The Pool Of Uncertainty

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QuestionMark
Posts: 145
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

The Pool Of Uncertainty

Post by QuestionMark » Wed Jan 16, 2019 10:35 am

I’ve been left in a pool of uncertainty. I know the legal bodies involved would sneer at me phrasing it that way, but that’s how it truly feels. They call it the ‘pool of perpetrators’.

Here’s what bothers me about that - I did not hurt my baby. Additionally, I don’t truly know if my ex husband (his dad and the one left in the pool with me) hurt our son or not either. How could I know? I didn’t know he was hurt until after he passed away. I never saw anyone harm him, hear him being harmed nor did anyone threaten to.

Having said that, I do feel it was my ex husband who hurt him as he was violent towards me and most likely caused our sons passing. However, I also feel my ex husbands father (my sons paternal grandfather) should have been left in the pool on account of his volatile nature and the fact he had care of our son once - his rib fractures were inflicted on one occasion according to medical reports. Despite this, the local authority advised the judge to remove him. No one understands why.

My mother and grandmother were initially in the pool too as they had both been people who had also had sole care of my son. They were removed and I believe this was right to do.

Here’s what is narking me the most; no one has been charged. No one has been charged. I know I didn’t harm him, so who hurt my baby? I’ve been left without any clarity or closure and nothing but confusion and disbelief.

I understand that the fear the courts have is that they get it wrong. If they were to leave only one in the pool they run the risk of having left the innocent one in the pool and allowing the child to go home with the dangerous one. I understand that’s probably why they choose two to be left in the pool; they’ve opted to choose who will be the collateral damage. In this case, that is me.

So now, when my new baby boy is brought to my house for contact, I’m checking for marks. I’m looking for any signs - I had him to the GP twice in a month about a cough, paranoid that it may have been something more. Because the thing is, I know I can be trusted with my children, I know I did not hurt my late son and I also know no ones been charged. I’ll never truly know what happened.

What about the risk they choose to take? The risk of harming an innocent person and, by extension, an innocent families lives? We get no help. This is something that has flummoxed my family; those who are served a prison sentence are given a rehabilitation plan if the goal is to return them to society. They are given a second chance. So why aren’t we? Why aren’t we given direction and guidance on how to work towards having a significant part in our children’s lives again? Bare in mind we’ve been removed from their lives almost entirely on the basis that we might have caused harm, the courts knowing very well that it’s just as likely we haven’t.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: The Pool Of Uncertainty

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:05 pm

Please see my response on your later thread.

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