2nd child protection meeting this week.

[Mum849]

Hi
Need some help or advice as my solicitor is of no help.
Myself and my 4 children were told to move to a woman's refuge on 1st Feb 2013 ,due to a domestic violence attack by my partner.We are still at refuge.The Social services said at time if I didn't move out the kids would be taken into care.My partner of 10 years was arrested for 3 accounts of domestic violence towards me.He was charged and now I have a court order for no contact with him until end of Sept 2013.
I have attended 1 previous Child protection meeting and my 4 children were placed on a emotional abuse order.Unfortunately I was a wreck when I attended this meeting and didn't take in all that was happening.I have since read the report and it upsets me to see that I cannot reunite with my partner.A short summary of my life over the last year.My mum died in May of last year ,previous 6 months before that my dad died.I have been finding it hard to come to terms with their deaths.My family have in between lost to cancer 3 of my relatives and a very close aunt on my partners side.So things have been very emotional.I don't forgive my partner for what he has done,but someone has to understand that there was a he'll of a lot going on in our lives.
I have asked social that in the long run I want our family to reunite,as I desperately need my partners companionship .
I have done what social services asked me to do at last meeting.Moved out of home,put kids into schools,attended Domestic violence courses,had no contact with partner.
Unfortunately all my kids and I want to do is to move home and be a family again.Social services will not allow this as they see my house as a danger.My partner is saying I am unbalanced and did the wounds that I received myself. I have asked social services to call a meeting so that I can sit with my partner and find out why he is saying this and to ask him to think about us as family.I have not heard whether this meeting will take place.
Social services told me this refuge was a safe place but recently 3 residents were evicted for cannabis use and selling also 1 resident was a prostitute and doing her business here.
Because refuge have said they have handled the situation the social have allowed me and my kids to live in this unsafe environment.After all the social are suppose to protect the kids welfare.we would have been safer at home.
My questions are what rights do I have in reuniting my family.?I am not saying right away but in the long run.Will the social take my kids if I return home? I have been told that if I make any contact with my partner then I am thinking of myself not my kids .My kids WANT to be home too
How do I get a voice,when all I get is we will seek legal advice and get your children removed.My kids are my life.
Please can you give me any advice or legal rights,so I can be armed. for this next meeting on Thursday this week. Thanks x.

[blueplain]

Hello Mum849

I am sorry to hear about your experience and by what I have read I can tell you are very distressed by the situation.

I have not been in the paticular position that you are in but I feel I can still try to give some advice.

Firstly your partner appears to still be contradicting the issues you bring up, for the services to feel comfortable with him being around your children again he needs to accept what he has done, take courses such as anger mangement and prove that he is not violent anymore. When he has done this he needs to approach the children services himself and arange for his interaction with you and your children to be viewed by children services in a controlled enviroment. The damage has been done, children services can take alot of action purely on opinion and suspition. In this case they have strong evidence backing up suspition and opinion. So you will need to be very patient and take very little steps. To push and show desperation for someone with a violent history to come home would cause them to become concerned about your ability to maintain the seperation untill the correct course has been taken. Unfortunatly most of this effort needs to come from your partner as he is the one that needs to prove his ability to be a father. I appreciate that you feel lonely and you are greaving and need some company for consolement and I offer my condolances for your loss but I am afraid your going to have to try and be strong and prove you can keep your children safe and I am afraid that means maintaining your seperation for a long period of time untill the issues are resolved. I think in the mean time the children services would be encourage if you went to berivement counciling which is a service they can implement for you. Make sure that while trying to contact the father of the children that it does not breach your agreement as you try to persuade him to take the correct course of action and it is encouraging to hear that you are attempting to due such. However it might not be in your best interest to discuss your injuries in front of a social worker as if he trys to maintain that you harmed yourself then the social worker could be concerned that there might be some truth in what he says. I think that you need to discuss with the social worker how you can commicate to each other to resolve any outstanding issues.

I would give this advice though which I know you do not want to hear as you have a strong emotional attachment to your partner as he is the father of your children but it would be in your best interest and I know it is very difficult to try and move on without him. This can be a difficult and painfull dessision to make and it takes alot of will power but I think you should get the councilling you need to make such a decision as you are still grieving from your losses.

I truely wish you the best and you shall be in my thoughts but keep your chin up, take a deep breath and take each day as it comes. Your lucky to have your beautiful children and they need there mum to be strong

Kind regards blueplain

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello mum849

My name is Suzie and I am an adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am so sorry to hear about the terrible experiences you have had over the past year. This has clearly been an awful time for you and your family.

I think that Blueplain has given you some really good advice.

I am very concerned that your partner continues to lie about the situation and is not taking responsibility for his own actions and the impact this has had on your children. Until he is able to do this, it is likely that he continues to pose a risk to you and the children.

I would strongly advise you to continue to co-operate and engage with Children's Services as much as possible. Their responsibility is to ensure your children are safeguarded and they have clear evidence to suggest that it is in the children's best interests for you and your partner to remain apart.

Legally, Children's Services cannot force you to do/ not to do anything, including reuniting with your partner. If you do not engage with them and follow their advice, however, it is very likely that they will take the matter to court in order to remove your children from you.

It is very important that you do not give Children's Services any reason to feel that you are prioritising your relationship above the needs of your children. I would, therefore, advise against any discussions about reuniting with your partner until such time as he has clearly demonstrated he has taken responsibility for his actions and taken positive steps to change his behaviour.

I know this is really difficult for you mum849 and can see that you are under incredible pressure.

I wonder if you have had any contact with women's aid? They have a range of services to support you and help you to manage the impact of the abuse you have suffered. I would urge you to see what they are able to offer you.

How do you feel about this advice mum849? Please do let us know how things are going and if there are any further questions we can help you with. Alternatively, you are welcome to call our free and confidential advice line on 0808 8010366. It is open between 9.30am- 3pm, Monday- Friday.

In the meantime, it may be helpful for you to read our advice sheet about child protection procedures

Take good care of yourself.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser