the long term damage caused

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Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2016 6:25 pm

the long term damage caused

Post by brokenhearted » Tue Nov 08, 2016 2:06 pm

I am new to this group, so hi everyone, I would like to share my story with all of you, and welcome any advice and comments. My 2 were adopted in 2005, for identifying reasons I'll call them hereafter fire (now 18) and ice (now 16). When it came close to fire turning 18 I called ss to update all my info and express my wish for contact should fire wish to, I was told there would be a waiting period of at least a month before a caseworker would look into it for me. I set up a Facebook account in my maiden name hoping that if they were looking for me it would be easier to find me, it felt like I had already waited 11 years too long for contact of any sort. The first one to contact me was ice, hurt and angry that I hadn't made any attempt to contact the 16 yo. I explained that I legally couldn't until they were 18, and that it wasn't because I loved ice any less than fire just that it wouldn't be fair for them to deal with this as such a young age. Then came the allegations that had been made but never proven from ss over a decade ago, a news update that ice was self harming and attempted suicide several times because of me and all that I'd put ice and fire through. Fire contacted me soon after with the same anger and hurt but with the burning question why would ss lie? Why would they take us for no reason? All these years I'd clung onto that naive hope that one day I'd be reunited with them, that they would remember how much I loved them and cared for them, the good times we had together, but it feels like it's all gone, it feels like they can't see past the monster that social services have created, it actually feels like they hate me and don't want me interrupting their new life. What should I do how can I make this better? Is it too late? Should I leave them alone? Am I causing more harm than good simply by telling them the truth and being honest about all that happened? When all they can see is what they've been told.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: the long term damage caused

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Nov 18, 2016 2:38 pm

Dear broken hearted,

Welcome to the parents forum.
I am so sorry to hear that your children were adopted. It must have been very difficult for you at the time. You have been further upset by your children, as adults, being concerned about incorrect information they have seen on their children’s services file.

Have you been in touch with Birth Ties ?

They are adoption specialists for birth families and might be able to advise and give you guidance about the best thing to do.

Best wishes,


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