Why am I wrong?

Am I mad
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 6:56 pm

Why am I wrong?

Postby Am I mad » Sat May 20, 2017 6:26 pm

Hi, I am new to this, please read and not judge. I would like advice. My husband was arrested in Jan and sentenced in April for sexual grooming. He was sentenced to 4yrs reduced to 2 yrs 6mths. He will spend 15months in prison. It is his first offence. The background is he had his owned business that was failing, lost his brother 5 yrs ago and had depression, there were various other problems surrounding the business as well. My husband is a good person, I have 3 daughters, eldest is at uni, so out of the picture. I have 2 at secondary school. As you can imagine ss want me to say I don't want anything to do with my husband, I can't do that , I want answers plus I love him and know hie is better than what he became. I am suppose to be doing work with ss, but not started, I am an emotional wreck, nearly losing job, can anyone offer helpful advice?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2081
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Why am I wrong?

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon May 22, 2017 4:12 pm

Dear Am I Mad,
Welcome to the Parents Forum.
I sorry to hear about the difficulties in your family due to your husband’s conviction for sexual grooming. You must be understandably shocked and hurt by this. I can see that you are looking for reasons to understand why he committed these offences. You may well be in denial about what has happened, and so recently as well.
You say you are an emotional wreck. Have you sought support for GP?

You could also call the Just stop it helpline at The Lucy Faithfull Foundation.

They specialise in advising about sexual offences against children and can offer support and courses for families of sex offenders and can maybe talk you through what help is available for you and your family.

Until your husband has been risk assessed, children services will assume that he is risky to his own children-even if he isn’t.
While your husband is in prison, your girls will be protected but on his release he is likely to be risk assessed-to see whether he might re- offend and likelihood of this. He may also be offered courses to help him understand the effect of his behaviour.
All these things will help towards a better rehabilitation of him into the community.

Do you know what work children services are offering you? They may have assessed whether you can protect your daughters from him.
Have you got a copy of the original assessment of your family? That might identify the type of support you may need. Alternatively, speak to the social worker and ask her what support will be given to you, what about your girls? How long will it take? What do they hope to achieve?

What is the current plan for when your husband comes out of prison? He may only be allowed supervised contact with your girls until any support has happened and he has been re assessed.

I hope this advice helps. If you have any questions please post again.

Best wishes,


Am I mad
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 6:56 pm

Re: Why am I wrong?

Postby Am I mad » Mon May 22, 2017 5:33 pm

Thank you for your reply.
From what I understand at the moment there is to be no contact at all not even a card between my girls and my husband. They have reduced my child protection to emotional harm from sexual abuse while my husband is in prison. It has been said about the parent protect programme, the social worker has not said anything about other courses.
My children have had counselling through school, they have stopped it as they felt they didn't need it. What has happened hasn't really effected them, as the offence didn't happen close to home.
I went to my gap with my husband in February and I was given a number for psychology therapy, I rand the number and they told me they couldn't help. So I gave up and now lack the confidence to ask for help. I have made another appointment to see my GP, hopefully I will get somewhere this time.
As my husband has only just been sentenced nothing about his release has been discussed. There is a program for him that last 6mths, he will not access that until November time.
I know what he has done is wrong, and although i know he is no risk to my girls he can not live with me while my girls are under 18yrs. But I still want to stay with him, my girls are not bothered it I continue my relationship. I want to help and support him, but I am being accused of putting him first, my girls have always come first.
My social worker keeps saying absolutely me going on the sick, I can't afford to and don't think it will do me any good, I need the work to keep me busy and not think about things too much.

Am I mad
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 6:56 pm

Re: Why am I wrong?

Postby Am I mad » Mon May 29, 2017 6:09 pm

I am ready for giving up and my children to go and live with there grandparents. I feel as if everyone thinks I cannot look after my children because I want to stay in contact with my husband.
I might as well not be around for anyone.

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