Dad still abusing but nobody will investigate

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Joined: Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:54 pm

Dad still abusing but nobody will investigate

Post by Formysonagain » Sat Jul 16, 2016 9:05 am

I'm in an awful situation via the family courts, a bent solicitor and everybody brain washed by dad/dv perpetrator.
I'm sure you've heard of this before. I've spoke to so many people it's unbelievable, disgusting. So so wrong

There was an 18 mm thick contact court case. Court said dad was a risk to child also, as has been violent to child's mum. So welfare checklist . Wasn't put on dvpp program, or anger man agent course and one 4 week parent course which was based on behaviour with child that you lived with. Totally irrelevant to dad's situation. He has never parented our child. His parents have done everything for him. Now his gf does it as well. Setting up his bath, reading to him in bed. She lives away. Bur comes up at dads fortnightly most times when my son there. But nobody questions it professionally. There needs to be a thorough parent assesment/supervision done. Becuse his long distance girlfriend and his elderly parents in their 70s cannot be relied upon all the time. All four failed ro tKe my son to the drs or get ointment to help my son being in so much pain wirh an infectiom caused by their lack of care/parenting or rung me
.Nobody is taking me seriously. I'm under the telescope in stead because of something my son said. "Mummy said that she doesn't like me sleeping over at daddy's because he might drink too much too much and not wake up in the morning!". Nothing else has ever been said. Except my son saying he saw his dad with a wine glass with brown liquid in. He showed me at home what the glass looked like. A wine glass. There is a court condition he can't drink at all. Due to his very elevated hair strand test in the past.
The social worker won't do unplanned visits. I had to do a 3 stage complaint because she won't do a thing to assess if my son is at risk in his care or not. Despite my reports to police recently that his dad isn't physically caring for him at all. I had to take him to the Dr's with a bum infection after 3 days he had to use steroid! Cream for, in dad's care. He doesn't supervise or guide him to wash himself or give him soap or toothpaste sometimes and doesn't feed him enough. My son is always coming home starving. Even after just a day with him. Stinking of poo sometimes, his breath really bad etc.
Because I had to change schools when we had to move to a cheaper, smaller house and social said case closed still despite the report to the police, they sid was a Parenting issue"!
. It was none of their business where we lived anymore. They didnt need ro know.
My son is quiet and can be over emotional in new school so his teacher reported me to the social when she doesn't know me or him. And his dad reported 3 times in one month th when there has never been concerns about me in the 6 years I have cared for him on my own. For a period with a long term partner.
. I received a letter saying they were doing a s47 and child on child protection. As they hadn't been able to have contact with me. I am out all day most days until son finishs school. If they were so desperate they would have found me in on a Monday to Friday 3.45 pm or anytime after. They didn't have my new phone number only number my son's dad gave her, which is only in use during weekend contact.
There is no evidence that I have a serious mental health problem and it's affecting my son at all. But I was made to accept that my anxiety is affecting my son when nobody knows for sure
. Dad is causing a lot of anxiety about contact to my son as well as myself. Causing fall outs. Issues that shouldn't be issues. The main ones being his controlling behaviour towards my son. Stopping him have a social life. Going to youth club and seeing his cousins during his contact time when it is takes only an hour to two out of it. My son was so upset the last time. He burst into tears when his dad and parents went in the car, because his dad was 45 minutes late returning him to me. So he missed seeing his cousins . They don't live in our town. So have to go back home for school the next day. As it is a sunday fortnightly only when he can see them. My son even talked about it the following morning. It is so wrong.
I told the social worker Thursday when she came to see my son for creative therapy that he refused to do. Yesterday there was a child in need.meeting at the school but the worker was 20 min late and wouldn't allow me to time to discuss the club cancellations. She said that we should ask my son if he wants to go to club first. When obviously as a mum I do that automatically. He used to be shy about going. But now he said hes.made friends. I met one the other day. He ponited out and spoke to.
I can't get my voice heard.
I proved at the conference that dad is a liar. As the chair questioned him about evidence of my apparent bad mental health. And it was clear to everyone by his answers that he is lying. Nobody said anything. The same yesterday. I managed to turn it around to child in need still. But am still not getting anywhere as I'm having to do everything. Prove my mental health is okay. Go to more counselling and pretend I don't think dad is a risk when my family and friends think he is. Not just me who has experienced horrendous things from him.
In the past he neglected my son. He left my son alone at 2 in his home at night about for about an hour. I'd tang. No answer. Discovered he was at his parents home. I was too scared to report it again because it was 3 people against me. His dad had already lied for him before. They know we my son was alone . Said it was nothing to do with them though. My friend heard the whole conversation. He Left him alone in his car twice. Burnt his legs in a bathotel. Sitting there, while it was happening, with me running as fast as I could up the stairs to save him.
I have done nothing to put my child at risk physically. But I'm the one being questioned. I had to take my son away from his dad when he was only a baby because his dad forced him to witness the violence he bestowed upon me and slamming doors, making me scream/cry, trying to push me out the house. Leaving our son unattended. He locked us out the house one night even. And I found bottles and cans hidden of alcohol. He couldn't even go for an hour without a drink when watching him alone or with his parents.
The police don't even believe me simply because when I reported the historical neglect and my abuse the family contact case hadn't quite finished. And they presumed I was reporting stuff so the order would prevent contact. I have never said to anyone that I think there should be no contact at all of any time
Please can you help. My son is getting hurt emotionally now. Not just myself. And dad is putting the phone on speaker phone when I ring . Again
It's awful for him

Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 8:17 pm

Re: Dad still abusing but nobody will investigate

Post by Ignatious » Sun Jul 17, 2016 2:43 pm

Dear F-m-s-a

Sorry to hear about your situation and the fact it is still ongoing. I've caught up and read your previous posts.

Your subject message reads 'nobody will investigate'. From my experience, by far the perfect person to investigate is ourselves. (More on this in a little while). The burden of proof / gathering evidence falls upon you. If your methodical, organised and persistent, you'll get there.

It would be a little helpful if you could give a little bit more (brief) overview of the court appearances you've attended, the court purpose and the outcome(s). How old is your child(ren). What are the wishes of the child? and have the court considered those within these proceedings.

Is there documented proof (as you've said) that the court have said dad IS a risk?

I am particularly interested in finding out more about your 3 stage complaint as I too have done the LA 3 stage complaints procedure. I would have thought a complaint against your SW would have been resolved at stage 1. CS in my opinion at this stage should have allocated a new SW. At stage 2, the independent investigator would or should have made recommendations, and I'm thinking if these recommendations weren't followed, this would have been the basis of your stage 3. Is this a correct and fair assessment?

You've also stated your on a S47. As per mentioned above, self investigation. Contact your Local authority / or Children's Services and put in a subject access request for information relating to both yourself and your child that CS have on file for you. This procedure usually carries a cost of a max £10, and can take up to 40 days. As parents are not consulted regarding the instigation of a S47, the information contained within will benefit you in giving you insight into CS decision making process.

You've taken him to the doctors recently. Is there anything the doctors can give you information wise that would back up your claim your partner is not providing things like basic medical care?

I'll leave it there for now. But the more information you can get yourself, the better. I feel for you and your situation and I hope my advice can help make things better.
I am a parent. My responses are not from any formal training background but from my own experiences, my own research and my own point of view.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Dad still abusing but nobody will investigate

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 18, 2016 4:21 pm

Dear Formysonagain

Thank you for your further post.

It appears that you are having difficulties regarding the same issues with your son’s father as in your previous posts.

You say in your post that you are concerned that your son’s father is not responsible for his care when he goes for contact. His parents or his girlfriend are the people who look after him. Do you have any concerns about the care his grandparents or the partner actually provide or is it just that you think his father should take on his care when he is with him?

There were clearly issues in your relationship with the father as you say he was not directed to do any domestic violence programme or anger management. I can understand why you think this was necessary due to the treatment you had when you were together. However, it would have been for the court during the private law proceedings, probably at your request, to have directed this. You should understand, that the court could only direct it and it would be up to him whether he engaged or not. If it was directed and he did not engage then, the judge would be in a position to take on view on his refusal.

It is difficult to advise on specific issues such as no ointment being provided to your son, you did not say what this was for or how he may have hurt himself.

Sometimes, when there are ongoing proceedings between parents, it is possible for a view to be taken that one or other of them is trying to make things up in order to put themselves in a better position before the court. Did you have the support from a worker from Women’s Aid to be at court with you during the court proceedings?

You have raised a number of issues about your son’s father preventing him from going to youth club, or having a social life. How often does your son have contact with his father? It is unfortunate that he was not able to see his cousins on the last occasion. Hopefully, during the school holidays it might be easier for him to see them.

Regarding the suggestion that your mental health needs to be addressed, have you engaged with any mental health services, if it is thought that your anxiety may affect your son, perhaps this is something you might wish to consider. I appreciate that you lived with your son’s father and you know him best, but it is very important for your son that you both try to be civil for his benefit. He is likely to be torn between his parents whom he loves and want to please and this can lead to him having difficulties himself. It is very important and research shows that children are better off when parents are able to show that both are important to a child’s life.

It is not entirely clear from your post whether some of the issues you refer to are historical or ongoing at the moment. If they are historical, then difficult as it might be for you, it might help if you try to concentrate on what is happening now.

Your concerns appear to have been taken into account as there were s.47 child protection enquiries which led to your son being on a child protection plan. This has now been downgraded to child in need, I suggest that you do your best to work with the plan and any support that has been put in place to assist you and your son.

A social worker is not going to make unannounced visits when there is no child protection plan in place. If your son is only having periodic contact when would a social worker be able to visit whilst he is at his father’s home.

If you and son’s father are not able to work out a way to support your son in this separation, children services may decide that he is being emotionally harmed and rather than undertake child protection investigations, consider applying to the court if they believe the harm to your son to be at a significantly high level.

Whilst I understand why you may not have made any referrals to the police in the past whilst living with your son’s father, it is as you say in post, a possible view that could be taken not only by the police but he court as well about the timing of the disclosure.

If you consider that your son is suffering emotionally because of his contact with his father, then you may have to consider taking the matter back to court to seek a variation of the order. I suggest that you contact Coram Children’s Legal Centre (Child Law) 0300 330 5480 for more advice about making a private law application to the court. I think the court will be able to look at the concerns you have but you should ensure that they are current issues rather than historical as they would have considered in the previous court case. It is important that you are not seen as being fixated on historical issues, especially when you are trying to ensure the best for your son.

Please read our advice sheet on family support since your son is currently on a children in need plan.

Have you considered having a contact book so that any issues you or the father have regarding contact can be written in and a response noted as well. This might help the communication relating to contact.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about children services involvement under the child in need plan, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 to 3.00 p.m.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes,


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