15 YEARS AGO MY MOTHER WAS INFATUATED WITH A MAN I HAD BEEN SEEING FOR 10 YEARS HE DIDNT FEEL THE SAME ABOUT HER SO SHE WAS LEFT DEVASTATED AND HURT. IN MARCH THIS YEAR I INFORMED MY OWN MOTHER THAT I HAD RESTARTED MY PARTNER WITH MY PARTNER FROM MANY YEARS AGO AND THEN RANG SOCIAL SERVICES WHO BY THE WAY HAS NEVER HAD ANY INVOLVEMENT WITH ME OR MY CHILDREN EVER TO TELL THEM MY MOTHER WOULD BE IN TOUCH AND WOULD SAY IM AN UNFIT MOTHER WHICH SHE DID. THEY ASSURED ME THAT NO ONE WOULD EVER JUST COME IN AND TAKE MY KIDS. mY EX PARTNER WHO WAS VIOLENT TURNED UP AT MY HOUSE ABUSING ME ALONG WITH HIS ENTOURAGE MY MOTHER HER PARTNER AND 6 OF THERE FRIENDS. I THEN CALLED THE POLICE AS I HAS DONE ON MANY OCCASIONS AS MY MOTHERS PARTNER HAD MADE THREATS TO KILL AND HAD BEEN ARRESTED AND SERVED A HARRASSMENT WARNING AND SHOULDNT HAVE EVEN BEEN OUTSIDE MY PROPERTY. THE POLICE ARRIVED I INFORMED THEM OF THE HARRASEMENT NOTICE INSTEAD OF ASKING HIM TO LEAVE THEY MADE ME AND MY PARTNER TO GO IN THE HOUSE AND THEN MY MOTHER GOT MY 10 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO WRITE A STATEMENT SAYING I HAD BEAT HER UP. NEXT THING I KNOW MY 2 KIDS WERE TOOK AND THE ELDEST PUT UNDER POLICE PROTECTION FOR 72 HOURS AND TAKEN TO MY MOTHERS AGAINST MY WISHES AS SHE HAD ALREADY INFORMED ME THAT IF I CARRIED ON MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MAN THAT SHE WAS INFATUATED WITH THEN SHE WOULD DESTROY ME. AFTER THE 72 HOURS THE POLICE AND SOCIAL HAD DONE THERE REPORTS AND FOUND THE ALLEGATION UNFOUNDED BUT NO NONE WOULD COME WITH MY TO COLLECT MY KIDS SO THAT GAVE MY MOTHER TIME TO GO TO COURT AND GET A TEMPORARY INTRIM ORDER. MY CHILDREN ARE NOW THERE TEMP UNTILL WE RETURN TO COURT IN DECEMBER.SOCIAL SET UP A CONTACT ORDER AND NOW SHE HAS BROKE THAT AND IM NOT SEEING MY CHILDREN AT ALL. I WOULD LIKE SOME ADVICE AS THE SOCIAL ARE BACKING ME ON HAVING THE GIRLS RETURN TO ME BUT AT THE SAME TIME I STILL HAVE PARENTAL GUARDIAN SHIP BUT CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I DO NOT HAVE ANY SAY OVER MY CHILDREN OR IF AND WHEN I SEE THEM IM AT MY WITS END

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